How to avoid close embrace

[etchuck]

Ways you know [MadamSamba, or other female follower] doesn't want to be held close when dancing tango (or Balboa for that matter):

* She "forgets" to wear deodorant.
* She eats a bulb of garlic right after you ask her to dance. (DanceMentor)
* She offers to lead.
* She'll dance on condition she can amputate your arm.
* She starts hacking up a hairball when you start putting her into "really close position."
* She practices impersonating a vampire and "accidentally" injures your jugular vein and carotid artery.
* She talks NON-STOP throughout the dance. Usually the conversation is full of the words "left" and "right" and normally comes in a rhythm that is discordant with the music being played.
* She starts to dance salsa.

 

[Chris Stratton]

Large, prickly lapel pins or necklace pendants?

 

[bordertangoman]

Ways you know [MadamSamba, or other female follower] doesn't want to be held close when dancing tango (or Balboa for that matter):

* She "forgets" to wear deodorant.
* She eats a bulb of garlic right after you ask her to dance. (DanceMentor)
* She offers to lead.
* She'll dance on condition she can amputate your arm.
* She starts hacking up a hairball when you start putting her into "really close position."
* She practices impersonating a vampire and "accidentally" injures your jugular vein and carotid artery.
* She talks NON-STOP throughout the dance. Usually the conversation is full of the words "left" and "right" and normally comes in a rhythm that is discordant with the music being played.
* She starts to dance salsa.

to which I would add: she genetically mutates to become a "Species" (as in the film of the same name)

 

[Ampster]

The man should feel this and make concessions to make his partner comfortable. I make it a point to do so. AT should be mutualy enjoyable.

Failing that (There are men out there who are as dense as trees), plant your elbow in the crook of his arm. That should keep your distance. Also, it gives him one helluva hint.

 

[chachachacat]

if he knows, then i woulsn't dsnce with him. he's a deliveratw creeep & doesn't csre, or juxt likes to see you uncomdorgavle.

by not telling him or vontinuing to dance with him, you are confoning it, like ldtting a colt get aqay wiht nipping his hsndler.

I'd say anyone who likes to see you uncomdoegavale is a deliveratw creeep!

 

[chachachacat]

Maybe they should serve heads of roasted garlic at the milonga!
Or garlic heads on necklaces, so they can be removed when you do want to dance close.

 

[new-ish]

This is the code of etiquette where I dance:

"Declining a dance

If the leader is too dense to recognize that you broke, or worse yet never made, eye contact, just say "No, thank you", with or without a big smile. This is important! If followers allow themselves to be pressured into dances they don't want or otherwise accede to rude behavior, they encourage it. Followers have the absolute right to decline to dance with anyone, at any time (even if they are already dancing), for any reason. You may wish to offer a courteous excuse such as, "I am resting/would rather not dance to this music, etc.," to soften the refusal, and if you would like to dance with this partner some other time, be sure to say so.

Establishing the embrace

It is the follower's absolute prerogative to establish the closeness of the embrace and rude for a leader to apply any sort of pressure, physical or verbal, to do so: The leader usually holds out his left hand, the follower takes it and then places her left hand wherever she wishes (from the leader's upper arm, signaling a desire for open embrace, to the back of the neck or beyond for close embrace). Only then should the leader complete the embrace. If the leader doesn't extend his hand, the follower places her left hand to establish the embrace.

Ending the engagement

"Thank you" is the conventional way of saying, "I want to stop dancing." Use other phrases if you want to continue. It's perfectly acceptable to break after one, two or three dances, or even (for followers) in the middle of a dance, if you are uncomfortable with your partner's dancing or other behavior.

Leaders: As a courtesy to the follower and the other leaders present, "release" her at the end of a tanda. This is traditionally signified by a "cortina" of some non-tango music (note to DJs: this is one reason why it's important to have cortinas! Another is to prepare the dancers for a change in the music)."

A pity if you do not have the same where you dance.

 

[DanceMentor]

How to avoid close embrace...
"Let me show you the TRUE TANGO..."
and do some strong linking action to promenade.
(sorry, just kidding)

 

[fascination]

Maybe you should be blunt and tell him you are not comfortable with the close embrace yet, especially if you don't do it with others either.

I agree...though I have never in my life objected to a close embrace.... ....in fact i rather look forward to the next one

 

[DanceMentor]

I agree...though I have never in my life objected to a close embrace.... ....in fact i rather look forward to the next one

Yes, but in Standard we do our close embrace much lower.
So do you prefer the upper body or lower body in your close embrace.
(just kidding of course)

 

[fascination]

Yes, but in Standard we do our close embrace much lower.
So do you prefer the upper body or lower body in your close embrace.
(just kidding of course)

well I know you're kidding ...but do you know the answer? answer close=good, period

 

[Sagitta]

REminds me of being a ballroom newbie and dancing with someone from the university ballroom team. She stuck to me and I was like oh!! Then I realised that was the way they danced so went along with it.

 

[Pathological Dancer]

It is suppose to be a communication between partners. If he cannot get it or worse deliberately fails to comprehend, then what's the point of dancing AT? Just flat out refuse the invitation, may be the message will sink in after that. Good luck, I am pretty sure there are a lot gentle and proficient leaders.

 

[spectator]

dancing with a grabber

I thought I'd ressurect this topic after a Milonga I went to on Saturday.

I was asked to dance very loudly and publicly by a man I can't remember having danced with before, but he knew my name so out of politeness I accepted (everyone will see if I say no and I don't want people to think I'm picky-I am, but they don't need to know that) and rather than letting my pet rats loose to gnaw out his eyes for removing my option to decline (which I should have done) I stood up and went to dance.
Unless I know the guy is a good dancer I don't start off in close embrace. It's easier to protect your balance and toes that way. So as soon as he starts off his hand starts pulling me towards him-really pushing on the curve of my spine to the point that i'm in almost ballroom posture trying to keep back. And he keeps muttering "come on, come on..."
Raaaaaargh!
so I manage to inch my arm right down his arm to force him to let me out.
I thought that would be the end of it, but then he starts doing it again, so I'm really pushing him away, while trying not to look upset or pissed off (because then other guys won't want to dance with you) and he strts muttering "this is Tango we dance close" "come on... come on..."


He isn't a good leader, but it was his attitude that made me want to punch him. If you try to make me I won't want to do it.

Is there anything a follower can say when he doesn't get the hint that you don't want to dance close other than "thank you bye.". I don't even see why I should thank him!

How can I make sure he never asks me again without doing something that'll put other people off as well?

 

[Joe]

"I'm sorry, I don't dance with guys who feel me up?"