Ever get your tail stepped on?

madmaximus

madmaximus

Forum Master
Hi. My name is Canis Aurelius Titus. Yeah, yeah, cute, I know. Heard it all.

My human, Maximus, is typing this for me--because, well, ever tried typing on a keyboard with a golden retriever's paw?
Can never get that backspace key just right. And don't get me started with the nails. Aargh!

Anyway, Maximus thought I might have a story to tell.
Heh, go figure. He also calls me CAT--get it?
C.A.T.
He's really funny that way, you know?

So.

I had my jaw on my paw one morning. Quite dejected, you see.
"What's up with you CAT?" asked Maximus.
Ugh. (Did I say I HATE that nickname? Sigh...)

"Other dogs can be so mean sometimes" I said.

"Oh?" Max said. "Why's that?"

Well, that was when I confessed.

I raised my paw and said, "Hi, I am Canis Aurelius Titus. And I am a competitive dancer. My partner is a cat." I said sheepishly. "And for the past year and a half, I have been dancing ballroom standard".

Wait for it, wait for it... and now...

His jaw fell. He dropped his glass of water. Judging from his expression, you would think I just confessed to dancing pro/am or am/am.
But NO.
No, it is this "cat" thing that always seems to get the attention. Forget that wearing "tails" over a tail, is in of itself patently ridiculous.

You see, it started innocently enough. A beautiful temptress and the Argentine Tango.

But I get ahead of myself.

Right now, I gotta go to the bathroom.

To blow my nose!... Really now.



You wanna hear the rest of this story?



C
 
Heehee.

You should have seen Max when I told him I ballroom danced. Just about stepped on his toga and fell.

Anyways, continuing my, ehem, tale...,
(Well, it IS funny to us dogs)...

My buddy and I were on our way to the Coliseum--by way of the forum--to watch some greys race (greyhounds to you humans). "Ajax" I said. "What kinda name is that?" My friend is kinda sensitive about that sort of thing, you know. And I don't mind ribbing him about it either. He takes it good natured, but that's Ajax. Quiet, but good to have in a dog-fight.

"Hey" said Ajax, somewhat indignantly "it's a perfectly honorable name."
"Sounds like a name for soap or some cleaner".
"Says the dog whose human calls him 'CAT'", he fired back. "What's up with that anyway? If I were you, I'd bite his toe everytime he calls me 'cat'".
"Well at least he feeds me right on time" I said. Half-seriously. It got quiet for a while. We passed some bazaars, mostly pottery and glass--no meats at this time of the day.

"Here's another joke." he said.

I rolled my eyes. He's always telling these lame jokes, you know?

"What did the elephant say to the naked man?"
"What?" I said, not really wanting to encourage him, but what the heck, you know?
"'Ooooo, that's really cute, but can you drink water with it?'" he said, rolling on the cobblestones--truly amused with his joke.

I smiled, and the banter went on. Mindless, I know, but it passed the time. He sure was a good dog to have around.

It was a pleasant enough summer evening (dog day afternoon, comes to mind). The kind where you feel like everything is right in the world. The kind where you can smell the drying grass of the hillside, and blends with the wonderful bouquet emanating from the corner bakery.

Real nice like, you know?

Well, I happened to pass by "Antonius", that new dance place where the artsy dogs like to hang out? By the Coliseum? Can't miss it--there is always some Persian or Siberian (not so husky Huskies) hanging around there. Word to the wise--they'll rail against Caezar and the Roman Empire and all that if you let them. Especially the Germans (Shepherds--ya really gotta wonder). Pathetic, but what's a jobless mercenary dog to do these days? There's catapult guard duty, but it doesn't pay well. Few measly bones...

Anyway, I digress.
ANTONIUS. It's a chain school (heh, I know, the irony didn't escape me either). Well, I had some time before the marquee gladiator combats started, so I poked my head in. It was dimly lit inside, and the music of DAS BRUTE was playing. A bunch of dogs were dancing the Waltz. "HOOHA!! Losers..." I thought to myself. Dancing is for Chihuahuas and Shar Peis. No self-respecting Golden Retriever is going to get caught dancing a Foxtrot. So Ajax and I turned to head back to the Forum, not wanting to get DANCE FEVER, and before my gang sees me in such a disreputable place.

Ahh, too late. That was when I saw her. Rather, she saw me...first.

Valentina. A HUNGARIAN VIZSLA. Hungarian! Vizsla! Awoooo!

She had the shiniest tan coat this corner of the Roman Empire. And the haunches! Santa Maria... Talk about a dog drooling...

She winked, and I was in love. She waved me over to the dance floor. Me! A beautiful creature is actually asking me to dance! Dazed and hypnotized, I staggered to the floor--somehow unafraid. With Ajax desperately biting on my tail--to no avail. The call of the temptress was too strong to resist. We danced a passionate Argentine Tango. I was breathless. I was hooked.

"Not bad" said she after our dance. "Not bad at all. You should take some classes". That was when "Slimy Sticks" showed up. As if on queue. Cocking his head to the left (well, he is an English Cocker Spaniel, after all), and sounding suspiciously like James Bond "Hi, may I interest you in some beginner Rumba classes"? Then he smiled that fake salesman smile.

I could swear I heard a "cha-ching!" sound go off, but I'm not too sure...



[next: I enter the world of dance--my first lesson and onwards]

[to be continued in the next few days or so...]
 
I'm looking forward to the next installment.

And...I'm learning your signature like is very true.

"To dance effortlessly, first you must be able to stand in total stillness."
 
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