Feelings developing?

[DL]

The thing is, people silently build one-sided romantic feelings over time, all the while increasing the perceived risk / downside of acquiring certain knowledge that the other party doesn't harbor the same feelings. And, the further down that road the first party goes alone, the less likely it is that the other party has been traveling down the same road just as far.

Interested in your partner or anybody else? Suggest a caual date *early on*. If the answer is "yes," see what happens. If the answer is "no," oh well, and no harm done.

If you're in the trap of being "early on" in objective reality but have inflated feelings in your subjective experience: first find a way to deflate them, for your own sake.

 

[Terpsichorean Clod]

Reviving this thread to ask if someone can please help point me in the right direction of the many threads on this subject? Not having much luck finding them.

I am in DESPERATE need of some common sense talked into me. Im hoping reading these threads may just do that :sad:

I'm not sure what your exact situation is. Just taking a guess...you might look at this one.
Managing my dance crush

Or maybe some of these.
Confessing your Dancefloor Crush
Is it just me or is it WRONG TO DATE YOUR DANCE PARTNER
I have a crush on my dance partner
The Innocent Crush, another perspective
Emotional Attached

 

[MissKitty]

I'm not sure what your exact situation is. Just taking a guess...you might look at this one.
Managing my dance crush

Or maybe some of these.
Confessing your Dancefloor Crush
Is it just me or is it WRONG TO DATE YOUR DANCE PARTNER
I have a crush on my dance partner
The Innocent Crush, another perspective
Emotional Attached

Thanks TC, you hit the nail on the head with the first one. Swear you must be a mind reader.

 

[MissKitty]

The thing is, people silently build one-sided romantic feelings over time, all the while increasing the perceived risk / downside of acquiring certain knowledge that the other party doesn't harbor the same feelings. And, the further down that road the first party goes alone, the less likely it is that the other party has been traveling down the same road just as far.

Interested in your partner or anybody else? Suggest a caual date *early on*. If the answer is "yes," see what happens. If the answer is "no," oh well, and no harm done.

If you're in the trap of being "early on" in objective reality but have inflated feelings in your subjective experience: first find a way to deflate them, for your own sake.

thanks DL, My situation is a little more complicated and suggesting a date isnt really an option, but I appreciate the advice - very wise!

 

[DL]

thanks DL, My situation is a little more complicated and suggesting a date isnt really an option, but I appreciate the advice - very wise!

(Rhetorical: ) What sort of romantic future do you hope to achieve, that can't begin with a date?

 

[fascination]

miss kitty...I think he was confused...at any rate, do a search using the word crush as a starting point...at any rate, many women tend to equate physical itimacy with emotional intimacy...there is only one way to find out...and that is to ask..but then the fantasy is exposed and most folks are afraid to do that...IMO, it is the best way to either nip it in the bud or let it grow...otherwise the attraction grows in te dark and may not be good for the dance relationship...it is normal to have an attachment to the person you dance with..it is important to know where your limit is and if you need to know what the other is feeling or if you can truly leave it alone and let it be about the dancing..good luck...my empathy

 

[MissKitty]

(Rhetorical: ) What sort of romantic future do you hope to achieve, that can't begin with a date?

Well thats just it If I was a single person myself, then of course it would be that simple.

But Im not.

 

[MissKitty]

miss kitty...I think he was confused...at any rate, do a search using the word crush as a starting point...at any rate, many women tend to equate physical itimacy with emotional intimacy...there is only one way to find out...and that is to ask..but then the fantasy is exposed and most folks are afraid to do that...IMO, it is the best way to either nip it in the bud or let it grow...otherwise the attraction grows in te dark and may not be good for the dance relationship...it is normal to have an attachment to the person you dance with..it is important to know where your limit is and if you need to know what the other is feeling or if you can truly leave it alone and let it be about the dancing..good luck...my empathy

Thank you so much fasc, I have been reading your responses in the other threads suggested by TC and your point view and comments are really helping me.

It's almost like I have two sides of me presently. The level headed one and the one whose head is being ruled by.....who knows what.

 

[DL]

Well thats just it If I was a single person myself, then of course it would be that simple.

But Im not.

Sounds like the primary issue isn't the fantasy relationship you contemplate but rather the actual relationship you're already in. I guess all I can say is: it's up to you what priority to give the latter.

 

[MissKitty]

Sounds like the primary issue isn't the fantasy relationship you contemplate but rather the actual relationship you're already in. I guess all I can say is: it's up to you what priority to give the latter.

I appreciate your thoughts, but it really is so much more complicated than that. I would really love to share the full story, because I am so desperate to talk to SOMEONE about this...

But I worry this is in the public domain and if certain persons were to read it, would take it the wrong way.

Of course because Im not sharing details this is all probably rather cryptic and doesnt make much sense....sorry

 

[fascination]

Well thats just it If I was a single person myself, then of course it would be that simple.

But Im not.

here is my advice...as a married woman...and trust me, I know what it is that I am asking of you...if you are married, unless you are certain that you don't want your marriage regardless of how it goes with this dance romance, walk away from the dance relationship and invest your time and energy in seeing if you can revitalize the relationshiop you have...those things, even if seemingly dormant, can be revitalized...but the schism in attention between the two undermines that...fantasy, physical proximity and newness can feel very much like love but have none of the stability and depth that a dormant but truly deep relationship has....my prayers to you...all I can say is that getting what we want can sometimes be the worst thing that could ever happen to us...no one can live this for you...but do not be blinded by the heady nectar of the mystery of someone new over the substance of what you have but which may need some work...good luck

 

[MissKitty]

Sounds like the primary issue isn't the fantasy relationship you contemplate but rather the actual relationship you're already in. I guess all I can say is: it's up to you what priority to give the latter.

Sorry also - Im not contemplating any fantasy relationships?

 

[fascination]

I appreciate your thoughts, but it really is so much more complicated than that. I would really love to share the full story, because I am so desperate to talk to SOMEONE about this...

But I worry this is in the public domain and if certain persons were to read it, would take it the wrong way.

Of course because Im not sharing details this is all probably rather cryptic and doesnt make much sense....sorry

now is a crazy time for me so I can't promise promptness, but am more than happy to discuss this via pm as time allows

 

[DL]

Sorry also - Im not contemplating any fantasy relationships?

I know you are keeping some things secret; nonetheless I am skeptical of what you say above.

However, at this point I defer entirely to Fascination.

 

[MissKitty]

here is my advice...as a married woman...and trust me, I know what it is that I am asking of you...if you are married, unless you are certain that you don't want your marriage regardless of how it goes with this dance romance, walk away from the dance relationship and invest your time and energy in seeing if you can revitalize the relationshiop you have...those things, even if seemingly dormant, can be revitalized...but the schism in attention between the two undermines that...fantasy, physical proximity and newness can feel very much like love but have none of the stability and depth that a dormant but truly deep relationship has....my prayers to you...all I can say is that getting what we want can sometimes be the worst thing that could ever happen to us...no one can live this for you...but do not be blinded by the heady nectar of the mystery of someone new over the substance of what you have but which may need some work...good luck

Thanks, no I am not married, but in a relationship for 2 years and we live together.

The predominant idea Im getting from the other threads/responses, is that I might be freaking out a little prematurely.

Many people have mentioned its pretty normal to have a bit of a crush when you first start dancing with someone.

Maybe I should just enjoy it for what it is, a crush, and it may just disapate as time goes on. If it does not then I will have to worry about it then.