Not touchy feely

[Tango Distance]

he asked if she was married, to which she replied 'yes'. We both wear wedding rings since we consider ourselves "married" without the official paper. Plus it's supposed to help keep 'inquiring minds' at-bay.

It seems a little bold to 'ask' a dance partner, especially a visitor, if they're married, considering they're seen sitting with someone, dancing with them (mostly), and both wearing wedding bands.

FWIW, I have been asked 10s of times if I was married, despite always wearing a ring, and being the most straight arrow guy you'll find. For people close to my age it happened more in Swing. In Tango it is more often elderly ladies. Most often I think it is just one of their conversation questions, like "What's your job?" or "Where do you live?" or similar. I suppose it is possible they ask because they see the ring. In a small number of cases it was someone looking for a date, but even then I think it was likely just a way to practice their flirting and not being serious. Maybe I'm such a straight arrow ladies feel safe asking me, knowing I won't read more into it. Obviously they know they have no hope of competing with my dear wife (DW) the Tango Closeness if they see her and connect her to me. One lady would ask me weekly, I would tell her each week I was married. When my dear wife came to class after recovering from an injury, I introduced her, and this lady went on about how she didn't know I was married to my DW (maybe it was memory issues?).

When asked if I'm married, the ladies will often ask me to point my dear wife out, and will often go talk to her. One smart tanguera asked if I was married, asked where my wife was, and promptly walked up to her and invited her to an upcoming event she was hosting.

A handful of times I've had ladies ask if I was married, and then they point out a young, very beautiful, and good dancer lady and ask "Is that her?" (Obviously they had not connected me with the Tango Closeness yet.) Maybe its a flattery game on their part, like the question "Is this your daughter?" to say a guy's lady looks young, even when she is obviously the elderly wife of an elderly guy.

This might be a repeat story. I had a lady ask me to point out my dear wife. I kept pointing to her, describing her outfit, and somehow the lady couldn't seem to perceive her. Then the line of dance brought my dw right in front of us. I kept saying "That's her! She's right here!" and pointing. Finally the lady got it, it just took about a dozen tries. I said "I know it is hard to imagine a guy like me with a lady who is that beautiful!"

 

[opendoor]

..have been asked 10s of times if I was married, despite always wearing a ring.. In a small number of cases it was someone looking for a date..

It was one of my craziest experiences when I started dancing. And it took me some time to understand that wearing a ring is like being invited on a date. An affair with a married person remains non-binding. No one has to worry that the person will stick with you for a long time.

(This sign system is most noticeable among ballroom dancers, it is not so common in the tango scene, and is rarely seen among lindy hoppers)

Even as a teenager, I always wondered why monks and churchmen flirt so much. Until someone said to me: it's clear, the habit (frock) is the advocate of eroticism. It's the same principle as the thing with the ring.

 

[Brummbaer]

I'll rebirth my dance in a new scene. It'll be a reset.

Wishing you a great recovery. My wife's had several accidents over the years. The last bolting her upper femur together. It was a reset. It got us to ballroom and finally to AT. And walking on it, or load bearing, was apparently helpful to recovery.

Hoping to hear of your 'reset' soon and that you find an AT scene (or set one up).

 

[opendoor]

...painfully walk with a walker..
All the best to you, get back on your feet soon.

 

[Tango Newbie]

In a small number of cases it was someone looking for a date, but even then I think it was likely just a way to practice their flirting and not being serious.

I suspect that (solo) leader may have been putting his 'feelers' out and 'test-the-waters' to see if my SO was 'available' for dating or even being someone he'd expect to see at this particular milonga going forward. Who knows. But it didn't surprise me he inquired as to her marital status, since he was sitting alone and noticed he was watching us. Plus he saw her dancing with a few other leaders that day.

It's actually quite flattering that leaders have an 'interest' in my SO. Unlike your situation, most people in our community definitely see us as a ("married") couple.

I pride myself on being a gentlemen who treats all the followers respectfully, and had one lady who knows both of us ask me while dancing with her one night; "where can I find a nice guy like you?"

