Dreaded Dance Partner

[heartgrl2k]

I'm interested in getting opinions about this situation:

When I was new to dance, there were few people who were brave enough to stumble through a dance with me. There was one person in particular who would always dance with me, in fact would go out of their way to make sure I got several dances in during the night. Of course, I am/was very appreciative of his kindness and attention.

Here's the problem:

This person is NOT a good dancer. In fact, he has a reputation of being a notoriously BAD dancer. He claims to be doing the hustle, but it's not - it's just a lot of spinning around and looks pretty silly. I used to get major grief from the other dancers in the club for agreeing to dance with him, but I've tried to keep the attitude that since he was always willing to dance with me, I'd always be willing to dance with him.

Except now I dread having to dance with him, and even try to avoid him sometimes when I'm out dancing. It's not that I think I'm a better dancer necessarily, but we're talking about someone with zero technique, no rhythm, who teaches the wrong things, and sometimes even hurts me when dancing.

Can anyone relate to this? Or am I turning into a snob?

 

[Sagitta]

What dances/songs can he do that won't hurt you? As I have gotten better I have never forgotten those whom I have left behind. I have discovered that there usually is something that I can do which works out well for both of us.

 

[heartgrl2k]

He dances the same indecipherable dance to every song. Every once in a while he does a cha-cha, but I can't follow him.

I hope I'm not coming across as being mean. He's a really nice guy, and I know I'll always dance with him. I guess I'm just feeling a little guilty.
:?

 

[Sagitta]

He dances the same indecipherable dance to every song. Every once in a while he does a cha-cha, but I can't follow him.

I hope I'm not coming across as being mean. He's a really nice guy, and I know I'll always dance with him. I guess I'm just feeling a little guilty.
:?

Well people usually know that I like dancing with a variety of people...that way dance one or two songs with him and keep it that way each night. Now I do break that rule, but people know why I do it with those whom I do it... :wink:

 

[Flat Shoes]

I don't think you're a snob. I think you've got a real dilemma.

You want to be nice to the guy. And since most probably don't want to dance with him, he latches on to the few nice people that will.

So what do you do? Risk hurting him by tellling him? Act nice, and pray that he will go away eventually? Sacrifice yourself? Try to educate him? Try to avoid him? I don't know.

 

[Vince A]

If and when you ever compete, and/or do Jack and Jills, you will get dancers like this all the time . . . it's your job to do your very best, and if need be, pull off some kewl stuff that makes both of you look good!

It's a 50/50 thing. Have you ever asked him what he thought of your dancing??? Maybe he "only" struggles with you. Hope I don't sound mean. but . .

I know I can dance "OK," yet there are certain people that I dance with on a regular basis. And, I just can't dance with them. I struggle with them. It's a constant fight while on the dance floor with them. Then I watch them dance with someone else . . . and they "look" good.

Get my point???

 

[Sagitta]

If and when you ever compete, and/or do Jack and Jills, you will get dancers like this all the time . . . it's your job to do your very best, and if need be, pull off some kewl stuff that makes both of you look good!

It's a 50/50 thing. Have you ever asked him what he thought of your dancing??? Maybe he "only" struggles with you. Hope I don't sound mean. but . .

I know I can dance "OK," yet there are certain people that I dance with on a regular basis. And, I just can't dance with them. I struggle with them. It's a constant fight while on the dance floor with them. Then I watch them dance with someone else . . . and they "look" good.

Get my point???

True Vince. Sometimes when dancing salsa our styles just cannot match and people notice. It's not that one person dances badly, as such, but our dance personalities are in conflict...

 

[twnkltoz]

heartgrl, here's something to consider: maybe he wasn't going out of his way to be nice to you, to make sure you got dances in. Maybe you were "fresh meat" who didn't know any better and would dance with him if asked. This is a guy who's been dancing for how long and hasn't made any effort to improve? i would feel NO guilt about not dancing with him. Either avoid him (the nice way to do it) or outright tell him that you have a hard time following him and he hurts you (the brave way!).

There's a guy like this at our dances. He comes to the country and the ballroom dances, and dances the same sort of peabody to every dance. He also wears a sweater constantly that we're pretty sure he doesn't wash. *shudder* (we need a shudder icon!) Anyone who knows better will do anything to not dance with him...including shunning him openly in the mixers (which is a bit over the top, in my opinion).

 

[blue]

I used to get major grief from the other dancers in the club for agreeing to dance with him, but I've tried to keep the attitude that since he was always willing to dance with me, I'd always be willing to dance with him.

Is your problem your actual dances with this guy, what other people think about your dancing with him, or both?

 

[heartgrl2k]

heartgrl, here's something to consider: maybe he wasn't going out of his way to be nice to you, to make sure you got dances in. Maybe you were "fresh meat" who didn't know any better and would dance with him if asked. This is a guy who's been dancing for how long and hasn't made any effort to improve?

I think you've hit the nail on the head twnkltoz. He does seem to search out the new girls to 'teach' them how to dance. He has been dancing for years and years and proudly proclaims that he doesn't take lessons. Hmmmm....

I don't really care what other people think about me dancing with him, or anyone else in the club. I love dancing with new people, beginner or advanced, I learn something in every dance.

I also agree that regardless of who I'm dancing with, I should try to do my best. Maybe having this attitude will make us both look better.

 

[etchuck]

I'm biting my lip on this one... I know exactly the type, and I'm guessing there's at least one in every other dance community (by dance or by geography).

The approaches vary among followers who wind up dancing with said leader. He's a nice person but just refuses to get the hints that he needs to improve his dancing.

What I have learned:
1) He refuses to think that any problems in connection are "his fault." If he throws you out expecting something and you don't do what he thinks you should do, it's your fault.
2) He refuses to believe he needs to take lessons. (This has been covered in earlier discussions.) Any suggestion that he does only means that you can't follow his excellent leading skills.
3) He thinks you're cute but still very new at this thing called dance, so he'll monopolize you until you ask him out on a date, where he can teach you a few more things.

My conclusion: learn to say no after the first dance. There's nothing worse than fearing for your life while dancing. Not to mention, some of us enjoy schadenfreude.

 

[swinginstyle]

I agree with what others have been saying. Just say no. Protect yourself from the potential abuse.