Should I tell her I am a beginner?
- Thread starter diputs
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diputsnyc said:
diputsnyc, I totally feel your troubles. I went through the same phase. All I can say to you is what I was told by one of the best salseros I have known:
dance for yourself. its too early to worry about the girl. Enjoy yourself, and your dancing, even if the girl has a scowl, or a bored look on her face. don't care too much about what they think.
A very useful little game I'd play with my friends when i started off: they'd point out the girl, and I'd have to go up and ask her to dance. If i didn't, I'd have to give my friends a dollar for each time I didn't go. they'd make sure to point me towards as many advanced women as they could, hoping that I would be overawed to ask them. But I was a real cheapskate, so I asked anyways.
It didn't matter if I was refused, I just asked. there's no doubt this is a very harrowing process, and very difficult. But that's what makes a good leader, and you'll be valued very highly later on. That's your reward for persevering now. You have to decide if you want to pay the price for that reward.
africana
New Member
Oh! that guy! I notice him watching and I usually end up asking if he doesn't ask me :wink:diputsnyc said:africana said:so you would ask usdiputsnyc said:
I am the guy in the corner tapping his foot (hopefully in rhythm), while the rest of his body is paralyzed with fear!
diputs
New Member
africana said:Oh! that guy! I notice him watching and I usually end up asking if he doesn't ask me :wink:diputsnyc said:I am the guy in the corner tapping his foot (hopefully in rhythm), while the rest of his body is paralyzed with fear!africana said:so you would ask usdiputsnyc said:
Did you notice that I tie my shoe a lot. Everytime anyone walks near me!
I am sure things will get better. I actually felt really good after the classes. It was a lot of fun. Once I get to know the regular faces, and they get to know me, I am sure things will fall in place.
Have courage dude. You have to be bold and do it. One dance at a time. One lady at a time. There's no substitute for courage here. Going to dances is already courageous. I know that. You have to continue the courage here.diputsnyc said:
One courageous act at a time. I'm a ballroom dancer who is starting salsa. I can talk to women at a ballroom dance. But at a salsa club, well that's a different story for me. I danced with one attractive woman. I managed to smile at her in the dance and had some nice interaction with her. Then said, "Thank you!". And walked off. Then I noticed her standing by herself and thought "Man, I should have started a conversation with her." Then I'm thinking it was too late and would be weird now. So I decided I just had to do it. So I walked over to her and started a very stilted, halting conversation. :roll: :lol: .Managed to accidentally touch each other a bit. :bouncy: . Then she excused herself and went to talk to her friends. Now that was the first time I've ever done anything quite like that. It was awkward, and I did not feel smooth in the least, but I know it set me up for the next time. It moved the ball down the field which is really all any of us can do anyway.
That was a success! There were plenty of uncourageous times as well. Anyway, I hope my experience will help. But there's no magic formula. Be courageous. Be bold. Good luck!
leftfeetnyc
Active Member
Hustle girl in NYC are nice, just ask them.
If the girls in class are backleading based on what they know is coming, the only way you are really going to learn to lead, like you said, is by going to practice parties. Ask a girl to dance, let her know you're a beginner and she'll help you out...promise. The DS Hustle nights have a friendly crowd, but ask a few people to dance and as they see you out there, they'll ask you too. If you just sit there watching being scared then you'll never get on the dancefloor and know what a thrill it is to really dance.
If the girls in class are backleading based on what they know is coming, the only way you are really going to learn to lead, like you said, is by going to practice parties. Ask a girl to dance, let her know you're a beginner and she'll help you out...promise. The DS Hustle nights have a friendly crowd, but ask a few people to dance and as they see you out there, they'll ask you too. If you just sit there watching being scared then you'll never get on the dancefloor and know what a thrill it is to really dance.
Right. Don't tap in the corner. The instant you get in the building ask someone. Don't get punch. Don't get a snack. Ask and keep asking.diputsnyc said:africana said:so you would ask usdiputsnyc said:
I am the guy in the corner tapping his foot (hopefully in rhythm), while the rest of his body is paralyzed with fear!
BrookeErin
New Member
from what I noticed, women appreciate it more if you let them know you are a beginner. We've had a lack of men in comparison to women lately... there are cetainly nights when you're not likely to get turned down regardless, but it's nice to know what you're getting into. Recently, when a man asked me to dance and let me know he was a beginner, I started off very basic, was encouraging, and didn't get bored because I knew what to expect. I asked about his dance background and he feels comfortable asking me about his lead or new moves. It's easier to be patient with someone who is humble. Besides, we want to dance...
MacMoto
Active Member
Diputsnyc,
I don't think it's *necessary* to tell women you are a beginner, but yes I think we women tend to appreciate it.
Don't be frightened to ask good followers to dance. If telling women you are a beginner makes it easier for you to ask for a dance, then by all means do that. One thing I know is that most good followers are happy to dance with beginner leaders, as long as they don't keep coming back to ask again and again in the same night. Ask every woman once, and leave at that. And if any of them say no, don't take it personally.
I don't think it's *necessary* to tell women you are a beginner, but yes I think we women tend to appreciate it.
Don't be frightened to ask good followers to dance. If telling women you are a beginner makes it easier for you to ask for a dance, then by all means do that. One thing I know is that most good followers are happy to dance with beginner leaders, as long as they don't keep coming back to ask again and again in the same night. Ask every woman once, and leave at that. And if any of them say no, don't take it personally.
Twilight_Elena
Well-Known Member
I don't think it's necessary either; after all, it's pretty possible people have already assesed your skills by seeing you dance with someone. At my dance parties, we usually know pretty much what level everyone is.
Twilight Elena
Twilight Elena
tsb
Well-Known Member
MacMoto said:
that's good point that no one else seems to have mentioned up until now; dance etiquette suggests that one try to dance primarily with other dancers at their experience level vs. limiting one's self to a single dance with each person above their own experience level. that's a pretty good rule of thumb IMO even though some people may be accomodating of multiple invitations to dance.
dancing with more experienced dancers will lead to a smoother dance - but dancing with beginners is the acid test in terms of evaluating your leading skills.
africana
New Member
And if the lady asks you, don't refuse on the grounds that you're just a beginner or less experienced (and then ask her later for a another song which she may not want to dance! :x )
Accept graciously while explaining your level - if you must - chances are, if she does the asking, she already knows how good (or not) you are
Accept graciously while explaining your level - if you must - chances are, if she does the asking, she already knows how good (or not) you are