 

[Bailango]

Tango Distance the Tango Phoenix

My dance life suddenly stopped, but will have a rebirth. The story starts a little sad, but becomes more happy. It will be mostly dance related.

My vehicle was struck hard by another car. I got a long ambulance ride, passing closer hospitals to get to a farther hospital that could treat my level of injury. The next morning I left surgery with metal holding bones together. The good news was even the 1st day I could slowly and painfully walk with a walker; the better news is I was and am expected to fully recover in a few months. The bad news: No Tango, no biking, and no paddle boarding for a few months.

• I pretty quickly figured out that I could use the bad leg as a pivot, and do things with my good leg. It was an interesting exercise for dance -- try turning something off, and see what you can do. This was my "walker" level of dance.
• A few weeks into recovery, I did go to an event and "danced" a small number of songs. I kept both feet planted, no walking, but was surprised how much could still be done and how fun even that was. This was my "can stand but not walk unassisted" level of dance.
• I danced with crutches at a wedding. Someone was afraid to tell me I looked like a robot dancing. Far from being offended, I felt truly complimented! This was my crutches level of dance.
• I did both an easy bike ride (so fun!) and a beginner's Tango class, in the same week. The doctor said Tango was OK after I described it, but said to do no twisting. I had to do turns as a series of smaller steps. It was fun to finally do some Tango again! The beginner followers in the class seemed to really enjoy, too. This was my just starting to walk unassisted level of dance.
• I am still not quite recovered enough to provide a "real" dance for a better follower.
• My dear wife (DW) and I have been missed by our little community. DW went to a Milonga with only 4 people in attendance. After that another Milonga was cancelled because attendance has been so poor -- that's the first time in quite a few years we didn't have a weekly Milonga.
• Another Phoenix aspect to things: I am moving to another area, so I'll rebirth my dance in a new scene. It'll be a reset. I'll certainly miss my Tango and other friends, but it'll be good to have a more vibrant Tango scene. Sadly my local scene has been steadily shrinking and is falling below critical mass.
• I have had a couple of good dance adventures I am behind on writing up, I'll have to take advantage of this less active time to do that.

Really glad that you survived and living to dance other day. In the past few years when I go out dancing, I have become more conscious that I can’t take it for granted. Who knows what happens with the health tomorrow and the pleasure of dancing gets snatched away. If that happens I don’t want to have regrets of not dancing enough when I could.

Wishing you a quicker recovery. May be you will discover aspects in your dancing which you hadn’t paid attention to before. Don’t push yourself too much when it hurts. It is okay to dance within limitations of where your body permits at the moment. Once you give yourself that permission, you can try to be creative. Creativity flows best when there are limitations around. As your health improves may be you will find the you have become a better dancer than before.

Eager to hear how your new bigger scene turns out.

 

[Reuven Thetanguero]

Thanks Reuven: Interestingly, the doctor told me the more I walked the better, and told me to walk hourly. I have a new joy of discovery, and better appreciate babies joy "Look mom, I'm standing!" We take little things for granted, like doing side steps or getting into bed unassisted (first 2 weeks). I'm still a ways off from a full bore milonga. After my move I'm thinking I'll start doing Tango regularly with a beginner's class, or maybe privates.

Follow your doctor's recommendations and keep walking! I was referring to worries, that perhaps you may have but shouldn't

 

[Cal]

Having been in a comparable post-car- crash situation about 10 years ago, I whole-heartedly endorse the walk, walk, and more walk advice. And yes, do EVERYTHING your PT person tells you to do. There are not any “do overs” in six months if you don’t keep up with it now.

Good luck with your recovery. I’m rooting for you!

 

[Tango Distance]

Titanium Tango Distance Does Milonga Numero Uno
The therapist asked what I liked to do. I said biking, he said don't go offroad and don't fall off. I then said paddle boarding. He tested my balance and said I was good to paddle.. I then said I do Tango. Whoa, he said, don't do that! He was worried about twisting the joint, and unexpected things a follower might do. I explained the beginner's class I hoped to attend, and he OK'd doing that.

