How to flirt, and why.

toothlesstiger said:
Very important to be very sensitive to reactions and go slowly.

On the topic of hugging, and general cultural interactions, I have an Italian relative who married a Swedish man. When they were in Italy, he was all warm and fuzzy and huggy and talkative. They moved to Sweden, and the warmth stopped. She became depressed and suicidal out of loneliness in the new culture.

My wife grew up in a culture where even husband and wife did not display any affection outside the bedroom. It took about 30 minutes in my huggy, bantering, mediterranean family for her to fit right in.
Click to expand...

This warmed my heart :)
 
Steve Pastor said:
I've always felt that women could touch with more "societal approval" than men could.
Click to expand...
true in the states, but i know in my own grecian community, whether family, friends or recent acquaintances, it is very touchy-feely, including amongst the men -- they tend to be very hands-on with affection IME. there's a sense of entitlement to touch others that would be offensive to most westerners... again IME.

i can instantly think of numerous older male acquaintances who are very physically affectionate with both my male children & my father. all wholesome & innocent stuff -- agape. :)
 
toothlesstiger said:
On the topic of hugging, and general cultural interactions, I have an Italian relative who married a Swedish man. When they were in Italy, he was all warm and fuzzy and huggy and talkative. They moved to Sweden, and the warmth stopped. She became depressed and suicidal out of loneliness in the new culture.

My wife grew up in a culture where even husband and wife did not display any affection outside the bedroom. It took about 30 minutes in my huggy, bantering, mediterranean family for her to fit right in.
Click to expand...
i can very much relate. i married a 1/2 swede/1/2 norwegian, and in fact grew up in minnesota where it is predominantly scandinavian. i experienced this coming-together-of-extremely-different-cultures aspect in many ways, especially with my in-laws, who were right out of "my big fat greek wedding". :tongue:

my (ex)husband loved the largesse and warmth of the greeks. i would have been inclined toward a small bridal affair but..he wanted the whole souvlaki. :cool:
 
Now a days with "man hugs" and shoulder bumps common among younger men (at least in my experience) it seems there is another cultural / generational change going on in the US.
 
Steve Pastor said:
Now a days with "man hugs" and shoulder bumps common among younger men (at least in my experience) it seems there is another cultural / generational change going on in the US.
Click to expand...
i agree. my boyz are pretty demonstrative with their close friends, and with each other. it's different from how i remember back in the day...

there's a "softer" side that's worn more candidly on the surface.
 
samina said:
true in the states, but i know in my own grecian community, whether family, friends or recent acquaintances, it is very touchy-feely, including amongst the men -- they tend to be very hands-on with affection IME. there's a sense of entitlement to touch others that would be offensive to most westerners... again IME.

i can instantly think of numerous older male acquaintances who are very physically affectionate with both my male children & my father. all wholesome & innocent stuff -- agape. :)
Click to expand...

Yup. A lot of it is cultural. (The guy I touched is also African-American, so you'd think I'd understand where he's coming from. :oops: )

I have a couple coworkers who are Latinas. They interact easily with each other, but are very, very formal with Latinos who work with us. There are rules which don't include women and men interacting casually and socially, outside of family/church and other very well defined safe zones. (One coworker explained it to me, since I was completely baffled.)
 
samina said:
true in the states, but i know in my own grecian community, whether family, friends or recent acquaintances, it is very touchy-feely, including amongst the men -- they tend to be very hands-on with affection IME. there's a sense of entitlement to touch others that would be offensive to most westerners... again IME.
Click to expand...
Probably an extension of all the gesticulating with the hands while talking. ;)
 
you got that right. :)

actually, i think it's because they're just so gosh-darn LOUD and emotional that it spills out all over, lolz.
 
Definitely cultural. Definitely. On my dad's side of the family (read: Italian, Polish), greetings are kisses. Period. Male, female, related, not, first time meeting, old friends...whatever. Greetings are: hand, or hands, on each others arm/side somewhere, and a kiss on the cheek. Possibly two. It's just normal. Between the men as well as the women.

When I went to Argentina one of my teachers greeted me in much the same way...which led to apologies and explanations by the American woman who arranged the lessons...which led to my explaining that it seemed perfectly normal to me. Shrug. Culture is a funny thing.

Italy is also the first/only place I've seen pairs of (straight, not a couple) men walk arm in arm...and the women as well. Was interesting to my 15-year-old eyes to see my grandfather hold hands with my uncle as they were walking along and talking. Shrug.

Interesting thing...gender roles and behaviors and norms across cultures. What is considered gay in one place isn't in another. Shrug.
 
When I was young, it was normal for Italian men to dance together freestyle, much as women do in the U.S. Yet Italian culture has more than its fair share of machismo and homophobia.
 
i have to challenge the definition as i perceive to have been presented:

flirting is solely about making the other person feel better about themselves. it is effective when it is genuine and done without expectation of benefit in return. a flirt may become more popular as an individual, but that is a byproduct of being a successful flirt.
 
Hmm. I think that flirting is like sex. It's about making the other person feel better but, in the process, I feel better, too. *shrug*
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Dance Ads

Advertise on Dance Forums Reach dancers, teachers, studios, event organizers, and dance-friendly brands. View ad options
Back
Top