I owe my partner a big fat apology

[cornutt]

We danced a showcase routine last Saturday. She missed several bits. I thought about that afterwards, and I was puzzled -- we had done those bits pretty well in rehearsal, and in practice over the past week. Why did that happen?

The answer, I realize, is simple: She didn't do the because I didn't lead them. I was too wrapped up in thinking about my own points of technique. I wanted to get my arm styling right. I wanted my lock steps to be clean. I wanted to not lose my Cuban motion halfway through (the routine was cha-cha). I was concerned about the places with hand changes, which I have problems with.

I wasn't leading. My head was not in the partnership. Follows can't follow what isn't led. Who knew? I was depending on her to do her parts from memory. And as I think back on it, there were some parts that I never really learned to lead properly; one of those was a place where we screwed up. I'm sure she felt no indication at all, because playing it back in my mind, I don't see where I did anything to give her an indication. Yeah, I got my footwork right there, and my Cuban motion was probably OK. But I didn't lead.

So partner (she knows who she is), here is my apology. From now on, I will make my role in the partnership a top priority. That other stuff will come along once the partnership is solid.

 

[fascination]

give yourself a break for being human....next time the goal can be the partnership....there is much to juggle....you have made the best of it by reflecting and learning....she is a lucky partner

 

[Mr 4 styles]

I agree with all your points but showcases are the most choreographed of all partner dance forms each person should know their part cold so I agree it's our job to lead first but the follow should be on point. Lastly for me a showcase is about giving the audience a show. So don't fret the technique and arms as much. Just entertain

 

[Dancing Irishman]

For what it's worth, my training as a competitor has taught me to treat Choreography, Lead/Follow, and Technique as equally the responsibility of both parties. From a performance perspective, it's ludicrous to expect the leads to lead every single step and action that the follow takes in addition to dancing his/her own part well while expecting the follow only to dance his/her own part well and only if that part is fully led by the leader (my ballroom training is also strongly heteronormative, but I've left genders ambiguous because the roles don't change just because the genders do). Obviously a goal is to have energy flowing between partners through the connection at all times, but at the end of the day you've got a show to put on and if it can't be done with true lead/follow, doing the choreo consistently with minimal connection is far superior to doing it poorly / inconsistently with somewhat better connection produced through a massive concentration of effort.

 

[RiseNFall]

From a followers point of view....I have been in situations where the instructions are "do exactly what is lead...until the day of the performance", but that was in a situation where it was a multi-couple performance. If that's what is wanted, it actually needs to be spelled out because otherwise one never knows if the leader didn't lead it because he has unintentionally altered the routine on the fly and is going to do something different himself!! I agree most with what Fasc posted.

 

[fascination]

agree also on her need to know unless you had some sort of understanding that it was lead an follow or you've been some sort of " don't go until I lead you sort of fanatic"......I mean there is a point at which, if you have a routine, and something isn't led and it isn't a matter of musicality, the follower knows that the lead has flubbed if the follower knows the material ....but blame game isn't worth it....so, neither of you is perfect yet, no one died of it.....all good

 

[ajiboyet]

you have made the best of it by reflecting and learning....

This. Reflecting and learning is so much better than endless quibbling and blame trading. Perhaps I speak from experience...

no one died of it

LOL!!!

 

[Mr 4 styles]

I love show dancing for this reason. We are each so responsible for our parts that you can really go out and entertain. I'm pleased when peoples laugh or cry or cheer madly. Judges cry at my competitive dancing but I think it's for a different reason lol

 

[twnkltoz]

cornutt, I think I just fell in love with you a little bit.

I love, love, love when people look to their own foibles instead of putting the blame on their partner (wish I was better about this when I was younger and not so wise). Placing blame has limited constructive value. If everyone looks at what they need to do to improve, there is no need to point fingers or rip each other apart. Of course, if one half of the partnership refuses to ever examine their role in what went wrong, that is a whole problem in and of itself.

 

[cornutt]

agree also on her need to know unless you had some sort of understanding that it was lead an follow or you've been some sort of " don't go until I lead you sort of fanatic"......I mean there is a point at which, if you have a routine, and something isn't led and it isn't a matter of musicality, the follower knows that the lead has flubbed if the follower knows the material ....but blame game isn't worth it....so, neither of you is perfect yet, no one died of it.....all good

Certainly no blaming going on here, except for blaming myself. I will say that my partner does have a teensy weensy bit of a tendency to jump the gun sometimes when doing choreo (it would not come as news to her if you said it to her face), but I was certainly not depending on that. I just didn't lead very well.

 

[Mr 4 styles]

Lol I tell the mrs she is always four one hundredths of a second fast. Not three not five

 

[jeff@DFI]

Choreography is fundamentally different that lead/follow. However! It is incumbent on both partners to be present in the moment and ready to react and adapt all while maintaining the same standard of performance. I've been on both sides of the 'oh &*()& what is going on' moments in a routine, and been pulled and pulled partners through it. At the end of the day every dance, practice, routine, performance etc is an opportunity to get better, so take it. Sounds like cornutt is on the right path to me.

 

[FancyFeet]

@cornutt , I really like your approach. And I hope that your partner is asking the same questions of herself! That's how we all learn and grow.

I've had show routines where I knew the routine cold, but my partner forgot a piece and decided to lead something else. Because I know that our "rule" is follow during comps and shows, I go with it... two shows ago, we danced a whole wall that was made up on the spot because someone forgot the routine, and during my last show, we danced a delayed pose and shape thing because the other someone forgot what was next, made an error, and needed a bar of music to get it back together. It happens

(In practice, it depends on where we are in our prep. For newer routines, I correct (I usually have them momorized first); for more established, well-memorized ones, I follow.)

 

[cornutt]

@cornutt , I really like your approach. And I hope that your partner is asking the same questions of herself!

Oh, I know she is. That's one of the reasons I like dancing with her.

 

[singndance]

Cornutt, there are times when my pro messes up the lead when we are performing, things that he certainly knows cold. In the heat of the performance, stuff happens! And our rule is, I have to follow whatever he is leading, and never make a decision to do something on my own. The other thing the coaches stress over and over is not to think about the technique during the performance. OK, but that leads to some memory lapses, unfortunately, for both of us! I would bet your audience didn't see the mistakes like you felt them.