I have done a handful of beginner's classes. They have been super fun -- I'm glad to be that far along, and glad to be doing Tango again

I decided to go to a Milonga in my new area. While I have done beginner's classes, I felt a bit rusty. Early on, I had some trouble locking onto faster beats (well could be I'm not fast enough yet, the physical therapist noted I start to drag my injured leg before a standard walking speed on a treadmill). I slow things down, give up on going fast, and warn the ladies I had broken my leg and wasn't 100% yet. One tanda was a minor disaster -- the lady was fast and quick like a race horse, I was trying to dance fast, and stepped on her foot more than once! Ouch! She was very gracious about it, to the point of asking for another Tanda later that night. Thankfully, the 2nd tanda went very well.

Multiple ladies complimented my dance, both those who knew about the broken bone and those who didn't. Some also said they couldn't tell anything was amiss (this was later in the night).

A fun thing was I definitely improved over the course of the night. I was able to start sneaking in some speed, by doing the fast steps small. There were more ladies than men, I never sat out.

My leg started hurting just a bit towards the end of the night (therapist said up to 3 of 10 pain is OK, keep going, it was well below 3). I tease my dear wife that Tango is not really exercise. Generally I'm not tired afterwards. After this Milonga Uno, I was beat but already looking forward to the next one!

 

[Tango Distance]

Tangover
Milonga Numero Uno was a great time. Hmmm, the stairs are kind of hard to do... for both legs... everything waist down is kind of sore... I do the weaving walk I post-break do when I'm tired (The therapists have long words to describe it, this side-to-side motion is somehow a function of impaired hip vertical motion. It's getting better.) and fall into bed.

I awaken in the middle of the night. Somehow, some way, I have fallen asleep on the hard concrete floor of my garage. Naturally, every part of my body in contact with concrete hurts. As my consciousness reaches periscope depth, I realize I'm actually in my king sized bed, with a mattress topper to make it softer for the Tango Closeness. As consciousness surfaces, I realize the bed is not at all hard, it's that the Tango Distance is sore. I roll over to put sore spots up and less sore spots down, and flood the tanks and sink back into unconsciousness.

The next morning I'm sore. This is a new experience for me for Tango. I guess I over estimated my degree of recovery and over-Tango'd! On my right shoulder, a tiny therapist says "You should have taken it easy! Get over here and walk slowly on this treadmill!" On my left shoulder, a tiny Eleanora Kalganova says "There's a milonga on Wednesday, just two days away..."

 

[opendoor]

..I'm sore. This is a new experience for me for Tango...

Welcome to the club.
And all the best on the way back to normality. And thanks for the reports.

 

[newbie]

I'm surprised he did not provide us yet with a graphics showing the two curves - bone leg compared to metal leg - showing the warm-up tangos, the full-capacity tangos and the soreness-is-lurking tangos, all with detailed compare-and-contrast explanations.

 

[Tango Distance]

The Distance Drags​

9 word catchup: The Tango Distance is recovering from a broken femur.

Don't worry, this post eventually gets around to dance! I have changed a small number of unimportant details to anonymize the story a bit.

If I would be happy ambling about at a leisurely shopping pace, I would be done. The doctor even asked "Do you really need to run?" Maybe it's not a need, but I want to be able to run across the street (In the big city, there are two kinds of pedestrians crossing the street: The quick, and the dead.); to do paddle boarding, skiing, and biking sports; and finally, dance a fast Milonga dance to a Milonga song at a Milonga.

Something I find very interesting is something hurts enough it limits an activity the first time I try, but I'm OK the next time and after. Example: Walking on sand, I needed help to walk. Literally the next 4 days, I walked on sand by myself, the pain was much less. My first try at close embrace with my dear wife (DW) was too painful to do, but OK after that. My first real milonga that I posted about was super painful 4 hours later, like I had been dropped on concrete. The subsequent ones are tiring and have a touch of muscular soreness. I read a theory about it, it's like the brain says "Don't do that, you might hurt yourself!" and then says "Hey, that wasn't so bad, and I admit I kind of liked those endorphins!"

