Examples of "I Rescued Myself" in Ballroom Dance

[CANI]

I've read recently in posts about a couple of themes of (1) men rescuing women and women rescuring men from other dancers (2) some comments about women being expected or raised to try to not make another person uncomfortable and (3) some comments about adopting the norms of a particular venue (such as one should always say yes when asked to dance unless you are tired or injured)...

I was wondering if anyone had examples to share of not having another person come to the rescue, but instead, rescuing oneself.

Could be a direct conversation with the person with a blanket I won't be dancing with you (with or without explanation) or I will be able to dance with you if these things change (please don't pull my arm hard), or something else.

Do you have stories to share of what has worked successfully for you? Do you have an example to share of being firmly respectful of your boundaries while still treating the other party with respect (however you define respect)?

If there is no interest in this thread, no worries...just thought it was an interesting topic especially since the skills we develop in our dance journey translate into skills in our non-dance lives...

 

[fascination]

I learned very early on that a few things work very well for me in terms of staying out of trouble A) have a dance budget B) have dance goals... C) make sure I am specific in wrting with all persons involved regarding those two issues

EDIT TO ADD; I would never frame those behaviors as rescuing myself...I would label them as being responsible for myself and making sure that my intentions are clear

 

[dancingirldancing]

Oftentime the phrase 'No, thank you.' works very well !

 

[DancinBean]

A classmate of mine and I once went dancing after he'd had a particularly stressful/bad day (I didn't know this at the time), and when we got out on the dance floor, I thought he was going to pull my arms out of my sockets the way he was yanking me around. I grinned and got through the dance, but once we sat down again I told that I didn't know what was going on, but I was not going to be his punching bag, and if something was bothering him he needed to vent or take it out somewhere besides on my joints. He shaped up, and we've never had that problem since.

 

[Wolfgang]

I don't go to too many classes or 'practice socials' anymore (I'm guessing that is what you are referring to), but when I do, I kind of consider dancing with people I have NO desire whatsoever to dance with part of the challenge.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I guess.
So, as long as I don't actually wrench my back out of place trying to hold up X number of 'extra pounds' or get an elbow in the face so hard it draws blood, I'm good.
I no longer notice elbows in the ribs, my heels/toes getting stepped on and other minor collisions.
I think of it as a sort of 'boot camp' for the real world.

 

[JANATHOME]

Last comp after entires were all put together I knew I did not want to spend that much.
I really stressed over the conversation I had to have with pro. Finally I was just honest with him and told him it was more than I wanted to spend... It was such a non issue with pro, we reworked the entires to get it to a price I was comfortable with and all was good.

Lesson learned for me, truth is best and just speak up when something is making you uncomfortable. It is also perfectly OK to talk about money.

 

[fascination]

Last comp after entires were all put together I knew I did not want to spend that much.
I really stressed over the conversation I had to have with pro. Finally I was just honest with him and told him it was more than I wanted to spend... It was such a non issue with pro, we reworked the entires to get it to a price I was comfortable with and all was good.

Lesson learned for me, truth is best and just speak up when something is making you uncomfortable. It is also perfectly OK to talk about money.

exactly...and I find that if I am ahead of the game on this...everyone fares better...my pro knows that I extend myself financially as far, if not farther, than could be reasonably expected...it is on me to make sure it is known when we have arrived there or are on the approach...and once I have forewarned that we are on the approach to empty coffers, he is always easier to navigate than when I gave him no sense that the bottom was near and he was formulating possibilites that really aren't able to happen

 

[danceronice]

Oftentime the phrase 'No, thank you.' works very well !

Yep. Probably the most valuable dance skill I've got is the ability to say "No." I don't have to dance with someone who's a groper or who yanks my arms around or tries to dip me just because he asks. If I can't go to a competition, I can say no. If I don't feel like going to a party or a group class, I don't. (Though I'm not dodging when I tell NP "maybe" when he asks if I'm coming back for a party--it's a forty-minute drive mostly on back roads that are DARK at night, so it depends on whether I'm feeling up to it. In that case I truly don't know most nights.)

 

[CANI]

Thanks for sharing! Boot camp for the real world...speaking up directly...saying no, thank you...making your expectations clear in advance and in writing...addressing directly and immediately with the person...learning from another person's example of rescuing herself...telling the truth...speaking up when uncomfortable...all great stories and ideas!

 

[BenjaminT]

I'm dancing to rescue myself:

I actually enjoy getting newbies moving around the floor. I consider it an art form and a life skill to show a lady a good time no matter what.

The way I see it, from a single/ partnerless/ competitive lead perspective, I'm in a showcase every single second on or off the dance floor. I'm fanning my feathers and doing my dance to give the follows I really want to dance with something to think about. The sub-conscious question I want them to simmer over is, "If he can do that for her, what could he do for me?"

The initial problem I ran into is that I can't fake it. My brain will not allow me the energy to put up a facade and maintain it. So I stopped trying and challenged myself to make it real. Instead of mulling over the reasons why I don't like a particular person I focus on something that I do like.

-Goofy, chicken-walk? No need to fake a "laughing smile."

-Heavy arms? "Are you a trainer? 'cause you're giving my arms a hellacious workout."

-Can't do the cool pattern? Get them laughing at the failures so they're beaming during the simple stuff down the long side.

-Ditzy? Sweet! Less energy needed to get her smiling and more for leading.

So on and so forth.

Granted, as a lead, the situation is quite different. There was only one follow I've ever danced with who even came close to being recognized as a physical threat (and even then she was as nice as can be; so a null point.) I figure with a 2.34 body weight dead lift, as long as I hold my frame, my shoulders are safe for as long as it takes to get her calmed back down.

Put all that together and guess what? I really don't have "bad dances." The more I work on my skill through lessons the broader the range of follows I can show only "good dances." Things will pay off eventually.

 

[CANI]

Interesting post, BenjaminT! I particularly liked the part of finding something to like in each partner and not faking it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!