Non-verbal connecting

[AndaBien]

I just want to share this article about connecting with people non-verbally. I think it reflects much about tango.

"'It's the connection, stupid!' exclaims Love, quickly adding that it's not me personally she's calling stupid. "Everyone—men, women, myself included—needs to learn that before we can communicate with words, we need to connect nonverbally. We can do that in simple ways, through touch, sex, doing things together. The deepest moments of intimacy occur when you're not talking."

http://www.oprah.com/relationships/How-to-Improve-Your-Marriage-Without-Talking-About-It

 

[bordertangoman]

I just want to share this article about connecting with people non-verbally. I think it reflects much about tango.

"'It's the connection, stupid!' exclaims Love, quickly adding that it's not me personally she's calling stupid. "Everyone—men, women, myself included—needs to learn that before we can communicate with words, we need to connect nonverbally. We can do that in simple ways, through touch, sex, doing things together. The deepest moments of intimacy occur when you're not talking."

http://www.oprah.com/relationships/How-to-Improve-Your-Marriage-Without-Talking-About-It

i know only of two women who have experienced this; Ms A says she knows a couple of "Connection" leaders, but she got fed up with one because he's didnt improve technically...
and Ms B has experienced it in BsAs and once with me...but I didnt notice anything;

so Ms A says I am a technical dancer; aiming for "Minimal Cognitive Interference" ie just getting everything as good as possible- with whatever partner I happen to be with.

So to paraphrase Wittgenstein " Whereof one cannot speak..Shut the F*** up."

 

[dchester]

I just want to share this article about connecting with people non-verbally. I think it reflects much about tango.

"'It's the connection, stupid!' exclaims Love, quickly adding that it's not me personally she's calling stupid. "Everyone—men, women, myself included—needs to learn that before we can communicate with words, we need to connect nonverbally. We can do that in simple ways, through touch, sex, doing things together. The deepest moments of intimacy occur when you're not talking."

http://www.oprah.com/relationships/How-to-Improve-Your-Marriage-Without-Talking-About-It

At the risk of looking like an idiot, how would you apply this article to tango?

 

[AndaBien]

At the risk of looking like an idiot, how would you apply this article to tango?

A valid question. Perhaps it's more useful for people learning tango, as in, whether the dancers discuss it more or just keep trying it in different ways. There was a discussion earlier about whether to look into your partners eyes. According to this article, men and women have a different reaction that way.

It also rang a bell for me regarding guys on the dance floor who want to talk about the dance, or anything else, rather than shut up and dance.

 

[Madahlia]

A valid question. Perhaps it's more useful for people learning tango, as in, whether the dancers discuss it more or just keep trying it in different ways. There was a discussion earlier about whether to look into your partners eyes. According to this article, men and women have a different reaction that way.

It also rang a bell for me regarding guys on the dance floor who want to talk about the dance, or anything else, rather than shut up and dance.

I think it said something to me about taking a less cerebral approach to tango, and that it's important to connect on an unconscious level before even entering the tango embrace. There are some people I dance with where the embrace has a quality of warmth, acceptance, gentleness and communication. Maybe they've just got excellent technique but it's hard not to feel that there's something unconscious and non-verbal going on in addition to good technique. I know I bring my attitude into the dance and it can be very hard to escape from that.

That's a bit vague, but then so was the relevance of the original article to tango.

A complete aside - "Love tells the story of an afternoon when she and her husband were lying in bed naked after showering."
I just don't get this at all. Surely you would shower after lying in bed naked, not before? Would anyone shower, lie ceremonially on the bed (naked), and then act all innocent about the likely turn of events? Would anyone look at the clock, post-lunch, and say "Get thee hither and purify thyself, my handmaiden, for the hour of consummation is nigh?" I don't really want any answers. I'm obviously a just grimy little slut.