proper manners

[ballroomdancertoo]

I was wondering if anyone there have ever apologized before they dance in a party. Like, Im not very good in .......sorry. especially if the lady looks like a good dancer. do you think its okay, cause I was thinking its like preparing the person to expect the worst.

 

[Loki]

Never apologized, but when I was a newb, I let them know. I've gotten rusty at some dances from lack of practice , so if I ask or am asked to dance one of those, I'll tell them I'm rusty. I'm not asking them to expect the worst, I see that as guiding expectations toward reality.

OTOH, if a follow tells me she doesn't dance XYZ very well, it's been my experience that they usually are worse than I expect.

 

[Dr Dance]

No. It's not okay for a lead to apologize for not being skilled. To inspire confidence in your follow, you also need to exude confidence. Don't even put yourself in a position of disadvantage. If there is a dance that you need to review, build a foundation of basic moves that are beginner friendly. Then you may dance with authority.

What about the newb leaders? It's okay to say, "I'm new to dancing. Please be patient," to bold followers who ask leads to dance. Then dance only what you know.

I appreciate when follows precede our dance with a heads up, "I'm not very good at this," "I'm a beginner," or "Basics only, please?" But if there is an apology there, I am on "yellow alert."

If she precedes her heads up with an "I'm sorry, but...," then it sounds like she is inviting failure. And most times with such cases, failure happens.

Apologies are appropriate when accidents happen. You need not apologize for being less skilled.

 

[GGinrhinestones]

Apologies aren't necessary. Everyone at a party is at different stages in their dance journey - it's expected that there will be different skill levels. If a higher level dancer doesn't want to dance with a lower level one they probably won't be there in the first place. As has been stated on these forums *many* times before - most follows are happy to dance with a newbie who does one or two steps really well, even if that is all he leads. It's *social* dancing for a reason.

That said, I have (as a follow) occasionally admitted to a lead that I don't know much about a particular dance. Not an apology, but a warning to start with the basics.

 

[fascination]

no one needs to apologize for the level they are at...if you feel like you want to let someone know your level, that is fine

 

[twnkltoz]

You shouldn't apologize, because there's nothing to apologize for. As others said, though, it doesn't hurt to say you're new and ask for patience.

 

[ballroomdancertoo]

thanks for the advice. will keep in mind as it has been a bother in my mind as to whether to apologize or not in advance.

 

[Mr 4 styles]

Never apologize. Just lead your basics like a boss

 

[bluslu]

I appreciate when follows precede our dance with a heads up, "I'm not very good at this," "I'm a beginner," or "Basics only, please?" But if there is an apology there, I am on "yellow alert."

If she precedes her heads up with an "I'm sorry, but...," then it sounds like she is inviting failure. And most times with such cases, failure happens.

Apologies are appropriate when accidents happen. You need not apologize for being less skilled.

It may be a Midwest thing (we sometimes preface things we shouldn't with a "sorry" because we're overly polite at times) but I know there are times where I, as a follow, will say "Sorry, I'm a bit rusty but I'll do my best," or I've had a lead come up to me, after having seen me follow others, and after asking me to dance, say something along the lines of "Sorry, I only know the basics but I'll do my best." So I guess for me at least, I don't see it as a true apology, but just as a warning. But again, this may just be a semantics thing.

That said, I agree with the last sentence. The only way we get better is to dance. You should never feel bad about the level you're at. Appreciate how far you've come and take every opportunity to get better. So definitely don't actually apologize. If you feel the need, inform her of what you know (I'm a newer dancer, I only know bronze, I haven't had much experience with this particular dance) but don't feel like you need to be up to her level or anything like that. You may say what you know and have her come back with something like "oh, well I actually know XYZ." Social dancing is always a risk as to what people know (and you'll learn about specific dancers as you do it more) but it also has to be a compromise- You have to communicate about what you both know. Doesn't mean it'll be perfect, but it's way more fun if the follow isn't struggling to follow things she doesn't know or for the lead to feel like they're not doing enough fancy things for her. If you've talked about it, like Mr 4 styles said, work it like a boss!