New to the Forum ... Need some wisdom please.

E

emeralddancer

Active Member
Hello ... I am new here. Actually a pretty brand new ballroom dancer as well. (1 yr. in)

I have a wee issue and I am not sure how to approach the matter and wanted a bit of wisdom.

I take lessons at a well known studio and much of it is geared towards those that are ams and pros or those of us that want to compete with our instructors. I love the studio!

I have been taking lessons once a week for a year and decided to go to twice a week. I am really serious about competing in the next year or so. My problem is this .... my instructor has got to be going thru something. (I know vague, I am sorry, but I don't even know and feel it is not my place to ask) I pay for my classes in advance ... however in March he called and cancelled not once but 5 weeks in a row. I asked point black ... do you want to continue teaching me. He stated yes. Things were fine until recently again. I have now paid for classes twice a week in advanced (at least a couple of months) and I am getting the cancellations again. I am very confused as he has stated he wants to teach me ... he was very sure on that point, like very adamant. I just can not for the life of me think that this is ok or really helping me to learn. I do not want to change instructors as he also has made it clear that other students in the past after years (like more than 5) have dropped him for other instructors in the studio. He is very good. In fact really great with his instruction. But I am feeling very lost ... Help?!

Thank you.
~C~
 
well...um...here's the thing...you know what you are getting into...and it isn't going to change...you can make a decision that it is or isn't worth it...but you can't expect him to change...you can only set your minimum acceptable standard, let him know what that is and that you will be gone if it doesn't happen...if that is disregarded then you will know the degree to which he is committed to getting you where you want to go...talent isn't everything...work ethic is also neccessary...as is stability...if you have a fondness for him and want to give him a chance that may well be fine, but you cannot blame him for being who he is...he has already warned you that he has lost students over it and it isn't likely that any one student is going to be a source of epiphany for him on this...just my two cents...probably worth less
 
Fascination ... good point. I just spoke to my husband. He explained what you just stated as well. Now I seemingly need to put this in a tactful manner. =)

I just dislike confrontation ... but more importantly, being honest and up front and setting clear, concise expectations is really what needs to be done.

I think I hesitate (and really after reading other threads) realize that even though they are pros and have been doing this for years, one still must treat one with respect and not be afraid to be assertive and strong.

Thank you very much. I appreciate you responding to me. =)
 
I agree with fasc and you hubby. Perhaps if you think less of it as "being assertive & strong" and just as a polite respectful way of telling him your needs as a consumer, it will be easier for you.

"I have goals to progress rapidly and compete, and I'm only going to be able to do that with an instructor who can acommodate me in his schedule every week". If he keeps cancelling, don't make a big deal out of it...just schedule with someone else. You are not his keeper and if he is not investing in you, you owe him nothing. There need be no angst or drama around it.
 
you are very welcome...the definition of professional has alot to do with actually having a work ethic...so you needn't be confrontational...ie "john I hope you won't take this personally but my expectations for getting better include two lessons a week and I would like the fixed time and days of --- I hope you can appreciate that if that isn't able to happen, because I have serious goals, I am going to have to go elsewhere for lessons, but I would prefer not to".....or whatever...b/c here is the thing; if you are having organizational issues with him regarding lessons you can expect a similar dynamic around comps and given the degree of money and stress involved there you need to make very certain that that is not the kind of dynamic you are going to have to deal with...or you need to realize that you have let yourself in for it... and while you may not deserve problems, you have no real leg to stand on to be upset when they occur if you ignore them now...best to see, far in advance of competing, whether on not this is going to be a pattern...and best not to start doing the usual thing that women do which is to not want to hurt feelings and think that there is some sort of personal dynamic that you need to maintain...regardless of how nice the man is, there are some things you have a right to explain that you expect as the consumer...and if he finds those things unreasonable he is free to send you on your way as well...anyhow...very best of luck in furthering your dancing skills in a minimally stressful way...and it sounds like you have a sensible husband as a good sounding board
 
Let's not forget that you have paid for the classes in advance. If you want to get technical, the instructor is in breach of contract. If the instructor is not going to give you the classes as agreed, you're entitled to at least a refund.
 
*looks at your avatar* I think you need to quit ballroom completely and come dance Argentine Tango. :) We have special Kool-aid and cookies (yes, cookies!) for all beginning tango dancers.
angel-smiley-003.gif


But in all seriousness, it sounds from your story that your instructor has plenty of time to take your money but not enough time to teach you. I am sorry this is your experience, especially since you are so new to dancing. Try not to be too upset about it, though I understand it is always the most difficult to leave 'your first' instructor (I am assuming he is your first because you say you are new).

Oh and btw, welcome to the DF!
 
Oh thank you everyone for such wonderful advice.

