partnership question... kinda complicated

dancing_moogle

dancing_moogle

Member
After having a successful season with my partner, I thought he had moved back to Europe, but he didn't. He's still here in the U.S. finding a job. Pretty soon I will have a tryout with someone new. His profile looks pretty good and I'm interested.

But thinking about my old partner, I'm afraid that he could be staying because of me. After he told me he is still in the area, I told a friend about this, and she told me to keep her informed about it, suggesting that it could have something to do with me. I was very sure he'd go back to his home country. Maybe I'm overexagerating, but I don't know what to do if that is the case. I AM glad he's still here, but... I don't want our partnership turn into something romantically serious, as we don't have that kind of chemistry.

I guess I wanna ask what would you do?
 
What... he didn't tell you he was staying? I presume he has no significant visa issues, or he's not saying because of someone else...

I'd say meet up with him and ask him how his job search is going. Then steer the conversation towards partnership-related things.
 
Always a sticky situation when there are a lot of things in the air and unsaid. Good luck in clearing everything up tomorrow night.
 
twnkltoz said:
I'm confused. Did you break up, or was there a pre-determined termination date for the partnership?
Click to expand...

Well, the thing is that I thought he was moving back to his home country, so I thought our partnership was over. But one day he called me and asked if I wanna go dancing. That's when I knew he was still around.

So... I guess I'll find out when I see him *shrugs*
 
Hmm. chances are he has a thing for you, but won't say. That's how some guys are -- can't risk rejection.

The nice thing about this situation is that, since he hasn't said anything, you can plead ignorance. You decide how you feel about him and act accordingly. If you don't feel romantic vibes, you can just play ignorant. (and introduce him to your SO, or something equally obvious LOL) It's harsh, I know. But, if he doesn't tell you he has feelings for you, there's nothing you can do ... (unless YOU have feelings for him. :eyebrow:)
 
Hmm. I got a PM from someone who thinks I'm suggesting game playing, here. I have to think about that, some, and perhaps reevaluate myself.

However, here's where I thought I was coming from. I think that each of us is responsible for our own feelings.

In this case, dancing moogle is describing unexplained behavior from a former partner, and I am speculating that he might have a crush on dancing moogle. In my mind, if the former partner is crushing on d_m, he needs to take responsiblity for his own feelings and speak up. If there is no SO involved, especially, he needs to take the risk.

If dancing_moogle DOES have an SO, then, while it may be hurtful to her partner, introducing the SO and the partner may be the kindest thing, in the long run.

dancing_moogle's responsibility, in my mind, is for her own feelings, which are not romantic toward this partner. If he doesn't approach her, I don't think she has any responsibility to confront him. His feelings are his to handle.

That said, the human mating dance can be a complicated thing. What can I say? I don't think it's very common for people to get together successfully without somebody doing the mating dance ritual. In my own relationships, I try to keep my approach honest, but heck, I still dance. :wink: 8)
 
pygmalion said:
Hmm. I got a PM from someone who thinks I'm suggesting game playing, here. I have to think about that, some, and perhaps reevaluate myself.

However, here's where I thought I was coming from.

[...]
Click to expand...

If it can make you feel any better, this is pretty much the way I had understood your first post to begin with.

(and pretty much what I would suggest (or do) myself)
 
Thanks for the reassurance, Lita_rulez. :D

And I feel for you, dancing_moogle. Those guessing games are really tough, whichever side you're on. Good luck. :? 8)
 
Good luck & keep us posted, dancing moogle.

As I have absolutely no luck in partnership so far (& don't even ask about the dating department :roll: ), I have nothing to offer but wishing you all the best..........
 
pygmalion said:
Hmm. chances are he has a thing for you, but won't say. That's how some guys are -- can't risk rejection.

The nice thing about this situation is that, since he hasn't said anything, you can plead ignorance. You decide how you feel about him and act accordingly. If you don't feel romantic vibes, you can just play ignorant. (and introduce him to your SO, or something equally obvious LOL) It's harsh, I know. But, if he doesn't tell you he has feelings for you, there's nothing you can do ... (unless YOU have feelings for him. :eyebrow:)
Click to expand...
this could work, i dont see it as game playing just dancing around the issue :wink: ,but the best course perhaps is to talk and find out why he's still here, if he digs you, as pygmalion said you decide how you feel about him.
 
Yup. How she feels about him is the real issue here, at least in my mind.

I've spent my whole adult life plus a big chunk of my adolescence figuring this out. The deal is, if I feel something for a guy, embarrassing or not, I'm going to go for it. I'd rather make a fool of myself than miss the opportunity for a good relationship. I'm not letting the good one get away because I was too wimpy to go for it.

I've also spent a big chunk of my life trying to figure out where guys were coming from. Been there; done that. Not doing that anymore. If a guy likes me, he needs to step up to the plate and say so. That's for sure what I'd do if the situation were reversed. I don't make anybody guess. 8)
 
For those who are curious about my situation with my former partner, I'm okay. Everything's cool. :)

pygmalion said:
I've also spent a big chunk of my life trying to figure out where guys were coming from. Been there; done that. Not doing that anymore. If a guy likes me, he needs to step up to the plate and say so. That's for sure what I'd do if the situation were reversed. I don't make anybody guess. 8)
Click to expand...

You and I got something in common: we like to be straight with people. And I prefer others be straight with me. Guessing games are so frustrating!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Dance Ads

Advertise on Dance Forums Reach dancers, teachers, studios, event organizers, and dance-friendly brands. View ad options
Back
Top