so I finally backtalked to a dancefloor lecturer

noobster

Active Member
and it felt so good! :D

I was out in a place where there were a mix of styles (on1, on2, Cuban). This one guy picked me up and started dancing Cuban. I was trying to follow his motion, but I've never had any formal training in Cuban and there are some elements that are pretty different from slot-style. One thing is that I guess you have to keep your arms really relaxed - slot-style needs some tension and elasticity for a lot of the moves, even to the point of a locked elbow for spins, and I have trouble letting my arms go as soft as the Cuban leaders want them. (Also the floor was really crowded with slot dancers and I was trying to shrink our circle subtly, not very successfully though, by keeping my elbows flexed a lot of the time.)

So anyway. He starts by telling me "relax your arms" which is fine, and then moves into, "You want to feel the music? Follow me if you want to feel the music. No no, you're not feeling it. You gotta feel it. You know how I learned salsa? My grandmother was Cuban, she taught me... blah, blah, blah."

Finally I turned to him and said, "Listen, if you say one more word I'm going to leave you right on this dance floor. I mean it. It's rude."

Dude was shocked, but I felt great. We finished out the song very nicely without another word, and afterwards he came by for a conversation. I said something like, "Look, you're the leader and I have to adapt to follow you. That's fine. But not everybody dances Cuban, you know. There are a lot of different styles out there. I don't know your style and you don't know mine, so if we're going to be able to have a dance we have to make some kind of compromise." He seemed to buy that OK, and he actually came back for several more dances later on in the evening, heh heh heh. :) (Probably because there were no Cuban followers and I was willing to try, but anyway.)

Some other interesting things happened tonight. I danced with a couple of "power leads" I hadn't seen in maybe four to six months, and I found I couldn't follow them nearly as well as I had in the past (even though I feel like my dancing has improved a lot since then, and I've had several different leaders comment on my improvement as well). I think I got used to lighter leads and now I'm less adaptable to the power leads. I kept trying to provide my own momentum for spins, and with my momentum plus his momentum there was just way too much momentum going on and I kept getting unbalanced. Weird.
 
woo hoo! good job! I'm glad he took it well, too! Shows that not everyone who acts like an ******* really is an *******!
 
Good for you, noobster!

The sad thing is, if you didn't tell him, he'd probably never know!
 
and it felt so good! :D

I was out in a place where there were a mix of styles (on1, on2, Cuban). This one guy picked me up and started dancing Cuban. I was trying to follow his motion, but I've never had any formal training in Cuban and there are some elements that are pretty different from slot-style. One thing is that I guess you have to keep your arms really relaxed - slot-style needs some tension and elasticity for a lot of the moves, even to the point of a locked elbow for spins, and I have trouble letting my arms go as soft as the Cuban leaders want them. (Also the floor was really crowded with slot dancers and I was trying to shrink our circle subtly, not very successfully though, by keeping my elbows flexed a lot of the time.)

So anyway. He starts by telling me "relax your arms" which is fine, and then moves into, "You want to feel the music? Follow me if you want to feel the music. No no, you're not feeling it. You gotta feel it. You know how I learned salsa? My grandmother was Cuban, she taught me... blah, blah, blah."

Finally I turned to him and said, "Listen, if you say one more word I'm going to leave you right on this dance floor. I mean it. It's rude."

Dude was shocked, but I felt great. We finished out the song very nicely without another word, and afterwards he came by for a conversation. I said something like, "Look, you're the leader and I have to adapt to follow you. That's fine. But not everybody dances Cuban, you know. There are a lot of different styles out there. I don't know your style and you don't know mine, so if we're going to be able to have a dance we have to make some kind of compromise." He seemed to buy that OK, and he actually came back for several more dances later on in the evening, heh heh heh. :) (Probably because there were no Cuban followers and I was willing to try, but anyway.)

Some other interesting things happened tonight. I danced with a couple of "power leads" I hadn't seen in maybe four to six months, and I found I couldn't follow them nearly as well as I had in the past (even though I feel like my dancing has improved a lot since then, and I've had several different leaders comment on my improvement as well). I think I got used to lighter leads and now I'm less adaptable to the power leads. I kept trying to provide my own momentum for spins, and with my momentum plus his momentum there was just way too much momentum going on and I kept getting unbalanced. Weird.
:applause:
I love it! Sometimes enough is enough and you have to draw the line! You see he came back for more, so clearly you were polite but firm! I would've given him a look that said it all (and then followed up with some words in case he still didn't get it!) LOL

Anyway, ITA with you about not being able to follow the rougher leads as well. I used to love dancing with this one guy until I started taking lessons from instructors who focus on a light lead and follow. Boy, my dances were better with 95% of leads--until I got to this guy I just mentioned. Did not work! Oh well, such is life.
 
