Nod as an invitation to dance!?

[vey]

In the "Sex at the Milongas" topic Pygmalion cited an article (http://www.susanamiller.com.ar/editorialing.htm ) a part of which I found particularly facinating (being rather ignorant about tango as I am) and quote it below.

The Double Face of the Nod
By Susana Miller
Nodding is not a matter of discussion for milonga veterans. Its advantages cover both sides of the coin: the man does not have to run the risk of being rejected when he approaches a woman's table to dance; and the woman will not have to feel compelled to dance if she doesn't want to, or if she is interested in someone else's invitation. This is a democratic mechanism. If he doesn't look at her, she won't dance. If she doesn't return his look, he won't dance either. The nod, like the dance, requires two people.
The nod appears spontaneously at the milonga. It is a code that makes communication easier, given that the milongas are very crowded and there is not enough room for people to be walking constantly across the floor in every direction extending invitations to dance.
Besides, nodding is customary. Customs impart color to a community, and man finds his place in the world through such customs.
A milonguero nods calmly, trying his luck with his gaze at the other tables. But for newcomers to the milonga or foreigners, the nodding code doesn't mean much. One cannot expect visitors to practice local customs as if they had been dancing in the milonga for years! Instead, newcomers often start dancing by making friends and acquaintances at the milonga, which in no way affects those who traditionally practice the nodding code. As soon as newcomers feel more self-confident, they will start using it. Those who nod to dance are aware that it only means the desire to dance. The nod only applies to a 10-minute dancing period (a set of dances). Emotionally, it is very difficult to spot someone looking at you and then hold their gaze; people learn to dance much faster than they learn to connect with a look.
There is no social, cultural or economic discrimination at the milonga, but the privileged do exist: those who really dance. They reign on the dance floor. They can easily fish for a partner at any table, and there's no doubt they will succeed.
The rest of the people may ask their partners the way they wish or the way they can. But if the milongueros don't find the right partner nearby, they can always walk around the floor almost distractedly and nod at a distance. They know that nodding is their tool. Nothing impedes a milonguero from breaking his anonymity with a look.
With the charm of an old sepia photograph of a Porteño, that look conveys his respect for the woman, his sauciness and his typical approach to a partner.

I was wondering what do you guys think about this form of dance invitation.
Does anybody have experience with it?

Do you think it would work in salsa?:?: :?: :?:

 

[pygmalion]

All the time. At ballroom dances, at practice parties, even at salsa clubs. I've had guys ask me to dance (via nod) in the middle of a dance with a previous partner. The nod works pretty well. I think that rejection still looks and feels like rejection, though. Hmm.

 

[Sagitta]

Not sure about this idea of communicating by nodding while dancing with someone else. Every time I dance with a person I give them, the dance, the music...my full attention!!

I don't really do it the way described, but I will catch a person's eye and point to the dance floor with my head and a questioning look, at times.

 

[vey]

Not sure about this idea of communicating by nodding while dancing with someone else.

It wouldn't work for me either: I'm usually oblivious to what's going on around when I'm dancing....

I don't really do it the way described, but I will catch a person's eye and point to the dance floor with my head and a questioning look, at times.

I think it qualifies as a nod (well, may be a side-way nod :lol: :lol: )

A note to self: make more eye contact even when not dancing!

 

[danceguy]

Hmm, interesting. I thought I remember reading an article once where it implied that nodding as an invitation was considered rude by some (at least here in the states).

I think it all depends on the approach. When I'm looking for a dance partner, I make eye contact with the lady if I can, and if I see her smile at me then I usually know she'll accept. Regardless if she sees me or not, I approach the table she's at and very poliety ask her to dance. My tone is such that she is perfectly willing to say no, so its a not "hey baby come and dance with me!" type of thing, usually "would you like to dance?" said with a charming smile.

Although my experience with all this is pretty limited, I yet to be declined for a dance...though *knock on wood* as I ask more ladies I know I'll be getting experience at rejection as well... :?

I've seen some guys do the nod...and a lot of times they aren't very polite about it and I've seen more turned down more when they do this! But I've found that most ladies who are near the dance floor will accept a dance from just about anyone if the guys are polite and respectful when asking.

I also actively seek women I've never danced with or even seen before. Sagitta has really inspired me get over my shyness, so I say get out there and ask em' all!

 

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

Hi Vey

I very rarely use the nod technique to ask for a dance. I don’t really consider it polite (at least if done in certain ways).

I would never do this with a lady whom I’ve never danced with. The few times I’ve done it was with girls I know quite well and consider my friends.

I agree with Pygmalion, rejection still feels like rejection especially if you’re certain she saw you doing it. Nevertheless there is an advantage; a rejection from a nod is very discrete. Most people around you don’t see you getting rejected which is better for your ego. Let’s face it; no-one likes being “publicly” rejected (guy or girl).

