Is this normal?

billman

billman

Active Member
3 questions here... One of my amature partners has a different coach than I do. He has told her she should not dance with me in competition because she is so far behind my skill level. The comp is 6 months away. she would be a newcomer at smooth. Is this normal to discourage partnering like this?
He has stated that if she wants to dance smooth... that she should dance it with him. He is also telling her that she will have to buy his suit for smooth. It that normal?
Her instructor is suffering from a hernia right now (Unknow when he will get it repaired) and really can not spend much time on the floor. he is teaching from a chair for the most part. She feels like she is being "short changed" on her lessons. Is that normal when injured?

Thanks, Bill
 
Lordy, Lordy...my eyebrow went up on this one because it sounds like the "new" Pro wants to pick up a new suit and some extra income! I can see him offering to teach her the basic steps but, if she wants to compete with you then he should teach her patterns and then work with both of you on coaching after she knows the patterns.

I wouldn't want to say that something is normal or abnormal but, how about out of the ordinary?

There are many Pros who have students who buy part of their costume including a Latin shirt, smooth vest or a tie. Sometimes an entire team will go in on a tail suit etc. This would be the first time I have heard of a single student buying an entire smooth suit which can run upwards of $750 - $1,000 if custom. If she is Newcomer Smooth then he doesn't need a suit. He can compete with her (as can you) in a smooth shirt, tie, vest and pants.

I have seen Pros who are injured either "reassign" their student to another Pro while they recover or coach the dancer from the sideline.

But, I've seen this solution more often when there is an Amateur partnership or some way for the student (especially since she sounds too new to know her patterns to practice solo) to have a partner on the floor while the coach is on the sidelines.
 
Without knowing any more than what is presented, it sounds like he is discouraging her from dancing with you am/am since he would benefit more if she danced with him pro/am. I have never heard of a pro asking for the student to buy him any of the clothes he wears for competition, though some students may choose to buy a shirt or tie if they wish to match colors, but that is optional. Finally, IMO, teaching from the sidelines could not be of much benefit, except in certain circumstances as stated by dancerdol.
 
a)...it is one thing for a teacher to advocate to compete with a student...but to discourage her from pursuing an amatuer competitive partner and/or competing (regardless of where she is in her journey) is, in my view, likely to be nearly entirely self-serving, under the guise of concern...

b) any instructor who would ask me to pay to clothe him would never be my instructor

c) the term coach, is not usually interchageable with instructor...and a coach shouldn't be advocating to dance with a different instructor's student....not sure I exactly understand that part...couple's will often call their instructor their coach...but if he is a pro am teacher to her directly and not someone who reviews her dancing with her pro am teacher, then he is simply her teacher...in any case, I would be hard pressed to see how there would be many concerns that would rise to discouraging her to compete with an am partner....it is more likely that her resources are finite and he doesn't care to share them and once she realizes how much cheaper it is to dance with the am than the pro he might feel threatened...granted, there is some outside chance that he sees something none of us knows about....but, absent inquiring about that, I think it smells bad
 
fascination said:
a)...it is one thing for a teacher to advocate to compete with a student...but to discourage her from pursuing an amatuer competitive partner and/or competing (regardless of where she is in her journey) is, in my view, likely to be nearly entirely self-serving, under the guise of concern...

b) any instructor who would ask me to pay to clothe him would never be my instructor

c) the term coach, is not usually interchageable with instructor...and a coach shouldn't be advocating to dance with a different instructor's student....not sure I exactly understand that part...couple's will often call their instructor their coach...but if he is a pro am teacher to her directly and not someone who reviews her dancing with her pro am teacher, then he is simply her teacher...in any case, I would be hard pressed to see how there would be many concerns that would rise to discouraging her to compete with an am partner....it is more likely that her resources are finite and he doesn't care to share them and once she realizes how much cheaper it is to dance with the am than the pro he might feel threatened...granted, there is some outside chance that he sees something none of us knows about....but, absent inquiring about that, I think it smells bad
Click to expand...

Fascination, you just stated my opinions on this subject much better and more eloquently than I could have stated them.
 
I am new to dancing and that doesn't sound right to me. In the dating world, it's like a guy telling a girl that she shouldn't be dating her boyfriend and should date him instead while buying him dinner and clothes, lol. Can you find someone else to teach?
 
If it walks like a duck...

I think this "pro" is taking advantage of her naivete'. Dump him. No explanation needed aside from a polite "I've decided to go in a different direction."

Let us know how it turns out.
 
I agree with the other posters that there are numerous red flags in the situation as you have presented it.

billman said:
One of my amature partners has a different coach than I do.
Click to expand...

Are you happy with your current teacher(s)/instructor(s) (and/or coach if you use a coach as well)? Is your amateur partner willing to work with your teacher when taking lessons for your partnership?
 
fascination said:
a)...it is one thing for a teacher to advocate to compete with a student...but to discourage her from pursuing an amatuer competitive partner and/or competing (regardless of where she is in her journey) is, in my view, likely to be nearly entirely self-serving, under the guise of concern...

b) any instructor who would ask me to pay to clothe him would never be my instructor

c) the term coach, is not usually interchageable with instructor...and a coach shouldn't be advocating to dance with a different instructor's student....not sure I exactly understand that part...couple's will often call their instructor their coach...but if he is a pro am teacher to her directly and not someone who reviews her dancing with her pro am teacher, then he is simply her teacher...in any case, I would be hard pressed to see how there would be many concerns that would rise to discouraging her to compete with an am partner....it is more likely that her resources are finite and he doesn't care to share them and once she realizes how much cheaper it is to dance with the am than the pro he might feel threatened...granted, there is some outside chance that he sees something none of us knows about....but, absent inquiring about that, I think it smells bad
Click to expand...

I'm with fascination on all points. I especially don't like the idea of a pro am teacher discouraging a student to compete with an amateur partner if she want to. And the logic was a little odd. If I understand what the original poster said, the logic went something like the pro am teacher told the student she wasn't good enough to dance with the amateur partner; therefore, she should dance with him instead. Oh, and by the way, she needs to buy him a suit. Please. :confused:

Just run.
 
I'm still pretty new to dance and have not yet competed, but for what it's worth, I could never imagine my teacher saying this to me. My teacher wants me to be the best I can be - he has actively discouraged partnerships where he thinks the lead's skill level is BELOW mine, but really advocates social dancing with as many people as possible to improve my following.

My teacher dances with me for medal tests but he has arranged for another teacher to partner me for my first comp as he is younger and able to 'keep up' with me. I know my teacher would actually like to dance with me in the comp, but he's putting my interests first, which is why he's such a good teacher.

It doesn't sound to me like your friend's instructor has her best interests at heart and I would feel shocked and uncomfortable if my teacher asked me to fork out money for anything other than lessons. I would echo what the more experienced posters have said and tell her to steer well clear.

L x
 
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