Significant Others--How Did You Talk Them Into Dancing?

TemptressToo

TemptressToo

Member
OK...my boyfriend...gorgeous guy with an excellent sense of rhythmn (he dances to techno--as do I). I don't think he would have a problem at all picking up the dances (especially swing). The thing is, he has this whole notion that dancing is 'gay' (no offense anyone, just his words) and won't attend. I would love for him to because having a permanent partner increases your ability to become a more advanced dancer (you can't do some of the really neat stuff without somebody to accent the neat things and assist--i.e. lifts and spins).

My question is, for those of you that have managed to talk your significant others into going dancing...how did you do it? I've already tried playing the music at home (to see if that would hook him)...AND...telling him how much fun I had and how many people I danced with. All to no avail. Any ideas? :lol:
 
How about "accidentally" putting on videos of Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly?

What does he think of the movie Dirty Dancing? Patrick Swayze looks just divine to me :wink:
 
Hiya TT,
You may or may not have a problem. I wouldn't force him . . . maybe let him get jealous of your dancing, and he may want to join you?

Each person is different . . .

For example . . . I've been competing for over ten years, but never thought about competing in Pro-Am until after my wife had been competing in Pro-Am for over two years. Her dancing was far supassing my dancing, and her fun level was much higher than mine. I got jealous and took to competiting in Pro-Am and Jack and Jills, etc. She is still much better than me, but I'm no longer jealous of her dancing.

Have you read all the responses in this:
http://www.dance-forums.com/viewtopic.php?t=780
 
TemptressToo said:
The thing is, he has this whole notion that dancing is 'gay' (no offense anyone, just his words) and won't attend.
Click to expand...

The thought that dancing is non-masculine is a whole other topic. A lot of males won't even try to dance because they think it is a sissy-pants thing to do. What? Holding a gorgeous woman in your arms, and doing things with her that makes her smile? Clearly, those guys have never had a woman melt in their arms after a dance.

The real question is: how can we convince the men of the world that dancing is a very masculine, and sexy, way to interact with women?

(The next question is for the guy dancers - Do we really want to let that secret out to the rest of the mundane males, or do we keep it to ourselves?)
 
Oh yes...I've read most of it. It just doesn't specifically address my issue of how to get him interested. He would be a great dance partner (strong enought to throw me around like I weigh nothing)...if only I could get him interested.
 
What gets me is...you should see the guy dance to techno. He can MOVE. He's got the whole techno glide thing down. He's probably got better rhythmn than me (which is saying a lot since a dance instructor told me I was one of his favorite dance partners).
 
You want to make him dance with you. OK...

Where do you live? Take him to a salsa club, then I'll dance with you. After one song he is going to be so mad that another man can do things to his lady that he can't even imagine, that he might just beat me up, or start dancing with you just to have a chance to make you feel like others have on the dancefloor... Couple dancing is a completely different animal.

The lure must be you, not by asking but by doing, tricks and flips as fun as they are, might not attract the macho guy who thinks dancing is gay to the couples dancefloor. They might just sit there and redicule. What you need to do is show him the sexiness of dancing, the passion and how hot you making dancing look and be. Make sure to get his attention, that he sees you dancing, that he sees you creating a whole new dimession to dancing. If he isn't stubborn enough he might just have to start dancing as well. But as we all know, it is all in due time, he has to be ready to want to dance, your desire for him to dance might not be enough to kick start him. He needs to find out on his own.

He has to see for himself the part of dancing that he hasn't seen. If he still doesn't like it, then dancing might just not be his calling. Hey, maybe if you nag him enough he'll go to. :wink:
 
I think that trying to convince a non-dancer to dance is like trying to convince a non-skier to learn to ski or convince someone who isn't a musician to start taking trumpet lessons and join the band. People need to come to dancing because it's something they want to do. A lot of people have tried (almost always women trying to convince their husbands/boyfriends), but I haven't seen many succeed.

I have also seen a lot of women go dancing without their man, but they frequently eventually get divorced or break up. I'm not sure why this is; it's just my observation. It may be because the women came to dancing because something was missing in their relationship, so they were predisposed to break up. Or perhaps, dancing put them in a tempting situation apart from their non-dancing partner where they meet a lot of men. Or, perhaps their non-dancing partner became jealous and couldn't handle all the time apart, especially knowing they were dancing with other men.
 
TemptressToo said:
he has this whole notion that dancing is 'gay' (no offense anyone, just his words) and won't attend.
Click to expand...

This is so funny because I was there myself, even though I danced quite a bit in my younger days. For quite a few years after I got married any talk of dance, even DanceSport, brought to mind images of guys in tights doing leaps.

What brought me around was seeing an actual DanceSport competition. As soon as I saw it (on TV in my case) I realized that this was a real "guy" thing and cool too. I actually told my wife that we had to start dancing and took the initiative to get us signed up.

You can probably find DanceSport videos in your local library. If not, visit dancevision.com and order one. Probably the best ones in your situation are high-level narrated events like the US Professional Latin Championships or the SuperStar Latin Showcase videos. Blackpool probably won't quite cut it because the European style dancing isn't quite as energetic. I like the Goodlife TV event videos because they are narrated, which is helpful for non-dancers, although I really hate it when non-dancers are asked to help with the commentary. Ugh!
 
