I am 26 and never danced in my entire life

S

SteveSmith

New Member
I am 26 and never danced in my entire life and I think I am missing something. The reason I never danced is because I am shy. And I want to change that and dance. I wonder if I will have the guts to do it once and for all.

For some reason, I am afraid of looking like an idiot. What if I don't have any rythm? Also I was always bothered by my physical appearance. I don't look that good (I have a beard).

I am going to an afterhour club this weekend. I am not going to drink or take any drug. I have more fun when I am sober than when I am intoxicated.

How should I start? Just move a little in the beginning or something?

I mean, I used to have friends who go in clubs but they dumped me a long time ago because I was the only one in the group not dancing and they didn't not consider me "cool" enough to be with them.

Here is an incident that happened some years ago. I went in a club with some friends. Then a really pretty girl approaches me and start rubbing her knat on me. I guess it was an invitation for grinding.

Being the idiot that I am, I stood there, not moving and I didn't know what to do. She quickly lost interest in me.

Also I went in clubs a few times, only to watch other people like a reject and not doing anything. Now I want to be part of the action.
 
Steve,

You're not alone. From what I understand, most men feel exactly as you do. In fact, I felt exactly as you did when I started dancing (I started at 26).

I wouldn't get up on the floor at weddings (the only time I was around dancing), even if someone tried to drag me. I felt stupid, but I was afraid of feeling stupider - what would I do once I got up?

Eventually, I found a reason that I couldn't ignore, and I was forced to learn to dance. So, I found a studio near where I work, went in, and scheduled a lesson.

When I first showed up for that lesson, I wanted to be anywhere else. The scariest thing that I had ever done before that was going sky diving, and I would far have preferred to be jumping out of a plane. And I told the teacher so.

She was very good, and made me feel very comfortable.

The ballroom studio that I went to was unusual, in that it has multiple rooms, so newcomers can learn completely alone for a few lessons. The first lesson where I was in a group class was terrible: Horror of horrors, I had to dance in front of people!

Then, my first private lesson (private lessons means just you and your teacher, group lessons means a bunch of people and the teacher) in the general ballroom was scary, too- I had to dance alone, where people could see me!

Eventually, I got used to it. And I've seen lots of other people go through it, themselves. I count myself lucky that I found a studio where the teachers are good, and the students are friendly. That went a long way to making me comfortable.

Going out for the first time can be very scary. Before I took lessons, I tried going out to a couple clubs, but I couldn't get the gumption to ask anyone to dance. After taking lessons for a couple months, I went to dances with friends - and only with friends - but wouldn't dare to ask anyone to dance with me. Not even people I knew. It took a few tries before I could ask people I knew, then more before I could ask people I didn't know.

I suggest going somewhere where they'll teach a lesson before the dance. They'll teach you what to do, so that you won't be standing there, feeling silly.

If you enjoy it - or enjoy how it looks - then see if there's someplace in the area that normally teaches lessons. If you get to dance with someone who's particularly good, ask them if they can recommend somewhere to take lessons.

If you already know what you want to do - ballroom, swing, ballet, or whatever, just go find a studio. Of course, I get the impression that you want to go clubbing, and I'm not sure what to do for that (I don't go clubbing)...

Or, for a different suggestion, try to find a friend in your area, who also dances, and who is shy. S/he will know exactly what it's like to be in your shoes, and will be in a position where s/he can help you (if s/he's the type to be good at helping *grin*).

Oh, and remember, not every kind of dancing is for everyone. There's lots and lots of people who love salsa. I hate it (well, not really, I hate how bad I am at it) and won't go salsa dancing. But I love ballroom. I may never go clubbing.
 
For me, the trouble with clubbing is I wouldn't know how to learn what to do - other than going and watching a bunch of times, or asking someone you know to teach you (beyond, "just move to the music").


Someone else might have good advice for clubbing. Sorry that I'm not of much use in that area.
 
atk, you gave a great response here!

