Hi wonderwoman – I don’t know if what I’m about to write is at all relevant to you, but these were the thoughts that sparked in my mind reading your post. So, I’m sure you can take from it anything (if anything) useful and leave the rest.
First off – I think it is a great question and I think you will benefit from your own thinking on it, as well as the responses that you have gotten/will get.
My thoughts:
1.One thing to consider is what ‘better’ means for you. It is possible that, similar to many perfectionists, that you won’t be happy with anything less than perfect. If that is the case, it really isn’t ballroom dancing that is the issue, as this same issue would arise with any hobby. If this is the issue, reframing what success looks like for you, would be what is most important. I have a book or two that I’d recommend if you think this might be contributing to your feelings. Being a perfectionist ‘sounds’ like a good thing – but in most cases leads to destructive behavior, robbing you of your enjoyment of most anything. I can certainly relate as that was me for some time. There is a way to have high standards without being crippled.
- Just as an example, Blackpool Finalists, are still critiqued in their dancing and are still working on the ‘basics,’ so ballroom dancing is not something, like a math problem, where you can get the ‘right’ answer and then move on. It really is a journey – one that you can be on your entire life – without ever reaching ‘I’ve made it – the end.”
2.It would be great to sit down and really write what you love about ballroom dancing. One friend comes to mind – what really intrigued her about ballroom was the romance of it all – the gentlemanly behavior – the hope of meeting someone through dancing. If this is driving you, your approach will be very different than if what you happen to love is moving to music, or challenging your mind and body constantly. There is no right or wrong here – whatever you love about it is what you love about it. And knowing this – precisely – will help you with your plan.
3.As far as finances, there are many different views on this – so this is just mine. I, personally, don’t like to stress about my mortgage payment or any other financial matters and I’ve lived with a personal goal of not depending on anyone else for money – including gov’t programs (of course, this would change should I marry, because then, obviously, finances are a shared matter). So, my view has been to work as I need to to make sure I have enough money for my needs, and my desires. This view started for me at age 11, and was shaped by childhood experiences. There are A LOT of cuts one can make financially and not feel like you are missing anything. I like to know that I have the money to pay my bills. So, I have made the decision to cover those needs first, and would not spend money dancing if these matters were not covered. I’m not saying this is ‘right’ for you. However, it has helped me work hard and achieve things I never would have imagined I would because I had the desire to be able to pay for things, such as dancing.
- I’m not saying you are doing this – but a common thing I see is people thinking – oh, to be ‘great’ I have to have multiple privates. And I see absolutely no evidence that those who have taken a private every day, or several a week, have progressed in their dancing faster than those taking other paths. In the right studio, group classes are PHENOMENAL, and socials are amazing learning environments. I’m not going to debate this point with others, it is simply my view. I share it because you can progress – greatly – through these means and by solo practice. (And I am a fan of privates -- not knocking them at all).
- Practice at home is great, and there are gym environments that you can get practice time really cheap – and I’m talking less than $2 an hour – if you are flexible with the time you are available to practice.
4.Be cautious of all or nothing thinking. I’m not saying you are doing this – it is just a caution. On this point, I’m referencing your post in the dancingirldancing thread. For example, there is nothing wrong with eating lots of non-organic fruits & veggies from a farmer’s market, and then buying organic when you feel you have the money to do so. Or find the top 1-3 veggies known for pestisides, buy organic for those, and non-organic for the rest. It doesn’t mean buying non-organic for now, means you will always do so. It also doesn’t mean that buying non-organic for now means you won’t feel good. And, libraries are a great resource for books – so you don’t have to buy them. Pretty clothes – can’t help you there – anyone who knows me would tell you I’m not gifted in this regard (smile!)
So, hope these thoughts help – and best of luck.