Hank said:
I think that trying to convince a non-dancer to dance is like trying to convince a non-skier to learn to ski or convince someone who isn't a musician to start taking trumpet lessons and join the band. People need to come to dancing because it's something they want to do. A lot of people have tried (almost always women trying to convince their husbands/boyfriends), but I haven't seen many succeed.

I have also seen a lot of women go dancing without their man, but they frequently eventually get divorced or break up. I'm not sure why this is; it's just my observation. It may be because the women came to dancing because something was missing in their relationship, so they were predisposed to break up. Or perhaps, dancing put them in a tempting situation apart from their non-dancing partner where they meet a lot of men. Or, perhaps their non-dancing partner became jealous and couldn't handle all the time apart, especially knowing they were dancing with other men.
Click to expand...

Amen to all this Hank. You're a very wise man. When I first started dancing, I tried very hard to convince my SO to go with me. The harder I tried to get him to join in, the harder he pushed back and refused. I wonder what would have happened if I'd just taken it easy to start. *Shrug* :?

In any case, yes, we ended up broken up. Partially because our relationship had issues that predated my dancing days. Partially because dancing became both a huge part of my life and a deal-breaker for him. Good old North-going Zak and South-going Zak (Anybody read Dr. Seuss? LOL) I wouldn't stop dancing for him, and he wouldn't be happy until I did. Bad stuff. :(
 
Honestly, I've just always loved to dance...from ballet and jazz in high school to techno...it is just a part of me.

As far as my relationship goes...we have a very secure relationship. Both of us have interest that are alike...but also outside interests. Which is how a relationship should be. I horseback ride, show dogs, and dance...while Johnathon's hobbies include playing pool and fishing.

Of course, I'm not saying a breakup couldn't happen. I just feel because our relationship is so strong...that wouldn't be an issue. He's a very mature guy and very intelligent...I could go on for hours about how in love we are...even after six years...because we built our relationship the right way. I just wouldn't want to make you all ill. ;)
 
No offense, TT. Then why try to convince him to dance with you? You and he share lots of activities. So why can't you just let dancing be the thing you do on your own, while he's doing something fun on his own. Then, when you get back together, you'll have lots of interesting conversations. Nothing wrong with that, that I can see.
 
TT,
If I missed it I'm sorry, but I hope you both take an interest, even if only a spectator, in the other's hobby . . .

Pass this on to him . . . since he may think that dancing is too "foo-foo" (spelling??? - never wrote that out before) for guys. A few weeks ago, my wife and I taught Night Club 2-Step to 50 couples - a hundred people! I actually received threats from some of the men that they were going to "break my legs," or "rough me up" for doing this and attempting to get them to do it. I stood my ground and said "Let's go outside and discuss this." No one went outside. No one got upset about dancing. The "guys," bottomline, just thought it was "too feminine" for them to do.

Afterwards . . . strange things happened. The men did learn how to dance, albeit, just the basic footwork, and I had one very, very large and muscular contruction worker (if he had wanted to go outside - I wouldn't have - I'm not stupid) tell me that he had thought that our 2 1/2 minute routine/demo that we did prior to teaching, was "very beautiful," and didn't know guys could move like that. He didn't think it was "foo-foo," and lastly he admitted . . . get this . . . he had tears in his eyes because he thought it was "so beautiful."

Tell Jonathan, to swallow his pride and take his techno abilities and move them over with you and your dancing. I bet he can be great at "couple" dancing - Salsa . . . WCS . . . oh yeah!
 
TemptressToo said:
OK...my boyfriend...gorgeous guy with an excellent sense of rhythmn (he dances to techno--as do I). I don't think he would have a problem at all picking up the dances (especially swing). The thing is, he has this whole notion that dancing is 'gay' (no offense anyone, just his words) and won't attend. I would love for him to because having a permanent partner increases your ability to become a more advanced dancer (you can't do some of the really neat stuff without somebody to accent the neat things and assist--i.e. lifts and spins).

My question is, for those of you that have managed to talk your significant others into going dancing...how did you do it? I've already tried playing the music at home (to see if that would hook him)...AND...telling him how much fun I had and how many people I danced with. All to no avail. Any ideas? :lol:
Click to expand...

it's not clear to me what he considers 'gay' in dancing - as you say he will dance to techno. is it the partnering aspect?
 
It must be the partnering. As for being supportive of each other's hobbies...we are to an extent. I myself am a lousy pool player...but I do go an watch and even play if I'm feeling like being cremated. I also like to fish (fresh water) and go out on the boat (salt water). I DO become a fishing widow in the spring because he basically camps on the end of the pier. So...no...I don't sit on the end of the pier day after day and watch him fish....but I do encourage him to enjoy himself.

As for my hobbies...horseback riding...he thinks that is cool and that horses are beautiful and powerful creatures and he likes to ride Western. Dancing, he thoroughly encourages me to participate and enjoy myself. The only hobby he doesn't understand is dog showing. He finds it boring and too expensive to bother with. I can't really blame him there because unless you are a dog person...dog shows don't appeal.

I guess I can just leave well enough alone. I was just thinking that perhaps some of you successfully talked your man or woman into dancing.
 
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