How do you avoid dancing with someone too much?

[Stillharbor]

My advise is to tell the lady that "so and so" hasn't danced and just move off to one of the ladies that you wanted to give a chance to. MOST ladies who aren't too selfish understand that you're trying to spread yourself around and not just putting them off for no reason.

I understand what you're talking about with the more aggressive ladies "pre-booking" or pouncing on you as soon as you get off the floor. We have a gentleman at our studio who is very popular, too. I've heard him use that line and take another lady out on the floor. He has taken a cue from the teachers at the studio to kind of eyeball the ladies that had to sit out the last dance for lack of a partner and makes sure he gives them the chance to dance if they wish. If he's turned down (which rarely if never happens), there's always someone for him to pick up.

 

[QPO]

I agree, I think it is better to be honest I think in the end people know where you stand and wont take it personally. You don't have to say it in a nasty way.I am sure you will work it out.

What happened to being honest and saying, sorry but i'd like to sit this one out?

 

[Mostly Ballroom]

That's a broad definitive statement of non-interest. I usually don't ask again the lady from whom I got this respond unless she asks me.

I get this in salsa. For whatever reason I prefer it to an excuse. but then there seem to be more contrived excuses in salsa. And to be fair the men I've talked to prefer the excuse as being more respectful of them then a flat turn down. So probably the flat "No thank you." is not a good idea. I still prefer it however. Or better yet "Not this time." I suppose I could just understand that the excuse is just an attempt to not make me mad. Or to soften it.

 

[Mostly Ballroom]

I could be wrong about this, but one effect of increasingly having people bring hired partners to socials seems to be that traditional attendees are starting to be a little more observant, often taking a moment to "read" the clues to someone's status/mood instead of just charging in blindly with a request. But there are also events that have gone far enough that way that you don't want to attend without bringing a friend to dance with.

This is a good idea. I blunder in usually. Unless women are deep in conversation.

 

[samina]

I could be wrong about this, but one effect of increasingly having people bring hired partners to socials seems to be that traditional attendees are starting to be a little more observant, often taking a moment to "read" the clues to someone's status/mood instead of just charging in blindly with a request .

how are the two connected? missing the link...

 

[Sabor]

nice thing about salsa.. one could dance with up to like three ladies at the same time ..
if only that works for bachata too.. hmm

 

[fascination]

did I mention that we missed you?

 

[Joe]

how are the two connected? missing the link...

Because you don't want to be barging into a business transaction.

 

[samina]

Because you don't want to be barging into a business transaction.

So just because a couple is in the room who is off-limits, it would cause people to become more sensitive to how they ask for dances? That seems like a stretch to me...

Anyway, what's wrong with barging in (with a little charm...)...people are ostensibly there to dance, not get into profound discussion. Being interrupted mid-sentence is de rigeur...

 

[Chris Stratton]

So just because a couple is in the room who is off-limits, it would cause people to become more sensitive to how they ask for dances? That seems like a stretch to me...

The couple who is off-limits doesn't have a sign to that effect pinned to the guys back... it takes moderate observation (and some knowledge of the existence of this practice) to figure out what they are.

I think this makes traditional attendees start to be a bit more observant of the details of those around them, and hopefully more likely to pick up on body language cues that often indicate receptiveness to being asked - in other words, hopefully fewer of the kinds of result-of-insufficient-awareness requests that this thread is about delicately turning down.

Anyway, what's wrong with barging in (with a little charm...)...

What's wrong is it becomes something of an implicit demand, that is hard to delicately escape. That's the whole reason this thread exists.

 

[samina]

The couple who is off-limits doesn't have a sign to that effect pinned to the guys back... it takes moderate observation (and some knowledge of the existence of this practice) to figure out what they are.

I think this makes traditional attendees start to be a bit more observant of the details of those around them, and hopefully more likely to pick up on body language cues that often indicate receptiveness to being asked - in other words, hopefully fewer of the kinds of result-of-insufficient-awareness requests that this thread is about delicately turning down.

Sounds nice but, honestly, I think someone is either inclined toward sensitivity to nuance or not...I've never seen someone who was a blockhead socially magically transform into Casanova, and certainly not catalyzed by such a small detail. But that's a very generous thought on your part.

What's wrong is it becomes something of an implicit demand, that is hard to delicately escape. That's the whole reason this thread exists.

None of it is so delicate or hard if people would stop over-complicating it by worrying they'll say the wrong thing, or hurt someone's feelings, and think they have to endlessly maneuver and manipulate. It really is a needless waste of energy.

It's quite possible to be truthful and gracious with the OP's concern, without getting mired in complexity. Be kind, be happy, be real...and it's all good. If someone is offended by that, honestly, that is no one's problem but their own.

 

[Chris Stratton]

Sounds nice but, honestly, I think someone is either inclined toward sensitivity to nuance or not...I've never seen someone who was a blockhead socially magically transform into Casanova, and certainly not catalyzed by such a small detail. But that's a very generous thought on your part.

Well I have noticed some real change in how perceptive people are at socials. And it seems particularly true at venues where hired partners are common. Perhaps I'm wrong in my explanation for why it's happening, but it does seem to be happening.

 

[samina]

sounds good, chris, whatever the reason.

 

[fascination]

gotta say, though it is a bit off topic, that if I knew someon was there with a hired partner, I would not venture to ask them to dance

 

[samina]

gotta say, though it is a bit off topic, that if I knew someon was there with a hired partner, I would not venture to ask them to dance

most definitely