Have found a beginner lead to dance with!

[Alora]

Hi

I’ve finally found a beginner lead to dance with after 3 years and we are the right height and get on well.He is keen to get better like me and he takes loads of private lessons. He’s been dancing since January. He is very charming and gets in well with everyone at our club.

I just need a bit of guidance as I’ve on;y ever danced with female leads and we just dance with each other, no problem

This lead and me dance together if rotated by the teacher, we do dance with other people to get experience but he never asks me to dance!

I’m in the advance class as well as the intermediate class and I’m working towards my silver bar medal. I join him in the beginner’s class so we can dance together sometimes but we all rotate with the others in the class.

I like the beginner’s class so I can practice my technique.

He is very new to dancing and has spent £3000 so far on private lessons but he says that it hard to practice on his own.

I went a social at our dance club and we sat at the sand table but he ignored me completely which I thought was very odd.

Just recently he is now telling me that he is going to ask some of the advance follows at our socials to dance I wasn’t sure what to say other than - ‘yes do they’d love it ‘ He is now saying that he won’t dance with the beginner follows in the class that he first danced with as he’s moved on with his dancing.

It’s always me that asks this lead to dance and he will dance with me because I’m intermediate and he says that he finds me easy to dance with.

Should I just wait for him to ask me to dance in future?

 

[Cal]

Hi

I’ve finally found a beginner lead to dance with after 3 years and we are the right height and get on well.He is keen to get better like me and he takes loads of private lessons. He’s been dancing since January. He is very charming and gets in well with everyone at our club.

I just need a bit of guidance as I’ve on;y ever danced with female leads and we just dance with each other, no problem

This lead and me dance together if rotated by the teacher, we do dance with other people to get experience but he never asks me to dance!

I’m in the advance class as well as the intermediate class and I’m working towards my silver bar medal. I join him in the beginner’s class so we can dance together sometimes but we all rotate with the others in the class.

I like the beginner’s class so I can practice my technique.

He is very new to dancing and has spent £3000 so far on private lessons but he says that it hard to practice on his own.

I went a social at our dance club and we sat at the sand table but he ignored me completely which I thought was very odd.

Just recently he is now telling me that he is going to ask some of the advance follows at our socials to dance I wasn’t sure what to say other than - ‘yes do they’d love it ‘ He is now saying that he won’t dance with the beginner follows in the class that he first danced with as he’s moved on with his dancing.

It’s always me that asks this lead to dance and he will dance with me because I’m intermediate and he says that he finds me easy to dance with.

Should I just wait for him to ask me to dance in future?

What are your goals? Are you looking for a Lead to dance with only at Group Lessons? Or only at Social Dances?

If you are interested in Practicing to get better, then mention to him the times that you are at the Club/Studio to Practice, and ask him if he’d want to do a Joint Practice with you for, say, 1 hour. See what he says. If he wants to Practice with you, great – see, how it goes, and then, if it goes well, maybe set up a Practice Schedule with him.

 

[vit]

My impression is that he isn't especially interested in dancing with you ...

 

[Alora]

Brutal, but thank you

 

[vit]

Anyway, the fact that he spent quite an amount of money in relatively short time is a bit strange. Sure privates help much more than group classes, but no matter what, in dancing, body needs time to transform (this is however different from person to person) and one can't buy that time with money ... looks like he has a bit unrealistic goals, including him mentioning dancing with advanced followers ... Sure, dancing with advanced partner is usually better than dancing with beginner, but it is also usually giving unrealistic feeling that one is better dancer than he really is because other person is making up for it ... etc

Ask him directly, otherwise your waiting for him to do the first step might last quite long ... but have above in mind ...

 

[Alora]

Thsnk you. Happily I’ve just had a message saying he wants to join me in a private lesson…one step at a time…excuse the pun

 

[opendoor]

Hi, Alora, my perspective as a tango dancer is different. Certainly, at a certain stage of training, you can only progress with a regular dance partner. But the ultimate goal always is to dance well enough as quickly as possible that you no longer need a dedicated dance partner. And this applies to followers as well as leaders.

As a beginner tango student, I quickly learned from experience that a follower will switch to a better leader after two months. Conversely, I always had to find a replacement early on. Therefore, for me, a dedicated dance partner is always a very volatile person.

And my advice is, the more your look betrays that you expect that he dances more often with you, the faster you'll get rid of him. You should arrange to meet your dedicated dance partner for coffee before the lesson and perhaps go out for a meal or drink afterward. But you should not expect more than what the basic agreement stipulates: working together for 1.5 hours.

 

[j_alexandra]

Hi

I’ve finally found a beginner lead to dance with after 3 years and we are the right height and get on well.He is keen to get better like me and he takes loads of private lessons. He’s been dancing since January.

He is very new to dancing and has spent £3000 so far on private lessons

Just recently he is now telling me that he is going to ask some of the advance follows at our socials to dance...

This happens so often with beginner leads. They only want to dance with dancers who are "advanced." And who can blame them? A truly advanced follow will compensate for your errors, backlead you without you even knowing it, make you feel like you're a good dancer. Who doesn't want that?

If you look around on DF, you'll find lots of instances of members talking about beginner leads who complain that follows are getting it wrong (no matter how advanced the follow) or are no good (same); some have complained about highly placed professionals (Larinda!).

In fairness, follows fuss about beginner leads for same reasons.

When you don't even know what you don't even know, it's so easy to think you know more than you do. (Dunning-Kruger in partner dance occupies its own special level of purgatory)

It’s always me that asks this lead to dance and he will dance with me because I’m intermediate and he says that he finds me easy to dance with.

Should I just wait for him to ask me to dance in future?

Ask him, if you really want to dance with him. Don't ask, don't get.

 

[Alora]

Thanks everyone.

Thank you also Alexandra - very insightful, funny and helpful. Like you say ‘you don’t know what you don’t’ know..and when you do know you feel very silly.

I didn’t realise just how advanced dancers and teachers compensated until I started getting better

The lesson went really well and he seemed to enjoy it.

One step at a time.

Thanks

 

[opendoor]

Thanks everyone..

And keep us current !

 

[Alora]

I will!