Is dancing a good model for relationships?

[sync]

In North America it's popular to think of relationships as a partnership where no one leads or follows. I think this came about for the same reason democracy became popular in government. Those who were supposed to be leading often were abusive controllers instead of good leaders.

In dance if someone is controlling or even just inept or inexperienced, then you end up with a terrible dance. But if someone is a bad lead you don't improve the situation by saying that no one should lead or follow. The person has to learn how to be a good lead. Of course, the other person also has to learn how to be a good follow.

I'm starting to wonder if the current trend relationships is a good idea. Perhaps dance is a better model for relationships. What do you think?

 

[dTas]

totally agree!

several of my students think i need to open a marriage counseling business as a suplement to my teaching. :lol:

 

[Sagitta]

I believe that another df member talked about using dance as a social work tool as well.

 

[jon]

sync, are you volunteering to be the follower?

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship that was structurally imbalanced, and I like negotiation, not dictation.

 

[sync]

sync, are you volunteering to be the follower?

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship that was structurally imbalanced, and I like negotiation, not dictation.

Are you saying you think dancing is 'structurally imbalanced'?

 

[DancePoet]

There seem to be some very strong similarities between a dance partnership, and a long term companionship.

I find that basic principles of interacting, communication, and actions that are conciously loving can work in either situation.

 

[tsb]

I believe that another df member talked about using dance as a social work tool as well.

that would be me.

i believe that dance can be used with benefit to illustrate & identify relational issues between two people - with the caveat that the people involved are committed towards being good partners for each other & willing to modify their actions & attitudes accordingly.

but even then there are no guarantees - nothing anyone does will guarantee that their relationship will work because they need the cooperation/goodwill of their partner; there are a lot of things people can do that can keep a relationship from working if the other person's past or choice makes that action a showstopper.

 

[gte692h]

In dance if someone is controlling or even just inept or inexperienced, then you end up with a terrible dance. But if someone is a bad lead you don't improve the situation by saying that no one should lead or follow. The person has to learn how to be a good lead. Of course, the other person also has to learn how to be a good follow.

I'm starting to wonder if the current trend relationships is a good idea. Perhaps dance is a better model for relationships. What do you think?

i think the 'partnership' model for relationships was flawed anyways, since a couple needs to have a leader and follower in any given situation, although the roles can switch between man and woman numerous times, depending on the situation. perhaps the partnership idea was more toward perceiving each other in a relationship. ie, we are equal partners, but one leads and the other follows with that idea in mind.

Both leading and following in a relationship require a certain level of responsibility.. having said that, from a guy's perspective, a woman's mind/behaviour is a complete mystery, so no model can really predict them !

 

[jon]

Are you saying you think dancing is 'structurally imbalanced'?

Answer my question first.

 

[squirrel]

Hmmm... I do both leading and following... I am female... where would I be in a "dance-like" love relationship? Leading or following? :lol:

 

[Chris Stratton]

If I had to guess, something akin to the ideas raised in the smooth thread might be a better match for real life: both partners talk about ideas and possibilities offline. But in the moment, whoever can see the situation responds to it, and trusting that the other will trust them and follow. That would probably be especially true when dealing with challenging situations, like, oh, maybe negotiating with the kids?

 

[blue]

sync, are you volunteering to be the follower?

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship that was structurally imbalanced, and I like negotiation, not dictation.

Are you saying you think dancing is 'structurally imbalanced'?

I don't know about jon, but as long as we say that one person should lead and the other one follow - of course it is. One person decides what will be done. The other one can affect how it is done, and give inspiration the the partner - but not take any major decisions. It doesn't have to be dictation - but if the leader wants it to be dictation, then it is. It is up to the leader.

I'll second jon's question - would you volunteer to be the "follower" in a relationship?

Similarly to what already has been mentioned, I think in a good relationship roles are not static. Somtimes one person is weak, and the other one strong - then things change, and the other person is needed to support the one who recently was the strength for her/his partner. So it is probably good if one does not need to decide all things together; sometimes it is good to let one person need. But, it should not be the same person leading all the time.

Do you disagree with me, sync?

Hmmm... I do both leading and following... I am female... where would I be in a "dance-like" love relationship? Leading or following? :lol:

Well both, at different timepoints. 8) The person who decided one should dance only one part was stupid, and the one who decided the dance roles should be decided by your sex was even more so...

 

[sync]

Are you saying you think dancing is 'structurally imbalanced'?

Answer my question first.

ok
I don't think it's a matter of volunteering. Based on what I've read I would say that about 80% of men have it in their nature to lead. About 10% would find it natural to follow and the other 10% would enjoy a combination of the two.

You equated leading with dictatorship. I hope I made it clear that a dictator is not a good leader.

 

[Sagitta]

I suggest...never lead. :wink:

 

[blue]

I hope I made it clear that a dictator is not a good leader.

Of course not. Not all men (or women, btw) are good leaders. Creating systems that assume all men are perfect leaders will not lead :lol: to the perfect world.

I realised I was editing my post while sync was posting more, so I delete the rest and wait for a while.