Not touchy feely

[Tango Distance]

I - as a layman - am not entirely convinced.
Could you distinguish behaviors and emotions that are more innate (and may well have benefits) from behaviors and emotions that are more based on personal trauma in the past (and are more of a former survival strategy)?

I'm not claiming to have that expertise. My thread doesn't talk much about possible reasons for my hug aversion. I think I know a main reason, but I realize it could be something else, or a mix of things. Similarly, with Madame Richecelebre, I don't know for sure the cause, but something was afoot, and "loud" enough I could easily tell.

The survival thing is interesting. Sometimes the shy and reticent carry the day (they are better at hiding, and the bold ones are getting killed off in fights), sometimes the brash and bold save the day (they'll fight for food, and fight off invaders).

I don't think introversion and comfort with physical closeness are related.
Introversion is just about whether you find contact with groups of other people draining or energizing.

I still have some introvert behaviors. For example, I typically do only one dance with a given lady at a Milonga.

I think there might have been a little confusion with my last comment. Introverts' batteries run down with interaction, extroverts get charged up. Don't get us wrong, we introverts like you, like Tango, and even like parties -- it just lights up a bunch of our brains, so it tires us more quickly. For instance, introverts like corners, because it lessens the number of interactions. For me, one tanda with a given lady is great, I generally don't do a 2nd tanda. For me it's an issue of the amount of interaction that relates to the introversion thing; closeness is a different issue.

Something I did learn in my thread is some introverts like Tango, because they can interact without talking, or looking into people's eyes. I also learned there are many introverts in Tango, and indeed some called it a dance of introverts.

 

[Brummbaer]

There is another possibility - you learn to play a role. And then, maybe, you gain experience and your 'fears' become unfounded. I'm not thinking of the inwardly sad, depressed, clown playing the extroverted 'fun' role, which is an extreme. Just learning.

 

[TTanguero]

Tango strikes me as a realm with lots of shy, reserved extroverts

Interesting – my perception is that it mostly comprises people like me: sociable introverts. People who like people, but like to have meaningful interactions rather than social niceties. Love deep conversation, hate small-talk.

Tango seems the perfect dance for that. We have what I would say are meaningful and joyful connections with people, and the only small-talk we might have to do is for the few seconds between songs!

(Agree with everything else you wrote!)

 

[itwillhappen]

The survival thing is interesting. Sometimes the shy and reticent carry the day (they are better at hiding, and the bold ones are getting killed off in fights), sometimes the brash and bold save the day (they'll fight for food, and fight off invaders).

What I actually meant by that was that one can build up lasting unfavorable relationship patterns in early childhood if there were difficulties with ones caregivers, in order to ensure your own so perceived survival in such situations.

 

[ProgressNotPerfection]

What I actually meant by that was that one can build up lasting unfavorable relationship patterns in early childhood if there were difficulties with ones caregivers, in order to ensure your own so perceived survival in such situations.

Yup.

 

[noobster]

What I actually meant by that was that one can build up lasting unfavorable relationship patterns in early childhood if there were difficulties with ones caregivers, in order to ensure your own so perceived survival in such situations.

Definitely true but I don't think there's a very powerful relationship between attachment insecurity and introversion/extroversion. There are tons of perfectly securely attached introverts out there. Of the Big Five personality traits, I think neuroticism has stronger associations with exposure to early life adversity and insecure attachment.

 

[Tango Distance]

Tango Distance the Tango Phoenix

My dance life suddenly stopped, but will have a rebirth. The story starts a little sad, but becomes more happy. It will be mostly dance related.

My vehicle was struck hard by another car. I got a long ambulance ride, passing closer hospitals to get to a farther hospital that could treat my level of injury. The next morning I left surgery with metal holding bones together. The good news was even the 1st day I could slowly and painfully walk with a walker; the better news is I was and am expected to fully recover in a few months. The bad news: No Tango, no biking, and no paddle boarding for a few months.

• I pretty quickly figured out that I could use the bad leg as a pivot, and do things with my good leg. It was an interesting exercise for dance -- try turning something off, and see what you can do. This was my "walker" level of dance.
• A few weeks into recovery, I did go to an event and "danced" a small number of songs. I kept both feet planted, no walking, but was surprised how much could still be done and how fun even that was. This was my "can stand but not walk unassisted" level of dance.
• I danced with crutches at a wedding. Someone was afraid to tell me I looked like a robot dancing. Far from being offended, I felt truly complimented! This was my crutches level of dance.
• I did both an easy bike ride (so fun!) and a beginner's Tango class, in the same week. The doctor said Tango was OK after I described it, but said to do no twisting. I had to do turns as a series of smaller steps. It was fun to finally do some Tango again! The beginner followers in the class seemed to really enjoy, too. This was my just starting to walk unassisted level of dance.
• I am still not quite recovered enough to provide a "real" dance for a better follower.
• My dear wife (DW) and I have been missed by our little community. DW went to a Milonga with only 4 people in attendance. After that another Milonga was cancelled because attendance has been so poor -- that's the first time in quite a few years we didn't have a weekly Milonga.
• Another Phoenix aspect to things: I am moving to another area, so I'll rebirth my dance in a new scene. It'll be a reset. I'll certainly miss my Tango and other friends, but it'll be good to have a more vibrant Tango scene. Sadly my local scene has been steadily shrinking and is falling below critical mass.
• I have had a couple of good dance adventures I am behind on writing up, I'll have to take advantage of this less active time to do that.

 

[fiesta0618]

@Tango Distance, you continue to inspire. "I can still dance, just not with legs" is the true definition of strength.

