Genuine or Fake. How do you tell?

[DanceMentor]

Do ever get a feeling about a dancer or teacher that they are "such a fake"? I mean...they have this flirty personality all the time. I think it's good to be kind to people and even make them feel good about themselves, but how do you draw the line?

 

[Sagitta]

I know what that's all about. I have a co-worker who is all syruppy all the time and it makes people sick in their stomachs to be around her as they know that it is not genuine. [That's other people's reaction, as I simply try to see the good that she is attempting to achieve.]

Responding as a cycnical person I can say that one must know how to fake it. One must give it 100%. For instance, take the smile that a person greets you with. If it is one of those instant smiles it does not have much impact. If you however, delay your smile for a fraction of a second and gradually let your smile develop it is perceived as warmer, more genuine!! Your body must also be more open/welcoming as well too!! So perhaps the ones that are preceived as "fakes" just don't know how to do it right.

Now if you cannot fake it....People often get confused about "it's good to be kind to people and even make them feel good about themselves" idea. We can always be kind to people by being truthful/genuine in the best possible way that we can. When a instructor/dancer/co-worker is not truthful it often shows up as differences in body language from facial expressions and what is being said.

My advice is if you cannot fake it then be genuine 100% of the time. A person feels better if they are interacting with you on a genuine level, rather then getting syruppy/flirty stuff which they realize is supposed to make them feel good, but isn't as they can tell it's fake. It's as if a person is trying "to put one over you"!!! Not good.

I know that I have given an either and or scenario and life is not just black and white. There are many circumstances/situations that are a shade of gray.

 

[pygmalion]

This is a tough one for me, DM, because I have had a large hand full of people think that I'm fake -- I'm too upbeat and friendly most of the time, so people think I can't possibly be real. What they don't know is that I've been through a couple truly dark periods in my life, and have deliberately cultivated the ability to be upbeat, regardless of my situation. So, like it or not, this is the real me. I only go down the negative path when absolutely necessary, which isn't often. Hmm. Still thinking.

 

[DanceMentor]

I think being upbeat is a good thing, and I try to do the same as often as possible. Would you believe I listen to Tony Robbins tapes quite often?

I was thinking more of people who are flirty for the purposes of manipulating people. The more I think about it though, the harder it is to define what I'm talking about. I guess being flirty or acting upbeat in itself is not a crime. It's when these things are combined with other unethical tactics

 

[pygmalion]

Yes. Although I've had a few jealous wives mistakenly think I'm flirting with their husbands, when I actually treat everybody, women and men the same.

But you're right. In the context of the dance world, a lot of unscrupulous teachers use those fake flirtation techniques on unsuspecting students -- which I think is grossly unfair. Especially when you consider the fact that many social dance students start taking lessons for emotional reasons, the manipulation is even worse.

 

[Vince A]

Yes. Although I've had a few jealous wives mistakenly think I'm flirting with their husbands, when I actually treat everybody, women and men the same.

Hi Jenn, I know what you mean . . . I've been confronted by a few husbands over the years. One of them asking me "Did you enjoy having sex with my wife on the dance floor?

Of course, I answered him, "You bet." He grumbled something and walked away!

I too, treat everyone the same. Yes I flirt on the dance floor, but isn't that a part of dance . . . especially Salsa and WCS???

Now that I've written that, I remember dancing with guys (for fun), but I sure as hell do not remember flirting with them. Ok, so I'm two faced a little!

 

[Sagitta]

I was thinking more of people who are flirty for the purposes of manipulating people. The more I think about it though, the harder it is to define what I'm talking about. I guess being flirty or acting upbeat in itself is not a crime. It's when these things are combined with other unethical tactics

I agree that it is hard to define/describe. Having said that it's obvious when it happens. You see it when it is being done. Unless you are desperate for attention, like lonely widows/widowers...