Getting over shyness

HCE

Member
Hi all, I've really enjoyed all the discussions and valuable insights. So here goes my question, how did it take you to get over initial shyness/trepidation and inner diva out? I know I have the steps and musicality (I have been told by numerous teachers and fellow students); but I can't seem to let myself go and just enjoy. BTW, I am currently doing a couple of social dances (Hustle/Salsa), Ballroom (Int. Foxtrot/Quickstep), and Latin (Int. Cha Cha/Jive).
 
Congrats! It takes a lot of courage to show up and dance! I still get nervous and jittery under certain circumstances, but after eight or nine years, some things that initially intimidated me have started to seem more normal and less worrisome. When I was relatively new to dance, the thing I told myself was this: my nervousness was a sign that I cared, and it was better to care than to feeling nothing at all. I also figured that I might as well attribute the massive amount of adrenaline surging through my system to excitement rather than nervousness. The more I embraced that feeling, the more I was able to use that energy in a good way, and the shyness gradually turned into a happier, more expressive me! Acclimating myself to progressively more challenging situations has also made things that initially terrified me (i.e. social dancing) seem like no big deal. Be gentle with yourself, and congratulations!
 
When I finally had some basic technique worked in to the point that I no longer had to think of everything with every step. For me this took about 6 months of lessons and classes, five days a week.
Also, one of the instructors really liked to focus on expression. He use a basic pattern and had us focus on creating the feeling and mood of the dance. This allowed me to develop the emotional side of my dancing and not always focusing on getting the mechanics right.
 
Thanks ND and WR! I know I still have a way to go; I started about 1 year ago and have been taking 1 private lesson a week with 4-6 groups (before Covid).

Not sure if you ever feel this way but sometimes when I dance, I think I am doing really well, until I see myself in the mirror ...:( Then I get self-conscious of others seeing how bad I am and it all goes down hill...

But I love dancing and am not willing to give it up. I will try your suggestions
 
I second @Well Rounded. The feeling of "freedom to perform" comes as a natural result of technical confidence. Once you can trust your feet to do more or less the right thing without your thinking consciously about it, it will seem like no big deal to start exploring and expressing the emotion of the music.

It took me a lot longer to get there--maybe three years or so--but I also practiced a lot less often. So in sheer hours spent, it was probably similar: about 250 hours.

Not sure if you ever feel this way but sometimes when I dance, I think I am doing really well, until I see myself in the mirror ...:( Then I get self-conscious of others seeing how bad I am and it all goes down hill...

Ha! I still feel that way on a regular basis, after six years with the sport. I have two pieces of advice for that.

First, keep reminding yourself is that "good" is relative. You know what "great" looks like, you are deliberately trying to produce that look, and are disappointed that you can't (yet). But think of the huge number of people who have never danced a step in their lives. They watch you, and can only marvel at how elegantly you move.

If you look back at yourself in a year's time, you'll be AMAZED at the difference. You would kill, right now, to look the way you will in a year's time, I can guarantee. When that day comes, you likely still won't be delighted with how you look...but, again, that's because your perspective keeps changing.

Second, don't worry so much about the look. Focus on the feeling. Even mediocre-looking dancing can feel absolutely wonderful!
 
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Thanks Fiesta for the encouraging words... you are ALL quite right about changing perspective and confidence through practice. In the beginning, I would never use my arms for styling, e.g. in salsa; but now the new students all compliment me on how good my arm styling is...;) if only I can get my hips to move...
 

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