Speaking of leads I have a lighter lead and there are quite a few followers who appreciate that. And if you are used to one it can be tough to adjust to the other, speaking from experience. There is one follower who wants that and actually started telling me to make my lead more definite etc etc. Rather than telling her off I simply didn't dance with her for a really loong time. Now if she talks back I just start spinning her and spin her and spin her. It quietens her down.

I can give a stronger/power lead, but don't prefer that so don't dance as much with those who want that.
 
Speaking of leads I have a lighter lead and there are quite a few followers who appreciate that. And if you are used to one it can be tough to adjust to the other, speaking from experience. There is one follower who wants that and actually started telling me to make my lead more definite etc etc. Rather than telling her off I simply didn't dance with her for a really loong time. Now if she talks back I just start spinning her and spin her and spin her. It quietens her down.

I can give a stronger/power lead, but don't prefer that so don't dance as much with those who want that.
Saggita--please keep that light lead. It makes the dance oh so nice and smooth! (Can we dance when I come to the NY Salsa congress?):D
 
Speaking of leads I have a lighter lead and there are quite a few followers who appreciate that. And if you are used to one it can be tough to adjust to the other, speaking from experience. There is one follower who wants that and actually started telling me to make my lead more definite etc etc. Rather than telling her off I simply didn't dance with her for a really loong time. Now if she talks back I just start spinning her and spin her and spin her. It quietens her down.

I can give a stronger/power lead, but don't prefer that so don't dance as much with those who want that.
It's interesting to hear this from the other side. (Caveat: I in no way consider myself a salsa dancer--I dabble with it from time to time.)

I can generally follow pretty decently. I never have much of a problem with salsa--unless there's a ton of spinning going on. I can handle about a double spin, max--occasionally a tripple, and that's it. Most guys I dance with are nice and light.

Then a few weeks ago I danced with a local ballroom pro--who is reported to be very good. He's a sweet guy, very courteous, blah blah blah. But I can't follow his lead to save my life! And he always asks me to dance salsa, of all things! I don't know what it is with him--maybe he's just used to bigger, competitive-type movements. Alls I know is, I feel like there's so much power behind his leads it really throws me off. Not to mention, whenever I come out of a spin or a turn or something, he is never where I expect him to be. Very odd. I can't figure out why I can't dance with him, but it's very disheartening.
 
He's not really dancing social salsa, by the sounds of it. Anyone dancing socially won't be that big.

It's interesting, actually, to observe what kind of leads you can and cannot follow. I have a partner who I had the hardest time dancing with for a very long time. it's only been since we'v started practicing together and are on this team practicing choreography that I've become more comfortable with his lead. i always felt like the worst dancer ever when Ic ouldn't understand his lead and basically botched a whole sone with him, nearly every time. REcently I learned that he alwas felt intimidated around ME, and the feeling was going both ways, unbeknownst to both of us. It's just a matter of communication styles and what you're used to. If yo've become accustomed to certain signals, and a lead is giving none of them, or something entirely different, you're bound to get thrown off. Doesn't mean you'rea bad dancer. You simply haven't spoken that language yet. and... he just may have a thing or two to learn about salsa...
 
yeah, i know a guy who dances salsa with those huge power movements... i abhor dancing with him. he doesn't really care about connecting with his partner... thus, i find it near-impossible to follow him. it is very... unpleasant...
 
Anyway, ITA with you about not being able to follow the rougher leads as well. I used to love dancing with this one guy until I started taking lessons from instructors who focus on a light lead and follow. Boy, my dances were better with 95% of leads--until I got to this guy I just mentioned. Did not work! Oh well, such is life.
Well. I find it a little disheartening that I am becoming less adaptable, rather than more. I think I was a little better at being openminded about lead styles in the past. I can see myself starting to develop more specific preferences, and while I know that's unavoidable to an extent, I would really prefer to try and keep myself adaptable to all kinds of leaders.

There are certain pluses to the power leads. If I can get into the groove with a good stable one I can let him crank me through lots of spins, whereas with lighter leads I won't get through more than a double (or rather, they usually won't give me more than a double, presumably because they sense that I wouldn't be able to deal with it). One of the guys last night was someone who just loves to wind up and crank out bunches of spins, which is something he used to be able to do with me in the past, but last night I just kept losing my balance and stopping the spin. I think he was more than a little confused.

Overall my dancing is extremely leader-dependent, and I wish I could figure out how to be able both to adapt better to the leader and be a little more independent of him for my own quality of movement.
 

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