proper approach in asking for partnering for competing

[waltzguy]

This is the dilemma I have.

I'm without a partner right now, but there's a possibility of someone I can ask (another amateur).

My ultimate goal is to compete am-am, as I have been doing for years now. However, I'm not sure if this lady is desiring to compete am-am as she's totally into pro-am.

So the question is whether it's better (more proper) to approach her with my full intent, that is, to compete, and therefore to practice. Or, should I approach her with just the idea of practicing. Then, if that goes well, to mention am-am competing?

Is it improper either way?
Is there no right answer, because both approaches are okay?

 

[chasphoto]

Waltzguy

Ask her if she needs someone to practice with and see where that goes. Pro/Am dancers never seem to get enough practice. That's how I got my Am/Am partner. It went from practice to doing a few dances in the next comp.

 

[Becca]

I think that also sounds to be a good idea. I definitely think you should get a feel for each other first and then if it's as great as you hope, approach the subject with her then. Good luck, anyhow! Wish I had the guts to just come out and say it myself!

 

[samina]

waltzguy...no need to hold back from revealing your ultimate intentions. just be real. something like this process might work out very naturally for you...

"would you like to practice sometime?"

assuming she says yes, and it goes well..."would you like to make arrangements to practice on a regular basis? i'd really like that."

and then in the context of deeper discussion, whether from the get-go or a bit later as it comes up..."i ultimately want to compete with an amateur partner. don't know if we're a good match for that, but i'm definitely on the look-out for that kind of partnership..."

and then let things evolve. i'm of the opinion that a competition partner requires stronger chemistry & goal alignment than a practice partner. so...if you do start practicing together, let things unfold for the two of you before determining whether whether you are the right fit for such a partnership.

 

[elisedance]

You may be missing something though. Perhaps she does not really want a practise partner but would love a competition one Its unlikely that this would not come up but I think there is no harm in being a bit straighforward from the start - most relationships work far better in the long term if you are honest and open at the beginning.

One way to do both is to approach her and say that you love to dance, you are committed to spending time on it and your goal is to compete and do well in AM. Right now you are seeking a practise partner with the possibility of thinking about competition. The point is that if you tell her you are looking for a practise partner and find out that she does not want to do the AM route - and then drop her for a competition partner she may feel a bit mislead.

My vote is for - straightforward from the beginning (but no need to come on too strong).

 

[latingal]

Being a pro-ammer, I'd probably react better to the offer of practice first and the mention of competing together if it was mutually desirable after some practice time.

When somebody comes at me with an offer of competing right off the bat, I would immediately think commitment and have to think seriously if the partnership could work. The other approach would allow me to see how we might work together before worrying about changing my pro-am plans etc.

 

[elisedance]

But why not mention both at the same time - you are looking for competition but would be happy to at least find a practise partner?

 

[tanya_the_dancer]

Being a pro-ammer, I'd probably react better to the offer of practice first and the mention of competing together if it was mutually desirable after some practice time.

When somebody comes at me with an offer of competing right off the bat, I would immediately think commitment and have to think seriously if the partnership could work. The other approach would allow me to see how we might work together before worrying about changing my pro-am plans etc.

I think it's a good point. Personally, I wouldn't mind if someone asked me to practice with him and might even say yes to the request (although I'm not making any efforts to find someone myself), but I would not want to make commitment to that partnership and set aside my pro-am plans before I have some confidence in the new path.

 

[Laura]

"i ultimately want to compete with an amateur partner. don't know if we're a good match for that, but i'm definitely on the look-out for that kind of partnership..."

If somebody I were practicing with said that to me, I'd take it to mean that he doesn't want to compete with me and is just practicing with me because he's got nothing else going on and will dump me as soon as he finds someone more suitable.

I'd much prefer someone stating out clear from the start: "I'm looking for a competition partner, let's practice together for a while and see how we feel about dancing and competing together."

 

[samina]

as i said, i'm all for mentioning it up front...but personally, i wouldn't want to feel under any immediate pressure while exploring the chemistry of the relationship.

guess it's the same paradigm i'd take to any other kind of partnership, whether romantic or business. the analogy carries over pretty well, because some people know they are ready to "get married" *(i.e., find comp partner) and so may press down that path with more energy than someone looking for just dating or companionship ("practice partner").

fwiw, i don't think in terms of "dumping", tho...to my mind, the relationship is either mutually workable or not. as with other relationships, might work up to a point and then... not.

 

[Standarddancer]

I agree with Sam, just be up front with her; does she have very good pro-am results so she enjoy it so much? If she's good and rank quitely high with her pro, then she might have high expectations for her am-am results too. Some ladies might only be interested in practice occasionally with a male am, but only compete with her pro, if her results very good and she can get good deals from this pro and continue being able to afford paying.

 

[elisedance]

If somebody I were practicing with said that to me, I'd take it to mean that he doesn't want to compete with me and is just practicing with me because he's got nothing else going on and will dump me as soon as he finds someone more suitable.

I'd much prefer someone stating out clear from the start: "I'm looking for a competition partner, let's practice together for a while and see how we feel about dancing and competing together."

thats exactly how I reacted too Laura. Maybe its because I'm older, I'd rather be up front form the beginning, life is too short

 

[White Chacha]

...I'd much prefer someone stating out clear from the start: "I'm looking for a competition partner, let's practice together for a while and see how we feel about dancing and competing together."

I agree with this. I think it's best to make the full intention clear in this case. Why mess around if you're really looking for a comp partner and the person you're asking doesn't want to compete?

 

[latingal]

I think it's best to make the full intention clear in this case. Why mess around if you're really looking for a comp partner and the person you're asking doesn't want to compete?

I guess it will all depend on the individual situation, but say the "asker" is at a lower level of skill then the "askee". I think he/she may actually have more of a chance getting a fair evaluation with the askee if you do not force the competition goal right off the bat.

Let me clarify my earlier post - it might have been a bit unclear, I believe that the competition possibility should be mentioned at the outset, but if it's emphasized as the goal for getting together, it produces a different mindset on the decision to try - more of a final decision and less of a let's dance and see.

 

[elisedance]

Sold! I think thats the consensus