I've heard this several times

D

DCR

Member
When taking out a lady who I never danced before, I hear....
1. I am just a beginner
2. Please take it easy with me
Does every lady warn a guy before the dance?
 
DCR said:
When taking out a lady who I never danced before, I hear....
1. I am just a beginner
2. Please take it easy with me
Does every lady warn a guy before the dance?
Click to expand...
That's funny because I hear the exact same thing....from LEADS. :raisebro:
 
i say that quite often, when appropriate & true. has a relaxing effect for both parties, i think.
 
I think people only would say that when they are true beginners and/or they are feeling very insecure about their skills relative to yours. I (follow) only made such comments to guys when I was a beginner. (I consider myself intermediate now.) But I recently took up Hustle dancing, and once again, and depending on the guy's level, I may make a disclaimer to him that I just started taking hustle classes. (Course, my salsa experience does help alot with hustle.)

And speaking of hustle, last night I went to my first Hustle social at Stepping Out. I had SO much fun as I love disco music (esp. the more funky disco songs). And after about an hour of disco, the DJ began to play a few salsa songs, which I guess is the norm for their Weds night socials. So then I got all excited as soon as I heard the salsa!! So the guy who was my main partner for the night, he also dances salsa, so as we got up to dance I said to him "what more can a girl ask for .... disco AND salsa all in one night!!!" It was so exciting.
 
I've heard this a million times . . .

I guess my feelings on this one is that people shouldn't be disparaging themselves right off the bat. It seems to me to start things of on a negative note. A good leader is going to figure out the followers level of dancing in about 3 notes of music. I have a standard pattern that I do with new dancers to "test" them out and then I adjust the rest of my dance accordingly.
 
samina said:
i say that quite often, when appropriate & true. has a relaxing effect for both parties, i think.
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Yeah, I did this last night when a lady asked me. I hadn't seen her before and I said it to just relax the mood. She had actually watched me and my friend dancing for one or two songs.
 
salsamarty said:
I guess my feelings on this one is that people shouldn't be disparaging themselves right off the bat. It seems to me to start things of on a negative note. A good leader is going to figure out the followers level of dancing in about 3 notes of music. I have a standard pattern that I do with new dancers to "test" them out and then I adjust the rest of my dance accordingly.
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That's how I feel about it. The leader is going to figure out where I am after a couple of bars anyway, so why should I kill the mood by talking? If he cared so much about my level he should have watched me on the floor before he asked.

Leaders who haven't been dancing very long do this a lot. It always makes me feel bad for them, as I suspect they've been emotionally battered by the hierarchical salsa insanity. When someone says "Do you mind dancing with a beginner?" a) it's funny because I'm still pretty much a beginner, and b) it's sad that they have this expectation that I might actually mind and say no. Jeez.
 
noobster said:
Leaders who haven't been dancing very long do this a lot. It always makes me feel bad for them, as I suspect they've been emotionally battered by the hierarchical salsa insanity. When someone says "Do you mind dancing with a beginner?" a) it's funny because I'm still pretty much a beginner, and b) it's sad that they have this expectation that I might actually mind and say no. Jeez.
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Funny how 'beginner' is such a relative word. I think of myself as a beginner all the time, and yet I know that only applies by my own weird standards - because I'm the only person who knows that relative to my desired skill level, I'm nothing (and by implication, my skills are nascent in comparision to the many folks who are really advanced). OTOH, I'm certainly not the bottom of the ladder and sometimes even talk and act like I know a thing or two :)

And because of my self imposed beginner status, I feel exactly the same way many beginners do, but I know better than to ask "do you mind dancing with a beginner", although my questions would be more like "do you mind dancing with somebody who will only hit about 50% of the breaks", or "do you mind dancing with a beginner who isn't quite all that good with latin motion", or "do you mind dancing with a beginner who can free shine much". And therefore, I'm very tentative about asking women to dance who are skilled waay above me... I still muster up my courage and dance with some of them, because that's the only way to grow - but the inner fear never goes away.

My only take on it is that these attitudes are not rational all the time - so the only way to play this is by being generous to those who are less skilled than we are, and hoping that such generosity will find its way to you.
 
And I just a plain human being who enjoys the music to listen as well as dance it the way I or the lady pleases.

As the old songs says....Who wrote the book of LOVE
 
I get that alot too, and sometimes I have ladies who will actually turn me down because they feel that they are too inexperienced. One lady even turned me down because she didn't wan't to make me look bad. This is one of the rare times when I will not take no for an answer on the first no. (Maybe on the 2nd or 3rd). When I say this, I try not to come across pushy as if I'm desparate for a dance, I just try to empathise w/ the lady and figure that they are probably just shy/insecure about dancing and looking bad themselves, as I once was. I usually say something like, "well, If nobody dances w/ you, you won't get any better, now will you?" or "on the job training is the best way to learn!" (I realize that "on the job" learning will only get you so far w/ out any actual lessons, but who wants to hear that during an invitation to dance?") If they still say no, I move on, jokingly saying something like "aiight....I'll leave you alone....FOR NOW....;-)

I also agree w/ what someone said earlier about the disclaimers. I make it a point to dance w/ at least a few beginners every time I dance, so if I'm purposely asking beginners, obviously I've scoped out the scene and know who relatively is and isn't a fresh beginner. I have had women tell me "you sure? I'm a beginner!" I tell them w/ a smile, "It's ok, I don't mind!" In my mind, I'm like "If it really mattered to me how good or bad you were, I wouldn't have asked you." But I guess when you're a beginner, you don't expect everyone to be kind and considerate to you and ask you to dance anyway in spite of your lack of dancing ability :-)
 
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