New to Dance (trying again)

C

chocolate-eyes

New Member
I tried posting this earlier, but for some reason it didn't show up.

Hello everyone,

I am brand new to dancing and I almost two weeks ago I joined my local AMI studio. Not last week but the week before last I had a free complimentary lesson and then I signed up for a discovery program which is four lessons and one party, and one group lesson. I started to take my first lesson on Monday of last week and everyone started asking me if I came to a party yet, over and over, including my instructor. I just walked in to the studio my very first time four days before on a Thursday and signed up. Parties are Wednesdays and Fridays (which is also inconvenient for me because I do have family and friends to socialize with). So I said no not yet, this is my very first lesson. Duh to the instructor. Then my second lesson was on a wednesday and that was a party day, and everyone was asking if I was coming tonight. I said no because the next day I had to pick up family at the airport, returning from India. I said I will come next week.

Long story short, I decided to discontinue my lessons because I was annoyed. Why am I constantly having a party shoved down my throat? They said I can come naytime I felt like, my choice, so why even before I start am I getting grown men acting like puppy dogs constantly asking me if I have been or are coming to a party? I only had one and a half lesson, let me take this in and learn what i came to learn for crying out loud. I just want to learn how to dance and I feel like I am getting something other than what I am bargaining for. This is very annoying. Then my instructor called me back and Are parties really that good for our abilities? I just want to take lessons, not live in the studio. I say live because it seems they want me to take so many lessons, I would practically HAVE to live in the darn studio and say no to other things. There's more to it then that why I decided to discontinue, but it would take too long to type. Keep in mind I am a 29 year-old woman, not at all looking for a "social" atmosphere club (I have my own friends), and am young, single, and attractive enough to get my own dates. I'm sorry but it seemed like everyone was trying to freakin fix me up. On top of that, I don't know ANYTHING about dance, and I came here to learn. No one is upfront or clear with me about exactly WHAT ballroom dance is.
 
Hi chocolate-eyes, welcome to DF!

Sorry to hear you had such an annoying experience right out of the gate with your dance lessons and the environment. But if you think you are really interested in learning one of the styles of dance included within "ballroom", I encourage you to stick with it and find a studio that you can be comfortable in.

I study in an "independent" studio, not one of the chains. For me, I find it to be a good place to learn to dance. Studio packages are not emphasized because most of the higher level teachers there are independent and pay a floor fee to the studio per lesson they teach. Weekend dance parties exist, but are not "pushed".

Good luck to you and I hope we see you around the boards here at DF!
 
Was it the male students pushing the parties? They might be looking for new girls that haven't figured out yet that they're crappy dancers!hehe!
Sorry that it was such a bad experience. But try another place, not all studios are pushy and annoying like that. And parties are good, they're a fun way to get practice in and gain confidence in your dancing. But I didn't go to my first party until I'd been dancing for about 3 months. Some people go right away, it's all what you're comfortable with.
But do try again with another studio, it's too much fun to give up over an initial crappy studio experience!
 
Independent studio's are way better then the lot of chain studio's,

what i did was train with a bunch of professionals, that either rented space or came down to my studio.

but if you love it stick with it, and find a studio that your comfortable in

Cheers mate!
 
I've only been dancing for a year but I found that the group lessons and dance parties are a cheap way to practice. You're already paying for the them as part of your package... why not take advantage of it? The alternative to going to the group lesson and practice party would be to do more private lessons. Unless you have people who you can practice your dancing with outside the studio, the group lesson and party is the only time you're going to be able to practice with another person. It's expensive to use your private lessons as your sole practice time.

You didn't get into the details but it sounds to me like it's not the group lesson or practice party that's bothering you. Maybe I'm reading too much into what you're writing but it seems as if you feel that your studio is a big singles dating scene. I could see how you might find that uncomfortable if your primary goal is just to learn to dance and not socialize. You shouldn't have to socialize in the studio if you don't want to.

I do feel (in my humble newbie opinion) that there is value to the group lesson and dance party in the beginning when you're just starting to learn the basics. If your studio tends to attract mainly social dancers as opposed to those who want to compete, as you dancing becomes more advanced than those around you, the value of the groups and parties is less and then you need to focus more on private lessons.
 
I hate that. Socials are actually a great way to practice your dancing. You can learn from watching others dance, your lead/follow improves as you dance with other people... and you make friends! Some of those friends are like, not creepy! (It happens!)

I could write a very long post... you mentioned so many interesting things. Pick out something that you really want to know about and I can try to answer it for you. I do think it could help everybody here help you if you could describe what it is you want from dance - fun, or competition? Or, maybe you don't know! Just talk it out and many here will help you. I just know we are all hopelessly addicted to dance and hate to see somebody have a bad experience right off the bat.

My overall answer to you is this - Don't give up! Try another studio. OR, look up USA dance. Regardless, just be sure to not burn bridges with the students in the studio you left, as it is typical of dancers from different studios and clubs to mingle.
 
SmoothGuy said:
I do feel (in my humble newbie opinion) that there is value to the group lesson and dance party in the beginning when you're just starting to learn the basics.
Click to expand...

I agree with SmoothGuy, groups & practice parties are a great way to dive in and start dancing. I'm with a chain and was talking to another student the other day, and she said she now has to give up her lessons (for a private reason) but she said she wished she would have done more groups/practice parties.
 