SteveSmith, I feel your pain. I didn't start dancing until I was 48, so you are way ahead of me! I don't do freestyle/club dancing either, but I have found that learning to dance gave me a little more confidence about doing that occasionally if I am out dancing and they play club music. (We usually go to C&W clubs or dances at the studio where we take lessons.) I find it easier if I am with friends and we all get up in a group to dance. And of course, I have the added "problem" of being slightly older than most the people on the floor at that time!
I remember my teacher once told me that he had someone coming in for a lesson and he was going to teach him in a separate room because he didn't want anyone to see him. You need to ask around to find someone sympathetic and understanding, then just swallow your pride a little and follow their instruction.(Maybe it would be easier for you to learn from another man at first?)
I hope we hear from you soon that you are out dancing and having a ball! And, welcome to DF!
 
Hey, not sure what help I can be, but I'll take a shot at it.

Ever since I was very little, I've watched people dancing in movies, and always wanted to do that. Well finally, after years, and a knee injury, I decided to dive in a few months ago. And part of it is just psyching yourself up to the fact, that you're new, and you probably are going to look like an idiot. I've been going to our local bop club, and taking the lessons, then just jumping in and dancing...and while, I've had some quite, odd (weird, and interesting) experiences during my time going there, but it's also been great to dance with so many people. Some friends of ours have been dancing together 7 years, and won several swing/latin competitions - and have never taken lessons. Nothing against lessons, but sometimes experience is the best teacher. If you get out there and just say "Hey, I'm new" some people might not want to dance with you...but others will be very helpful in showing you what to do.

Just my two cents.

Also, it's much easier after the first time - I left and I was just itching to go back the next week.

-Trill
 
It's not really dancing but there is an Arcade machine called Dance Dance Revolution. I always wanted to play it but I was so shy I didn't try it!

I finally played it in front of dozens of people 2 weeks ago... It's a step in the right direction.
 
I didn't start learning to dance until I was 48, after 30 years of having been branded incapable of ever learning (and constantly reminded of it all those years by my wife, now recently turned into my ex). From the very first day I've constantly received compliments from my partners, but it's still been a struggle to build myself up to the point where I'm fairly confident, in my swing dancing at least (salsa and ballroom still need a lot of work). So it's great that you're starting out now while you're still young and will have a lot more years of dancing to look forward to than I will.

The funny thing is that I'm only experienced with partner dancing. I still can't figure what to do with free-style (and at many singles dance events all most of them know is free-style), so I usually need to fake it with salsa-like shines and some cha-cha steps (which I also usually fake with salsa). I may not know what I'm doing, but I do more spins than any other guy out there. One friend who's great at salsa but still kind of a beginner at West Coast Swing has to get a tequila in her before she can dance swing. I've always avoided alcohol when dancing because I knew I needed to have all my senses about me. Now I'm thinking that maybe I should use a tequila to prep me for free-style. But not for swing nor salsa, of course.

And don't worry about anyone watching you. First, everyone was a beginner once upon a time. Second, everybody's watching that really great dancer over there and can't even notice you.

Also, when I started learning I knew I'd suck and probably never ever learn (remember my 30 years of conditioning), so I decided to not take myself too seriously and to just relax and have funny -- the alternative would be to take myself too seriously, as usual, and get so frustrated that I couldn't do a thing and give up after a short while. So I'd smile all the time and I'd laugh at myself whenever I made a mistake. In all my classes, I have the reputation of being the guy who's always smiling and laughing and having fun. And that would give my partners a chance to relax and have a little fun too (though they're also happy to rotate to me because, they say, I'm just about the only guy there who knows what he's doing and how to lead).

The point is, relax and have fun and don't worry that you suck at it. Everybody sucks at it at first. My friend once asked our Lindy instructor how long before we stop sucking at it and he said he'd let her know after he got to that point himself. We're never going to be satisfied without our own performance and we're going to see and feel every little mistake we make, even though everybody else thinks we did it just great. So just relax and don't take it too seriously and have fun and be somebody the girls can have fun dancing with.

And finally, to add to atk's first suggestions, build up a group of dance friends so that you can all go to the clubs together. It makes the experience a lot less scary and provides you a pool of people you know that you're comfortable dancing with. You should dance with strangers as well, to build up a group of dance acquaintances.


atk said:
... or asking someone you know to teach you (beyond, "just move to the music").
Click to expand...

Oh I really hate that. That is the only way that my [then-girl friend, later-wife, now recently-ex] and her friends had tried to "teach" me. Not only did it not help in the least bit, but it only proved to them and to me that I couldn't learn to dance and got me certified as such and held me back for thirty years. Why do people try to screw others up like that?
 