I’ve noticed that girls use this technique more frequently than men. There are certain girls I know that give me this nod as soon as I’m coming off the dance floor. I then approach her and lead her to the dance floor. Hmmm…This way it looks like it was me that requested the dance.

Regards,

 

[MacMoto]

Not sure about this idea of communicating by nodding while dancing with someone else.

I don't think I would be happy if someone I was dancing with was busy trying to catch someone else's eye rather than mine! I focus on my leader when I dance and expect the same in return.

I don't really do it the way described, but I will catch a person's eye and point to the dance floor with my head and a questioning look, at times.

This "sideway nod" invitation is used regularly where I go, and by both sexes. I do it/get it myself, but only when I have danced with the person at least a couple of times before and we are comfortable with each other. I don't think I would be able or inclined to respond if a stranger (or someone I have seen but not danced with before) did this with me. I agree with MapleLeaf Salsero; without a degree of familiarity, it would feel odd or even rude. With someone new, I think you've got to ask properly.

I aim to dance with as many leaders as I can, so I have been doing quite a lot of this (asking strangers to dance -- properly, i.e., "would you like to dance?" with a smile) lately. I used to think that, as a woman, I should just stand by the dancefloor and patiently wait for a man to ask me, but not anymore! I can handle rejection :wink: (though thankfully it's been rare).

 

[salsachinita]

Like a lot of other olde worlde code of conducts, I like the subtlties in nod/eye contact. It happens a lot more in the past & amongst Latinos. These days with the studio-trained, non-latino crowd you are more likely to get a polite "would you like to dance?"

This nod system works well, because eventhough a rejection still feels like a rejection (to the person who asked), no one else needs to know. I find it easier for me, both as the asker & askee (is there such word :shock: ?). If you felt someone approaching, and for one reason or another, you don't want to accept that dance, it's easy enough to avioid eye contact; the person usually gets the hint & asks someone else (no time waisted here). IF I wanted to ask someone for a dance, and they look awy, that would be all the clues I need so I can move on as well. Very cool 8) .

One of my favourite dance partners (THAT cool 'gangsta' one with huge ego) and I do it to each other all the time. Sometimes we add threatrical elements to the whole ritual too . You'd have to be there.

 

[vey]

Good point, guys, it has to be a very particular kind of nod in order not to look rude. But I think I'd definitely accept a discreet nod from a complete stranger. I guess, as Salsachinita, "I like the subtlties in nod/eye contact" , there is something special in establishing a connection before even starting to dance...

On the other hand, lacking experience, I'm not sure whether I'd be able to initiate a nod invitation with a stranger myself - verbal invitation puts the "askee" (Salsachinita, thanks for the word ) "on the spot" and I havn't yet been refused (though it could be that I'm asking nice guys). With nodding I can imagine myself wondering silly "did he nod or just glanced at his shoes?" :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

One of my favourite dance partners (THAT cool 'gangsta' one with huge ego) and I do it to each other all the time. Sometimes we add threatrical elements to the whole ritual too . You'd have to be there.

Now, I would love to see THAT :!: :lol: :lol:

 

[Vin]

I use the nod sparingly, only when the following conditions are all met.
1) I have had previous experience dancing with that person.
2) She is not currently dancing
3) It is impractical to go to where she is sitting to ask her to dance.
It can be empowering though, you look at a girl and give her a little cocky smile and a nod and then she smiles back, gets up and you go get your groove on.

 

[Sarah]

One of my favourite dance partners (THAT cool 'gangsta' one with huge ego) and I do it to each other all the time. Sometimes we add threatrical elements to the whole ritual too . You'd have to be there.

I think I know what you mean - sort of starting the flirtyness of the dance before you even get to the floor. Fun with someone you know well.

Cheers
Sarah

 

[passion]

I've responded to nods. More often than not, a "nod-invitation" has come mostly from friends. I've never had a one come from a stranger.

After I resonded to nod once, a couple friends who just started with "studio-trained" salsa, were very upset with me. Saying, you should never go to a nod, they must come to you. I basically thought, what's the big deal, it's all a form of asking. And, if I look at it as "I must be asked" then I feel that I would be placing myself up on some kind of pedastal where I should not and do not like to be.

 

[Sagitta]

And sometimes, as has been said, the nod can be the start of the invitation. It's part of the catch the other person's attention to see if they want to dance routine. I seem to do the nod invitation more to people whom I've danced with at least once then complete strangers.

 

[Miguel]

Depends on how many beers I've had. 2 beers and I nod, 4 beers and I ask, 6 beers and I try, 6 beers and 1 shot and I do whatever it takes to dance but I be damned if I won't dance :lol: !

Seriously though I just go with the flow I don't make many plans because things never workout the way you plan them when you dwell so much on them. The answer is simply: JUST DO WHAT YOU FEEL AT THE MOMENT... :wink:

 

[Pacion]

So guys, ladies, how do you ask someone to dance? :roll: (other than throwing the object of your attention over your shoulder :lol: ) :lol: