Well, all the instructors in my area are male, so being male myself, I've never run into this situation. However, I have been through a crush rather recently (it's been a couple months now from the onset) with a dance partner who I was leading a practice with. She picked up on it before I made any sort of move and started acting weird / not showing up - pretty painful. Eventually, I confronted her and she made it clear she wasn't interested. I'm feeling mostly better about it now, though I've been rather disappointed because she hasn't been coming to the dances. I don't know if it has to do with me or what, but I do want to keep dancing with her. She's one of the best. She'd commented on how she didn't want to ruin a friendship - you know the old line - yet even though I'm pretty much over it and no longer in the grips of a crush and resigned to friendship, she's the one acting weird. I just don't get women.
male
- Thread starter hepcat
- Start date
Pacion
New Member
Hepcat, I understand. I understand so much, check out this thread :wink:
http://www.dance-forums.com/viewtopic.php?t=10175&highlight=platonic aka "Platonic relationships - I have to vent!"
http://www.dance-forums.com/viewtopic.php?t=10175&highlight=platonic aka "Platonic relationships - I have to vent!"
fascination
Site Moderator
yeah but don't say it unless you mean it rather than just b/c you wish she'd come back...denial is a dangerous thing....
dTas
New Member
what's the timeframe? how long ago did you have this conversation with her and she told you that she wasn't interested?
days? weeks? months?
you said that she hasn't been showing up to the practice parties, is she still around? does she still come to your studio? she may have switched studios.
if it has been a while, months... then perhaps reconnecting and just dancing with her would work. don't try and talk with her and be friendly. just ask her to dance and say thank you... build a friendship slowly.
that is... if you can find her to dance with her.
days? weeks? months?
you said that she hasn't been showing up to the practice parties, is she still around? does she still come to your studio? she may have switched studios.
if it has been a while, months... then perhaps reconnecting and just dancing with her would work. don't try and talk with her and be friendly. just ask her to dance and say thank you... build a friendship slowly.
that is... if you can find her to dance with her.
Swingolder
New Member
kdogg said:
Once you figure out women, that will take most of the fun out of life! So give up trying.
I hadn't read these replies until now. dance-forums never sends me an email to notify me of replies even though I have it configured to do so. I've discussed this with the administrators numerous times and it's never been fixed. Maybe the recent upgrade fixed it though. We'll see.
So here's an update. She's coming to the dances. We also started teaching at a monthly dance up in Los Alamos that a mutual friend organized (and asked us to teach). We get along great and I've long since moved on. It's all water under the bridge. She still doesn't come to my practices though. I don't know why. I haven't been able to find a partner to teach with at the practices. It doesn't seem to work nearly as well with anyone else (understandably because they're all beginners).
So here's an update. She's coming to the dances. We also started teaching at a monthly dance up in Los Alamos that a mutual friend organized (and asked us to teach). We get along great and I've long since moved on. It's all water under the bridge. She still doesn't come to my practices though. I don't know why. I haven't been able to find a partner to teach with at the practices. It doesn't seem to work nearly as well with anyone else (understandably because they're all beginners).
BugBear
New Member
I had a similiar problem. I asked a girl out and she said that she already has a boyfriend. She stills comes to the parties though. I hadn't danced with her for a few weeks, but that was because I accidently hit her while we were dancing - I felt really bad about that - not because she turned me down.
When I asked her to dance after she had turned me down, she looked kind of surprised but agreed. And we've been dancing at every party. I still enjoy dancing with her and I think she does too.
I guess the results from a situation like this would vary considerably from subject to subject
Female subject that is 
When I asked her to dance after she had turned me down, she looked kind of surprised but agreed. And we've been dancing at every party. I still enjoy dancing with her and I think she does too.
I guess the results from a situation like this would vary considerably from subject to subject
Female subject that is piece of advise.. if u agree:
always separate dancing from any other emotion regarding the other.. its all dance in a dance environment, anything else is a plus or a minus as the case maybe..
and..
in the case u can't do that.. or difficult for u to percieve it that way never show it unless she gives continuous clear signs of approval to carry forward..
most women like to chase rather than be chased .. within reason ofcourse.
always separate dancing from any other emotion regarding the other.. its all dance in a dance environment, anything else is a plus or a minus as the case maybe..
and..
in the case u can't do that.. or difficult for u to percieve it that way never show it unless she gives continuous clear signs of approval to carry forward..
most women like to chase rather than be chased .. within reason ofcourse.
Sabor said:
I agree. I do separate the two. This one was a rare exception and perhaps has to do with the fact that we'd dated some and were leading that practice together. I fell for her pretty hard. I wasn't trying to - it just happened. I wasn't expecting it either. It sort of took me by surprise. Now that that's in the past though, dancing and emotion is once again separate (like church and state).