Thank you, first of all, for the kind welcomes! I’ve been reading the posts in dance-forums for awhile now and all in all, this is a pretty neat group of people writing some pretty interesting and informative posts. The quoted text that follows is no exception.
>>>Sagitta wrote:
In your first description you say:
Quote:
We've come to know some of the regular crowd there, and we socialize a bit at our table, but we're really there to spend time with each other.
In a way I think that this is sending out mixed signals. If you are having a hard time, how about getting a table for only the two of you. Then it would be really clear that you two are there to enjoy each other's company. If I socialized a bit with other people at a table I might ask another lady to dance...
>>>
Perhaps I was being a bit obtuse. By “socializing at our table” I meant that when someone walks up to say “hi” or join us for a smoke (and we smokers have to stick together nowadays, don’t we?), or God forbid pulls up a chair without so much as a how-do-you-do, we are polite as our Mother’s taught us to be and we spend a little time chatting. We don’t go hang out with the group, but we certainly wouldn’t be so callous as to tell someone to buzz off when they walk over to join us for whatever reason.
>>>SwinginBoo wrote:
2. It is considered a bit uncouth to go to a social dance and refuse dancing with other people
>>>
I’ve never been accused of being overly couth. <smile> This raises another interesting point, though. There is, at least in our area, no place to go to swing dance that isn’t sponsored by one local club or the other. We’re between a rock and a hard place in that to get the music and the space to dance, the whole social aspect comes with it. We’re left with the choice of either not dancing or butting heads with the prevailing opinion that everyone is there to dance with everyone else.
>>>SwinginBoo wrote:
But don't take this to mean that you shouldn't put a lot of time into dancing with one another. The more you dance together, the better you will be as a couple.
>>>
Again, another interesting point is raised. You said in a section that I didn’t quote that you and your boyfriend dance the majority of dances together. My question is, where do you draw the line once you have opened that door to dancing with other people? It’s one thing for people to see us continually dancing with each other, and quite another to say “yes” to one person, and “no” to the next nine that ask because we’re out on a date. Those other nine just saw you dancing with someone else. My personal opinion is that approach would be more wrong and lead to more misunderstandings than just politely and smilingly refusing all requests.
>>>Swing Kitten wrote:
Have you tried going and dancing with other dancers... then you two can compare notes! -- You'd still be there together and everything but have you given it a try?
>>>
My girlfriend has danced with many other people over the years and used to give lessons before Big Tubba Mista gigs (remember them?), but she always wanted one partner. She grew to really dislike the asking and being asked (and the crapshoot that can sometimes be.) I personally, in my very short time doing this, have only danced with her. Right or wrong, my thinking is: I have a perfectly good girlfriend here to dance with… why am I over here dancing with someone else?
>>>Swing Kitten wrote:
For an evening exclusively together have you tried having your very own dance? -- candlelit kitchens could be a wonderful thing, make your own music mix and enjoy your evening alone together if you're really not looking to socialize-- and no cover at all!
>>>
We do that frequently sans candles. If we move the coffee table over by the door, we can just eek out a 5 x 7 space in our tiny living room. Just enough to do a swing out it you don’t mind bumping into the chair/entertainment center/coffee table/plants every so often. Our place is small enough that the idea of dancing with open flames around is downright scary!
Plus, we’re theater people. We have a need to be seen though not necessarily participate. I live to be on stage and love every second I’m out there. After shows, I hide in my dressing room so I don’t have to see the public up close.
Not to be off-topic, but if you go to
www.theaterharrisburg.com and click on the “gallery” link, you’ll see me in Rocky Horror Show, Into the Woods and Jekyll and Hyde. The Rocky pictures are the best.
>>>bouncybouncyweee wrote:
Why not just go out and say exactly what you want? "Hey, that's really nice of you, but I'm out on a date tonite (most nights really)..." or something sweet?
>>>
And that is exactly what we did this past Tuesday and it worked wonders. We even went as far as to explain that the newness of our relationship is the overwhelming factor in not dancing with other people. Give us a year and we’ll rethink it.
Thanks again for all the great posts!
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