I will try at the moment a wait and see approach. =) If nothing happens in the next two weeks, I will have a chat with him. I will give the benefit to him at the moment, because I understand life can throw you some nasty curves, you know? And since I have not pressed the issue and asked "why" he has cancelled, I think I should appraoch it in a nice manner and not fly off the handle and assume anything.

It is just confusing to me.

Oh by the way, there are no contracts here. (good thing) However, I did pay in advance ... I just feel like either I should have my classes or a refund. However ... I prefer the classes. Plus my lessons for the past year have always been on Wed at 6pm. So the standing commitment has been there. LOL I do not really want to get use to another instructor as of yet. I do get the feeling in my gut that this is where it may lead.

Um....no my instructor is retired from dancing pro. This I know and only does a few pro/am comps a year if they are in the area. (like this weekend in VA) however ... I know he cancelled on that as well. So I am thinking it is something serious ... I just do not want to go another 5, 6 weeks or longer.

ME - thank you about my avatar. =) Wish I could say that was me. But until I actually get some dance pics ... I "borrowed" that one. LOL I do LOVE LOVE LOVE tango and want to learn Argentine. However at the moment I am "begging" to learn International verses American. (I have been told it is better to start American and transition into International?! ... I am not completely convinced, since when I do go to socials almost ALL dancers here are intrested and dancing international ...)

So yes Argentine is on my list of "must learns". I have fallen in love with such intricasies and passion.

Oh and Thank you for welcoming me. I hope that I can contribute! Everyone has been kind thus far!

~C~
 
emeralddancer said:
I have been told it is better to start American and transition into International?!
Click to expand...
Not necessarily. In my opinion, it is better to start with what you are most interested in and pursue it. Why does your teacher think you need to learn American first? Is it because he does not like to teach International? Something to think about....
 
Me said:
We have special Kool-aid and cookies (yes, cookies!) for all beginning tango dancers.
Click to expand...

So I should fly into Biloxi? ;) (My avatar is from a milonga, BTW.)

<BOT> The bottom line here is that you are the client and deserve good service. I can understand empathy for your teacher, but (s)he is there to provide you with a service. If (s)he cannot provide that service to your satisfaction, you need to confront / correct the situation.
 
Laura - I have asked why I am learning that first. Both my instructor and the owners of the studio (very well respected in the ballroom community, the owners that is...) agreed it was best for me to start out that way. I am trusting them. Trying to as I am very new at this. I mean the owners, are judges and train pros, and I am deferring to their wisdom and advice. I have a great deal of respect for them. I just know that at some point I want to learn international. I like the closed position. I am not the open, fancy, schmancy type to show the world what I can do. I like the more formal, ridgid control of international. There is an elegance there that I want to learn. In time. I will learn it, I WILL! =D
 
I started taking lessons ages ago, it was at a Fred Astaire. They started me in American style, I had no idea about differences in style and barely understood the differences in dances, so I was fine with it. I think FA starts everyone in American style since, after all, it's FA! After a few weeks my teacher disappeared and I was given a new one who came from an International background. The new one said to me that if I was interested in competing and really wanted to work on my dancing, then I should just focus on International. Of course, I have a feeling that my new teacher didn't really like teaching American anyway, and probably didn't know much about that style at the time either even though he was (and still is) quite an accomplished International style dancer :) :) . Fortunately for me, when we started International something really clicked for me, and it was years before I was willing to even try American style again. And I still don't like it as much as International.
 
Laura - It is funny ... I knew before I started taking lessons what I wanted. I am just at the moment deferring to those much more wiser at the moment. To me I want to learn it all. And like anything it will take time. Thus why more classes. Shoot I would give up pretty much anything to dance full time all day long. I hunger for it. (hubby thinks I am nuts, but thankfully he is uber supportive ...20 yrs does that to ya I guess, or maybe it just leaves him more time for golf and such...LOL) I just want to compete before I am 40 and dance til the day I die. I want to learn and grow. I just love it. I love the control, the grace, etc ... it is not like when I was a teenager hitting the clubs. Make sense or have I just dove off the deep end with out a life jacket?! Ah ........... ok so have got to go tomorrow now to see the dancers for my fix. VA here I come!
 
Your experience sounds somewhat like Cashmere's:
what to do when your pro cancels you
has anyone ever hired a pro just for comp

Some good posts on this page, as well as elsewhere in the thread:
Learning International Style -- The Big Plunge

If you really want to learn International Standard first (which I think is a great idea), perhaps you could request that your American Smooth lessons are restricted to closed hold figures. My first year of lessons were officially Smooth, but because my teacher stuck to closed hold and the basic technique common to Smooth and Standard, I was effectively studying Standard.

emeralddancer said:
since when I do go to socials almost ALL dancers here are intrested and dancing international
Click to expand...
:envy:
 
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