Other interests - Why don't people get it?

[hepcat]

Ugh. I'm annoyed. It's really nothing, but... So OK. Swing dancing is my life. I love it more than anything else, however I DO have other interests. Case in point, I play french horn. I belong to a wind ensemble which has a practice each Tuesday evening. Unfortunately, that conflicts with two dances, but there are other dances to go to and besides, the one swing dance is two hours away if I go straight from work (which is a commute in the opposite direction). The other is a milonga and I'm not as into that as swing.

However, my dance friends are always encouraging me to skip rehearsal to go to the swing dance. I've politely said no a dozen times. I'm the only horn player my ensemble has most of the time and I'm fighting off a typical horn player injury called TMJ, which means I need to keep playing consistently to keep my embrasure in shape. Regardless, I have a commitment to the ensemble and I don't like to renig (sp?) on commitments I've made. I'd rather the rehearsal was on a different day and I've looked into other groups, but they all seem to conflict with something, so there's nothing I can do.

Every once in awhile, rehearsal is cancelled, usually after a concert and I do take advantage of that to go dancing. But how do I get it through to my friends that yes I want to dance, but no I can't when it conflicts with my rehearsal? They only see it as an annoyance. They don't get that it's important to me. They just harumph, roll their eyes, and mock proclaim "rehearsal" with exasperation.

-Hepcat

 

[HF]

Don't let it bother you too much. Making music actively is wonderful and enriching. I would definetely keep both!!!

 

[Tasek]

So you go to plenty of dances, classes, probably the odd workshop thrown in, you already see these people at least once a week if not more, and yet, because they have such a sad life with just one thing in it, they don't realise that you can actually do multiple things, maybe even think it's good for a person to have more then one interest?? They're going to burn out!

Alright, enough said, time to get my violin and do a little practicing

 

[Joe]

Hound them to go dancing on a different night than ensemble night. Preferably pick a night on which THEY have selected to do something else. Ask them how it feels for the shoe to be on the other foot.

 

[MacMoto]

Every once in awhile, rehearsal is cancelled, usually after a concert and I do take advantage of that to go dancing. But how do I get it through to my friends that yes I want to dance, but no I can't when it conflicts with my rehearsal? They only see it as an annoyance. They don't get that it's important to me. They just harumph, roll their eyes, and mock proclaim "rehearsal" with exasperation.

Perhaps they simply don't realise you are annoyed at the way they react when you mention the rehearsal? Perhaps they are only trying to let you know, in a jokey way, that they *really* appreciate your presence at the dance (which probably means they enjoy dancing with you, so that's good).

Just a thought.

 

[macha]

Just kick them. Kicking things helps.

 

[fascination]

hepcat-- are they addicted?..do they have other interests in their lives? you can try to extol the virtues of having some balance in one's life but if they haven't been sensitive enough to figure this out yet, I am not sure there is anything you can say or do to get them to "get it" and I am not sure there is anything you should say or do so that they "get it"...maybe you should look at why it is important for you that they get it and then let go of that expectation and whatever concern is behind it :? it is disappointing when people can't hear you, but it doesn't mean that anything can or needs to change...as a good friend always says "STAND IN YOUR TRUTH"...now that will be $1:50 for the armchair psychoanalysis

 

[Swingolder]

Every once in awhile, rehearsal is cancelled, usually after a concert and I do take advantage of that to go dancing. But how do I get it through to my friends that yes I want to dance, but no I can't when it conflicts with my rehearsal? They only see it as an annoyance. They don't get that it's important to me. They just harumph, roll their eyes, and mock proclaim "rehearsal" with exasperation.

Perhaps they simply don't realise you are annoyed at the way they react when you mention the rehearsal? Perhaps they are only trying to let you know, in a jokey way, that they *really* appreciate your presence at the dance (which probably means they enjoy dancing with you, so that's good).

Just a thought.

I agree, be flattered rather than annoyed. And keep on going to your reherasals.

 

[Sagitta]

hepcat-- are they addicted?..do they have other interests in their lives? you can try to extol the virtues of having some balance in one's life but if they haven't been sensitive enough to figure this out yet, I am not sure there is anything you can say or do to get them to "get it" and I am not sure there is anything you should say or do so that they "get it"...maybe you should look at why it is important for you that they get it and then let go of that expectation and whatever concern is behind it :? it is disappointing when people can't hear you, but it doesn't mean that anything can or needs to change...as a good friend always says "STAND IN YOUR TRUTH"...now that will be $1:50 for the armchair psychoanalysis

Yes. Sometimes people get stuck in a rut. Let them be in theirs and do your stuff. I ahve to do that many times. :wink:

 

[cocodrilo]

Just kick them. Kicking things helps.

I prefer an aluminum bat. Why risk breaking a dancing foot? 8)

 

[Chris Stratton]

I don't know that the attitude is all that different than that of the college musical theater group that used to schedule orchestra rehearsals on both saturday and sunday every weekend for two months before each show.