So Where Should I Start?

TemptressToo

TemptressToo

Member
Last night after the usual witty bantering with the hubby, I said, "I just wish you'd dance with me."

Big sigh and he says, "fine."

"Really?" "Yes, really."

So, I have ten years on him and he has a lot of catching up to do. I will probably teach him the basics and rhythm of each dance myself, and then get us into some group classes and perhaps some privates.

So, to the leaders of the group, where should I start? I assume easy to hard would be the proper method working through dances. What would be the best order? Are there any dances easier to lead than others?

I'm fully prepared to be a very patient woman. :)
 
I recommend not teaching him yourself, but bring him to a private teacher. It will make your relationship stressful if you are teacher, partner, and life partner. Better that an outside teacher corrects him and you, and works with both of you to make it work.
 
I'm sure there are exceptions, but many couples find it problematic for one to teach the other, even just the basics. I would recommend instead that you both go to the beginning group classes at your studio -- you can work on your technique, or dance there as a lead so you know precisely what he's being taught. And then when you practice together, every time you're tempted to make a correction, think about whether that is the one most important thing for him to be thinking about now, that will make this particular step work when it's not working now, and if it's not, bite your tongue.

I was in a similar position to you a number of years ago, although my now-husband had gotten himself to the studio a few months before we met. We now compete together, but our lessons still focus mostly on him. I am pleased overall with how we do, but I still think that practicing together for competition is the hardest thing we do together, as far as our relationship is concerned, and I'm still figuring out the balance between necessary corrections (especially because we're a large distance from our teacher, so our lessons are infrequent) and tongue-biting. Even with the experience difference, the more you can act as partners and let someone else be the teacher, the smoother the process is likely to be.

Oh, and congratulations! That's so great that he's willing to try joining you on the dance floor!

ETA: Or, as Bailamos says, you can do privates, or both groups and privates. That's going to depend on how fast he wants to move and how technically solid the group classes available to you are.
 
Ok, let me ask this, as I'm a social dancer. As he learns and I envelope him in the social dancing scene, how much attention should I give him as a social dance partner? Don't misunderstand that I'm planning on abandoning him to my own dance needs. But I firmly believe the more people he dances with and their range of dance skill, the better for him as a leader. Does that make sense? Should I make sure he dances every dance either with me or another?

I've met couples that only dance with each other. I don't think this is good for either individual.
 
TemptressToo said:
Ok, let me ask this, as I'm a social dancer. As he learns and I envelope him in the social dancing scene, how much attention should I give him as a social dance partner? Don't misunderstand that I'm planning on abandoning him to my own dance needs. But I firmly believe the more people he dances with and their range of dance skill, the better for him as a leader. Does that make sense? Should I make sure he dances every dance either with me or another?

I've met couples that only dance with each other. I don't think this is good for either individual.
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I'd say to let him take the lead as far as who he dances with. You've already got an established position in the scene, so your regular partners are going to keep asking you to dance, and you should keep dancing with them, as well as with your husband. He can decide on his own what to do when you're dancing with someone else -- whether to ask someone else himself, or whether to sit that dance out. We all take some time to get used to the social aspect of social dancing. As his dance skills improve, he'll probably get more comfortable with asking people to dance as well. This is one situation where taking group classes can help. He will necessarily be dancing with the other ladies in the class (maybe exclusively, if you're learning the lead), so he'll get practice dancing with different people. And if those followers are in the same social dance scene, he's got people he already knows that he can ask to dance. I think your trying to stage-manage this part of it would probably do more harm than good.

ETA: (I seem to have a lot of things to add today...) That said, of course don't just abandon him as soon as you get there (not that you would). Maybe make a point of always dancing your first and last dances together, and then whatever else the two of you want.
 
This is a great opportunity for you, and I really believe learning how to lead this time will really help your dancing too. Unenlightened followers always ask for a strong lead, and poor leaders ask for light followers. In reality they both have important jobs to do, and they're dancing is never compromised by subjugating themselves to the other persons ability or power.

Additionally you probably have a lot of things to unlearn this is a great opportunity for people to learn how to dance better. What feels 'good' to you now may change radically when you learn what it really is all about, and its so easy to mistake comfort level for quality.
 
TemptressToo said:
So, to the leaders of the group, where should I start?
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You are going to alienate him, Temptress. Do not plan anything, let him find his own studio, schedule, speed, style, focus, dance partner.... if you want to dance with him at all. You cannot accelerate, but you can easily sabotage. I speak from experience, I´m a dance teacher and I actually saw many couples fail.


TemptressToo said:
..how much attention should I give him as a social dance partner?
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Go out with him, of course. But do not work, study or practice with him! Just dance and make him feel to be the best dancer around.
 
opendoor said:
Do not plan anything, let him find his own studio, schedule, speed, style, focus, dance partner....
Go out with him, of course. But do not work, study or practice with him!
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I don't know. I agree that the original proposals were dangerously hands-on. But I'm not convinced that it's necessary to be quite this hands-off. Lots of couples do in fact successfully study and practice together. Admittedly, others decide that the health of the marriage is better served by doing their dance learning separately. It really depends on the dynamics of each particular couple. In this case, since his original motivation is to dance with her, I could imagine that if she now says, "OK, great, go find yourself a studio and come back when you know what you're doing," he might think, "Wait, do you want me to do this or not?"

opendoor said:
Just dance and make him feel to be the best dancer around.
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Yes. (But without him experiencing it as you being condescending! It can be so complicated....)
 
We've been together 16 years (8 dating, 8 married)...hopefully I know him well enough to know how to approach him with what to learn, and survive that process. :) I have been dancing in this new area for two months and have befriended most of the local professionals. There are definitely studios I'd avoid, so me being the catalyst to introduce him to the better people is going to be essential.

I've found that most of the time it is a gradual process. Start with a dance, even an easy one, and let an individual fall in love with it...working toward mastery. From there, gradually increase the buffet with other, related dances.

I guess I'm asking you leaders...

1. What dance do most men like the most?
2. What dance(s) is the easiest to learn or put it differently, the first most leaders learn?
 
I would say that American rumba, chc cha and ECS were the easier to lead than waltz or foxtrot, because you don't have to worry as much about navigating the LOD.

DW was patient with me as I learned at first, and often became frustrated later as men progress generally much more slowly. I believe group classes with rotation or separate private lesson for a while would be helpful before you consider joint privates.

Some advice from my own experience. Do not try to teach him. Practice together, maybe, if it goes smoothly. Often it will not go smoothly. Do not try to back lead in class. Very few followers can time back leading well, and while they think they are helping, they are wrestling. At socials, do not turn them into lessons. Just enjoy.
 
2 months is not much time to assess a dance scene or decide quality of teachers or studios

Why not have your so try a few trial classes locally and let him see who works for him? Social us pretty basic and is not a very hi level teaching position... So probably all if them will do the job.
 
I agree, but if he went studio hunting he might find the one that banned me for being "too good" a dancer for their group. That's what I'm meaning. ;)
 
New local leaders here seem to pick up some basic 4 count hustle pretty quickly. Gets them on the floor, works with lots of music, easy hold (no frame), doesn't travel, etc. That and rhythm rumba are where he might want to start for dances with easy non-threatening basics, unless there is some other dance that appeals to him right off the bat. Has he even been to a party with you to watch, see some dances, hear the music, etc?
 
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