Interesting responses, great advice, awesome site, thank you!
As a drummer in a band, it is said one of the primary roles is to keep time. When I was an AM I practiced to a metronome @ various BPMs daily to obtain almost perfect time alone. When I went to apply that to AM bands it fell apart and they all looked at me as the fault. Later as I turned pro, I realized what a myth that is, everyone in the band has to have good timing. In that case, it becomes obvious where the issues are and it is not always the drummer. It really becomes evident when I had the metronome in head phones in band practice or recording studios. I see my dancing now as no different.
I ask myself three questions after a performance or practice in this order,
- What went well?
- What didn’t?
- What can be done to improve?
I like to start with one since it sets a good tone for constructive communications. I don’t criticize myself or others for starters. Not constructive! Red Flag #1
Two needs to be handled with care, it’s called “constructive criticism”. If one is going to start with being a critic, which is usually the case I don’t recommend because it puts most on the defensive, then be prepared to be on the receiving end. Some don’t want to hear it I won’t work with. If you find you’re stating, or some in my experience demanding, your needs without asking what your partner needs that is a bad sign…. Red Flag #2.
If 1-2 went well #3 is where constructive reconstruction can take place once strengths are weaknesses have been constructive identified, a recovery plan can be developed.
This philosophy applies to all relationships, all levels, all situations.
I like to think of all relationships as 150/150% ownership's, not 50/50. In my mind, the excess 50% is reserved to work out the weaknesses or disagreements of either partner or any broken link.
At social dances most AMs follow this by saying thank you for the dance. It does not take long during the dance for it to become evident that the lead is not “always the problem” or “if it is lead properly it can be followed”. Also, I don’t expect much walking in the door dancing for the first time. Other times, I am at fault but still prefer the process above to communicate. I hold myself accountable to this standard.
It is the AM instructors I have had the worse experiences with. Pro’s big difference but still I won’t work with one that can’t follow the 1-2-3 process is not receptive to my not agreeing or giving advice.
My last experience involves a Pro I am considering for Pro-AM competiton and her studio of AM instructors. She talked me into going to a Bolero class since I am looking for a partner and there was an AM instructor that was getting done with a private she had arranged and thought I should try. It is rare I attend beginner classes. A different one of her Am instructors was teaching the class. So I paid the $10.
Immediately she jumped to step 2 looking for any fault she could find. So, she said my steps at my shoulder width were too large. I’m 6’2 long legs, her 5’4 (which was the height of my last short legged pro that could travel further than I could, so I know it can be done). She said, “she needs me to take smaller ones and we need to dance closer”. OK, next attempt after hearing her dish out a lot of other ill advice while I remained silent, I noticed her leaning into 5th position break on the side step, she was pushing on me with a side body lean which caused me to go off balanced and take a large step back in this case. So, I stopped in the act and told her. She didn’t want to hear it, walked away, threw her hands up in a sarcastic manner.
Immediately the instructor dashes over to me to dance, see for herself I guess? I’m asking myself, I identified her as the problem why are you not dancing with her first? Do you not beleive me, do you really think you can be her? So, I stopped her and asked if this were some sort of test? I could already anticipate the outcome as I am at fault, instructors of the same studio typically back one other up, of different do not. She didn't want to hear anything I had to say and walked off when I was explaining the push action being the issue.
The pro had been calling me often trying to get my business. The way I see it is, the AMs jobs were to find fault to promote sales lessons but were terrible in their approach.
Later, I went to DVIDA discovered the female teacher is not teaching the class right, more specially the lead parts I had challenged I investigated again to make sure I am correct. I am careful where I get my instruction from these days and ams instructors are all over the place. The instructor I was dancing with was telling me to some steps that differed from what the instructor teaching the class, so, the two of them were not of the same page. I use DVIDA as bible, look for instructors and ams on the same page. In this case, the pro is but said others in her studio did not know it, so they are not all on the same page. Not good! Most am students probably don't notice it but I do.
I have not heard from the pro since. If I were her I would want to get my side of the story, there is usually two sides. Explains why the attendance is so low especially leads.
My take away’s - Validates whom I will and won’t work with at any level. It inspired me to take a closer look at the Bolero steps so that is good!
When it comes to learning I have adopted the philosophy that there is no means to an end – there is always room for improvement. Therefore, I’ll never "arrive" at the end, so, I break it down to arrival points. Even after 30 years of drumming, I recently learned a lot in a pro taught AM Brazilian Samba class lately I did not know.
Red Flag #3 for me Pro or AM is when someone is trying to hard convince people how great they are and have closed the door on learning. In my mind, that is showing an obvious lack of confidence or insecurities.
Steve: "I've learned to avoid people who aren't interested in making it work, rather than, say, trying it again, then moving on if it still didn't work, no matter who is "at fault."
Good advice! This studio is off my list.
If you don’t agree or find fault in any of what I wrote, and I am sure it can be found, try the 1-2-3 process, it works, more people will listen better which is already hard to find, people that really listen as well as they talk, I have found.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I feel better venting and putting things into perspective