Serious injuries, dying communities, and highly disruptive life changes are certainly nothing to cheer about, but after your post I find myself completely confident that you will be able to pursue your Tango passion no matter what happens. The only question is where, and in exactly what form.

Here's wishing you a complete recovery and an exciting adventure with the move!

 

[Reuven Thetanguero]

Tango Distance the Tango Phoenix

My dance life suddenly stopped, but will have a rebirth. The story starts a little sad, but becomes more happy. It will be mostly dance related.

My vehicle was struck hard by another car. I got a long ambulance ride, passing closer hospitals to get to a farther hospital that could treat my level of injury. The next morning I left surgery with metal holding bones together. The good news was even the 1st day I could slowly and painfully walk with a walker; the better news is I was and am expected to fully recover in a few months. The bad news: No Tango, no biking, and no paddle boarding for a few months.

May you recover quickly and completely!! Don't worry at this time about anything else. Tango will be there when you are ready...

 

[Tango Distance]

May you recover quickly and completely!! Don't worry at this time about anything else. Tango will be there when you are ready...

Thanks Fiesta0618. In the scheme of things it is a speed bump, not a concrete wall. I was working remote a week later, insurance replaced my vehicle, and my dear wife took good care of me. There will be easily 10x the people to dance with in my new locale.

Thanks Reuven: Interestingly, the doctor told me the more I walked the better, and told me to walk hourly. I have a new joy of discovery, and better appreciate babies joy "Look mom, I'm standing!" We take little things for granted, like doing side steps or getting into bed unassisted (first 2 weeks). I'm still a ways off from a full bore milonga. After my move I'm thinking I'll start doing Tango regularly with a beginner's class, or maybe privates.

An interesting Tango Distance-ism: I have done a little open embrace dance with my dear wife with no pain. I tried doing close embrace -- it hurt! It figures it would literally be painful to do close embrace for the Tango Distance! Hmmm, this could be a good learning opportunity. Maybe I'm not doing it optimally and should examine my posture -- or maybe I just need to wait.

 

[pianistamediano]

Welcome back! I look forward to reading more of your brave exploits fighting against the tyranny of the tango embrace and unlicensed, unexpected, unasked-for hugs.

 

[Tango Newbie]

I have a "touchy-feely" story that happened earlier this year at a NYE milonga at one of our local studios that was attended by a few out-of-town visitors.

I was there with my SO and another partnerless lady in our community we know also came and sat near us. She's been dancing for many years, and despite being older (late 70's but looks mid-60's), she's slender enough with a dancer's build to wear midriff-baring low-cut tops, and miniskirts.

At one point I danced a tanda with her. While dancing she mentioned about a couple visiting from Palm Springs who were standing against the wall not too far from where we were seated. Just prior she was standing against the wall next to them and said the leader slipped his hand behind her back and briefly snuck it under her skirt to check things out. She was shocked, and quickly moved away, but not before hearing him whisper that they'd be interested in meeting-up after the milonga at their hotel room.

Obviously this was egregious enough to get tossed-out immediately, but confided to me that she didn't want to make a scene, so decided to just avoid them.

Another situation that wasn't necessarily "touchy-feely" came up this past weekend that we thought was somewhat funny. My SO and I went to a late-afternoon milonga at a studio about 60 miles north of us that was coincidentally attended by another married couple from our local community. We've been there one time before, so the 'regulars' really didn't know us.

We were seated at a table with our married friends, and there was a solo leader about our age sitting behind us at another table. At one point I was out dancing with the wife of the couple we know, and noticed my SO came out on the dance floor with that solo leader from the table behind us.

Afterwards, she told me he seemed a little "odd" since he tried to have the traditional 'close-embrace' despite having an extended belly, and he asked if she was married, to which she replied 'yes'. We both wear wedding rings since we consider ourselves "married" without the official paper. Plus it's supposed to help keep 'inquiring minds' at-bay.

It seems a little bold to 'ask' a dance partner, especially a visitor, if they're married, considering they're seen sitting with someone, dancing with them (mostly), and both wearing wedding bands. When she told me this, I laughed and told her next time ask the guy; "Why are you asking...?" to get their response.

So it appears Tango still has their "touch-feely" folks out there who are on-the-prowl for 'extracurricular activities' (outside of dance).

 

[Tango Newbie]

My dance life suddenly stopped, but will have a rebirth. The story starts a little sad, but becomes more happy. It will be mostly dance related.

My vehicle was struck hard by another car. I got a long ambulance ride, passing closer hospitals to get to a farther hospital that could treat my level of injury. The next morning I left surgery with metal holding bones together. The good news was even the 1st day I could slowly and painfully walk with a walker; the better news is I was and am expected to fully recover in a few months. The bad news: No Tango, no biking, and no paddle boarding for a few months.

Wow brother, hope you are on-the-mend and things get better soon so you can get back into the swing of things.
Cheers!

 

[TTanguero]

My dance life suddenly stopped, but will have a rebirth.

Yikes! That doesn't sound fun at all, but love your spirited determination to find ways to dance.

I'm in a somewhat similar position, having suffered an injury back in June and currently waiting for a surgery date (in the UK, healthcare is free at the point of use, but waiting lists can be lengthy), so depending when that happens I'll have been off the dance floor for 5-8 months, allowing for recovery time.

 

[ArbeeNYC]

My dance life suddenly stopped, but will have a rebirth. The story starts a little sad, but becomes more happy. It will be mostly dance related.

Oh my, that's one hell of an adventure. Glad to hear you are on the mend and keeping your spirits up. Your determination is inspiring. I wish you a speedy and complete recovery. Tango will be waiting for you when you're ready.