I have two impediments: Weakness (if I do a 1 legged shallow squat, it's obvious the good leg is much stronger than the bad leg.), and I start dragging my leg below a walking pace. I must do it alot, because I often don't even notice it. The Physical Therapist watches my walk on a treadmill, and critiques and gives tips. I also ask my dw to call it out. We even noticed it dancing, for faster things that foot would still be a foot away from feet together moments. With concentration and exaggerated knee lifting for a bit when it happens, it has been getting better.

I just did the first Milonga that I felt I really "did." I did every tanda, and didn't hold back on the speed (and that was without my DW the Tango Closeness, she wasn't able to go). I was able to do almost everything but one of my big fast fancy moves (could do it but it hurt). Here are some noteworthy moments:

* It just happened... it went perfectly right away... a good dancer and I were doing a straight line molinette, 180 degrees out of phase (her back step was with my forward step). We omitted the side steps, and did a hop with both feet off the ground, to bring our feet back together in place of the side steps. It just spontaneously and real-time popped into my brain to try it, and that amazing follower followed it like we had been doing it for years!

* A dramatic finish got about 6 people's worth of applause (that lady's friends). (Many followers were sitting.)

* I was able to do a song with many quadruple times.

* A little sequence I have been struggling with flowed well with several followers.

* I have been to this venue maybe 20 times through the years because of my frequent trips. I had a good tanda with a lady. She said she would see me and recognized me, but that we had never danced before (There might have been a "Why didn't you ask me sooner?" subtext.). It was a good tanda and I told her I plan to ask again. I later that night realized why I had never asked: She was sitting close to her husband. I don't recall her dancing with anyone but him, so I had assumed she was off limits. This night, she happened to be sitting removed from him (empty seat between her and him).

* Another lady said I had never asked her. I don't think she was complaining, but at this point I'm feeling just a touch defensive. I didn't recall her. I asked how long she had been doing Tango. She had recently started and had seen me once previously months in the past. OK, I won't beat myself up on this one!

* I might have had another belly incident... I inclined to give the benefit of the doubt... as it relates to technique I'll talk about that in another post.

* At the end of the milonga, I'm limping. I was walking out, and as soon as I crossed the threshold, I hear a dragging sound. It sounds like a zombie dragging a limb, one at the end of the walker phase and ready to enter the rotter phase. Kzzzzzzz ... kzzzzzzz ... kzzzzzz ... It figures the zombie apocalypse would start near a Milonga I was exiting and I would be a victim. Using my years of dance training, I realize I'm matching the rhythm. Hmmm, matching it so well it's like I'm doing it. Rats! It is me, and I'm dragging my leg again! I concentrate on walking like a marching band trombonist and that defeats the zombie.

* Next day I'm tired, the leg hurts, and I have to concentrate to not limp.

There is another milonga the next night. I hurt. A miniature Eleonora Kalganova on one shoulder says I should go. I look (via a mirror) at the miniature physical therapist, expecting the opposite advice. He is in a close embrace with Eleonora and he is speechless. Eleonora says "He gets Tango now and I'm sure wants you to go." I go, but decide to take it easier and not go fast and big like I did the day before. I explain to my partners I'm still recovering and will be taking smaller steps and dancing more slowly than I usually do, and that I'll be better again in time. A lady who I had not met before, and was very good, told me at the end "Don't change a thing, that was perfect just how it was." That made my night! Other ladies said similar things.

Social difference: In the little city, you pretty much see the same people at every event. You don't really ask "Are you going to event X" because everyone pretty much goes to every event. That's not hard to do when there is only 1 Milonga a week. Roll into the big city: You could drive 80 miles on a major freeway and aways be within 10 miles of a weekly milonga. Indeed, there is one stretch where you can drive about < 10 miles, and pass locations with cumulatively 14 milongas every 4 weeks! Several ladies have asked "to get my phone number later." I could see this as a smart follower move, encourage people who dance with you to attend events you attend. I haven't answered any, but decided I'll start giving them the Tango Closeness' contact info.