How do you respond when someone says “ I don’t like you”?

[DanceMentor]

I think my first instinct is to be defensive but these days I’m pretty cool and collected and I might say something like not everyone has good tastes, but that’s a little bit argumentative. I might rather say that maybe you’ll get to know me and understand me better in the future but I can’t control how you think. I just control how I think about myself and I think I’m pretty cool!

I suppose some of this is my own self talk but how do you respond when somebody gives you a negative comment expressing how they don’t like you?

Maybe it’s better just to smile and walk away.

 

[fiesta0618]

There is no response. It is a statement, not an invitation to a dialogue. And it isn't an opinion you can change with words.

If this is someone whose good opinion matters to you, you might ask why not. It could be that you have some habit or behavior that irritates them. If you care enough about their good opinion, you can work on changing that, and tell them so.

But to argue? Or throw back a cutting remark? Useless and pointless.

 

[Joe]

"Bless your heart."

 

[opendoor]

..maybe you’ll get to know me and understand me better in the future but... how do you respond when somebody gives you a negative comment..

My English is lousy, I apologize for that. But do I hear between the lines that you may have said it to someone else?

 

[Pryn]

My go-to replies are: Thank you for your honesty. I realize I may not be everyone's cup of tea and that's okay. While I don't expect everyone to like me, I'd prefer their experience with me not be a negative one. If you have any constructive feedback on what I've done or said that has turned you off, I'd be open to hearing about it.

I, then, use the feedback to reflect on whether I was the true source of the issue or not, and IF (or how) it should influence my future interactions with them or others.

If no constructive feedback is offered, the situation may be unsalvageable. At this point, your self-confidence has to be strong enough to let them go and move on without giving you official closure.

 

[ProgressNotPerfection]

Do people over the age of 5 actually say "I don't like you" directly to another person? Outside of the dating context, I mean. If you ask someone out on a date, and they say no, and you ask why, I could see them saying "bcs I don't like you that way" (or WTTE). Under what other circumstances does someone (older than 5) say "I don't like you" to someone else?

 

[Pryn]

Do people over the age of 5 actually say "I don't like you" directly to another person?

Yes, some do. I've been told by past co-workers that I smile too much and have such a positive disposition on a regular basis that I must be a fake person and they don't like me. The feedback they offered was because life isn't always happy, but I seem to be.

Personally, I'd rather know they don't like me up front then have ambiguity.

Side note: Later I learned, the most outspoken person was going through a tough time and just wanted someone to sit with them and empathize - not be cheery.

Even though I had not wronged anyone, I still learned a valuable lesson from it. I may still smile a lot, but now I try to be more sensitive to understanding where people are first, and let that guide my interactions.

 

[ProgressNotPerfection]

I smile too much and have such a positive disposition on a regular basis

 

[ProgressNotPerfection]

I've been told by past co-workers that I smile too much and have such a positive disposition on a regular basis that I must be a fake person and they don't like me. The feedback they offered was because life isn't always happy, but I seem to be.

That's kind of depressing - to be criticized because you're NOT a "Debbie Downer" - and for people to assume you're fake because of that.

(Have you tried practicing a good Resting B/tch Face? I have some friends who could provide tips on this....)

 

[neveragain]

(Have you tried practicing a good Resting B/tch Face? I have some friends who could provide tips on this....)

Or resting tango face?

 

[Bailango]

Or resting tango face?

That’s two levels more advanced! Prefacing with “resting” is redundant

 

[Warren J. Dew]

Later I learned, the most outspoken person was going through a tough time and just wanted someone to sit with them and empathize - not be cheery.

Even though I had not wronged anyone, I still learned a valuable lesson from it. I may still smile a lot, but now I try to be more sensitive to understanding where people are first, and let that guide my interactions.

Good for you!

That's kind of depressing - to be criticized because you're NOT a "Debbie Downer" - and for people to assume you're fake because of that.

While my wife was dealing with infertility, her least favorite nurse she nicknamed "nurse Pollyanna". This nurse was always full of cheery but empty reassurances like, "I'm sure it will work next time!" Wife didn't want reassurances; wife wanted advice on what needed to change so "it" would actually work "next time".

Eventually we and the doctor changed the drug regimen all around and the fourth IVF cycle actually worked. Had we all been looking for solutions all along instead of just hoping it would "work next time", this could have happened on the second cycle, saving us a year or so. Granted, nurse Polyanna did help sell the two additional IVF cycles that didn't work, but that didn't seem a good reason not to criticize her.

 

[Pryn]

I'm saddened to hear that the journey of you and your wife was so hard. I am so glad that in the end, you were able to overcome it.

While I'm sure Nurse Polyanna meant well and hoped to encourage you and your wife, I can imagine you felt it was a bit patronizing. The mental and monetary expense for both of you was likely high and this extra layer of 'try to cheer up and be optimistic' could easily make a hard situation even worse.

Some attempts can be repeated with no change in medical approach and be successful some cannot. It's fortunate that your doctor was open to trying a different approach after the failed attempts and provided a modified plan.

(By the way, I was also called or described as a polyanna by friends in my youth, so reading her nickname made me smile.)

 

[Warren J. Dew]

While I'm sure Nurse Polyanna meant well and hoped to encourage you and your wife, I can imagine you felt it was a bit patronizing. The mental and monetary expense for both of you was likely high and this extra layer of 'try to cheer up and be optimistic' could easily make a hard situation even worse.

It might be us, too. When choosing a pediatrician later on, a (different) nurse described one as "really a good doctor, though his bedside manner leaves something to be desired." As soon as we heard about the bedside manner, my wife and I were both like, "that's the one!"

 

[tsb]

if this occurred within the dance community, your response might have an impact on your business. but it still might not be a bad idea to respond with: "clearly, you're missing out big time."