SteveSmith said:
I am 26 and never danced in my entire life and I think I am missing something. The reason I never danced is because I am shy. And I want to change that and dance. I wonder if I will have the guts to do it once and for all.
Click to expand...

I started at 35, but I found partner dancing solve my shyness problem. I tend to focus on the dancing and forget that there are people around. I still have problems with free-stying, etc. Iif such music play, I'm back to the old me.

It's funny cause I was discussing this with my sister and she was telling me that now when I've become better in dancing, people will watch, but when I couldn't dance, no one would have looked. In partner dancing I tend to forget about the people around.
 
Beginning To Learn

Some have made some very good suggestions, now a little advice from a prof. of multi yrs. I deal with beg, every week in various " Partner styles ". i dont think the true club scene is going to solve your problem. several reasons, trust an old dance pro. There are 2 types of genres you can involve yourself in, the ballroom or the salsa . the ballroom will give you partnership skills in the dances of your choice ( there are ten or if in the states 13 ) the salsa will essentially do the same thing . both are reasonably priced, and you will be placed with other beginners doing the same as you are . most teachers are are fully aware of your inhibitions , and in no way will they try to intimidate you. You learn at your own pace and no commitments beyond each week . i have ladies in their seventies on a regular basis learning salsa !! .And lastly, EVERYONE has rythm, your heart beats with it its in the way you walk etc etc.,All that needs to be done is to transform that into a stuctured melodic movement ( dance ) Most important, consistency. with classes , and mainly-- have fun !!! ( p.s.--let us know how you are doing )
 
Mainly agreement, but with a very slight disagreement.

While I would personally encourage partner dancing over clubbing, if clubbing is the main social dance situation you're going to encounter then you would still need to learn it. I believe that this is supported by a number of us having started out not being able to dance -- which in our time meant that we couldn't free-style or anything -- so we learned partner dancing and have become fairly good at it and confident, but when we're thrown back into a free-style situation we find ourselves pretty much back to Square One (myself, I go to about Square Three, since now I can hear and follow the beat and I can do something with my feet and I can interact with my partner -- ie, as "sucky" as I am at it, I do know that I am also vastly improved over where I used to be).

Of course, once Steve has gotten confident enough with his clubbing, he should and most likely will want to, move on the real dancing and learn that the joys of connecting far exceed those of clubbing. But one step at a time [5 6 7 8 ... ].

tangotime said:
And lastly, EVERYONE has rythm, your heart beats with it its in the way you walk etc etc.,All that needs to be done is to transform that into a stuctured melodic movement ( dance )
Click to expand...

Yes, yes, ... yes, yes, ... yes, yes, ... YES!

Along with my certification in never ever being capable of learning to dance, I was diagnosed with being completely devoid of rhythm. But I was able to learn it and if I can do it, then anybody can! The main thing is that you need to learn what to listen for (my ex and her friends never taught me that), have an idea of what you're supposed to do with your feet and body (nor that), and to constantly practice and work on it (eg, in group classes; I kept using the teacher's counting to see where I was supposed to be while listening to the beat to match it up with the count).

Of course, it took me a year and a half from the time I first started before I finally reached the point of hearing and following the beat with some confidence -- OK, so I'm a slow learner, but I also started at far below zero because of my 30 years of negative conditioning. The first six months were in intermediate salsa (long story) and the last six months of that period was in West Coast Swing, so to my mind it's WCS that did the trick for me.
 
I finally danced this night. I went in the rave I was talking about. I have mixed feelings. In some way, I am disapointed and found it boring. I mean, I am single and was thinking about using dancing to find a partner. But this doesn't seem to work, because I wasn't able to approach any girl.
 
Steve,

Good on you, for going :)

What prevented you from approaching anyone? And what kind of partner are you referring to - dance partner or life partner?
 
If you just want to meet people and learn how to move, take lessons. Even if it's not the exact type of dance you want to learn, it will help you get over inhibitions and improve your rhythm and musicality. I'm the in the same boat as you. I'm 29 and I just started dancing.

I recommend learning some salsa since it seems to attract a slightly younger crowd around these parts at least.
 
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