There are several things to consider here..

Ballroom dancing (and generally, all partner dancing) is not just an activity - it's certainly a subculture of it's own, but different social mores than the rest of the world. Learning to dance is just one component, being able to feel comfortable at a dance party is another important thing here.

Many students need to see what a dance party is, and observe the culture to even realize whether they want to pursue it further or not. It's a good thing that you are constantly encouraged to go to a party. For some, it's the fear that they will be left out becuase they are 'beginners' and don't know how to dance. So more experienced dancers will constantly try to draw out beginners for an occasional dance - it's their way of saying that you are welcome and they are happy to have you around. Since this is partner dancing wherein it is somewhat uncommon for same sexes to dance with one another (although that's widely considered legit and does happen oftentimes - many DF'ers here can dance the lead and follow), it's inevitable that most of your interactions will be with men.

Being an activity with oodles of male-female interaction, the barriers to male-female interaction is siginificantly lowered in ballrooms. Many of us have trouble distinguishing normal interaction with romantic come-ons and we whine and rant about it on DF all the time - because the normal interactions that hold no romantic connotations would be considered 'intimate' by non-ballroom social standards. Which makes it a subculture of its own - and going to a party (or few) is a way to peek into this world and get a feel for it.

So to summarize...

i. People take classes to dance. Being encouraged to dance is not surprising given that premise. It's common/normal - no surprises there.
ii. men dance with women. Therefore it's logical that you'll find men encouraging you and drawing you out into the dance.
iii. Partner dancing is a subculture of its own - and you are the newbie. So the onus is upon you to learn the nuances of this new culture and adapt - or choose to not do so. The folks around you will try to invite you to join the party - because how else will you decide if it's worthwhile for you?
iv. Like in any social situation, you'll find that some men like you romantically. There is no fundamental rule that says that such behavior is banned in ballroom dancing environments. So that's a non-issue, AFAIK.


But all that said, it's still possible that your experience is genuinely a bad one in spite of my ability to spin it to look like 'normal' :) So why not try another studio? You might find it very pleasant decide to embrace it for life!!
 
There is more to it then that but I don't have time right now to explain. I never said there was not any value to groups lessons and parties and I never even said that I was not going to go. I had just started the lessons and that week I had personal commitments. I was all for going to their parties, I jsut could not right then and there when I did not even begin. I said I will be there, I just started the lessons, but constantly pushing it was really creeping me out. For example, I told them on Monday the day of my first lesson I was not going to make a party this week but next, when I would have my third and fourth lessons. I went back on Wednesday for my next lesson then it's again, "are you coming to the party tonight?" I repeated no but I will maybe friday or next week. I go home one hour later my instructor CALLS me on my home phone and asks me am I coming to the party tonight. COME ON. There are other things, I'll post about it as soon as I can.
 
let me say that part of that is just business...and not exclusive to franchises...I was called to attend every single party at the last independent studio where I attended...yeah some of it is over the top...ya just learn to push back
 
They are probably just trying to make you feel welcome and comfortable. You are a "newbie" to the studio and to dance it seems. When I first started, I felt out of place at the studio parties because I felt like everyone else knew each other and I was a bit of an outcast not knowing a soul in that place. But being invited by my teachers made me more inclined to attend. If they hadn't, it would have taken a lot longer to get me to the parties and I probably would not have improved my dancing as much as I have.

Also, your teacher may have many students, so he might not remember which ones say they can go to a party or not. Could be another reason why you are getting asked so frequently.
 
I remember when I first started at my studio I was extremely shy. My teacher had to nag me quite a bit before I started showing up to the dance parties and group lessons. I never got offended by the nagging and I'm pretty sure I was progressing much faster once I started showing up to them. If she wasn't on my case I would probably have waited longer before starting the groups and parties. I can see how getting asked repeated on the same day could get annoying though.
 
I am trying to post this again as it's my four hundreth time because it keeps logging me out and not posting.

Okay, let me address that no my teacher does not have ltos of students by his own admission because he is brand new. No I was not trying to be taken out of my shell so to speak because I was being pressured even before my first lesson even began by being asked if I had been to a party. How is that possible when I did not even start my lesson? No it was not students who were approaching me and asking me it was the employees of the studio, some teachers, some I don't know what else, the higher uppers. No I am no misunderstanding the whole male female thing, I am very right in my discomfort the way many of the male teachers were with me. Not my teacher, but the others. And there is a difference between nagging someone to come out of their shell and really pressuring people needlessly, and the way they were with me made me feel uncomfortable and I felt pressured. I had no qualms about going to the parties, I just was not able to the first week, but I was going to go this week, and next, the week after next and the week after that. I actually was looking forward to them but they kept at it and killed it.

I do now know why I was getting the pressure to go to the party. My instructor told me that unless I had not gone to a party, his superior could not do her demo to sell me her lesson package. He advised that if I wanted to get good really fast then I should be taking one lesson a day and perhaps buy like a 100 lessons. He said it was quite a bit of money (about 13,500 dollars) and that's why the girl needed for me to go to a party so she could use that as a case to how all kinds of benefits I was getting for that kind of money. He then told me I really should not be worried about the money at all because they have payment plans.
 
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