Social obligations...

[Anonymous]

Help on spaghetti arms:

Ok, so- too loose, and you can't "feel" the leader's directions, right?

And, too "stiff", and- there's not enough room for "play" or "correction?

To translate this to terms I might understand, it's like bit contact with a horse- you Feel the horse's mouth, and he feels your hands- too tight and there's resistance that can cause lack of balance (or pain) in either horse or rider, and too loose, and the horse or human wanders without direction until something abrupt jars one or the other (or both) painfully back INto contact, and tht can be clumsy?

?

 

[KevinL]

Ponidancer,

I think you've got a good analogy. Enough pressure, but not to much. The problem is learning exactly what the proper level of pressure/ contact/ connection is "correct" for what you are dancing.

Kevin

 

[SDsalsaguy]

Enough pressure, but not to much. The problem is learning exactly what the proper level of pressure/ contact/ connection is "correct" for what you are dancing.

...and with who! As I'm sure the case is with horses as well, each individual has their own unique responsiveness that ideally, as dance partners (or horse/rider), you learn to use.

 

[alexandrahweis]

If you are good friends and it's an easy to explain fix(like the death grip) tell them what's bothering you, in a gentle way.

 

[LordBallroom]

What do you do when there are people you feel socially obligated to dance with on a regular, ongoing basis, but do not enjoy dancing with? I am not talking about the occasional social dance but rather, people whom you see on a weekly basis and who, socially, you like and are friendly with. Perhaps more importantly, they think they are good dancers. Given the ego investment and involvement in learning to dance, I don't want to offend people I genuinely like but, at the same time, I do not enjoy the dancing, even sometimes ending up with a sore shoulder. How do (or would) you deal with such a situation?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if the people you're talking about aren't sharp enough to recognize that they are only "legends in their own mind" when it comes to their dance skills they probably won't be able to pick up on any subtil clues you might try to give them that you aren't interested in dancing with them. I recommend giving them a couple of dances and then telling them "no thanks". That way you still give them more than the obligatory 1 dance that everyone should give to someone who asks but you don't ruin your night by spending excessive amounts of time with those who burden you. Maybe you can even throw in the "I'd like to practice with different leaders to improve my following skills." or "I want to try to get to know some more people".

 

[fascination]

guys...he posted this in 2004

 

[Gorme]

Still relevant in 2013.

 

[fascination]

topic may still be relevant but I hardly think SD is still struggling with that presenting issue...that was my point...it's one thing to present a new similar issue but advising him probably isn't neccessary

 

[dbk]

What do you do when there are people you feel socially obligated to dance with on a regular, ongoing basis, but do not enjoy dancing with? I am not talking about the occasional social dance but rather, people whom you see on a weekly basis and who, socially, you like and are friendly with. Perhaps more importantly, they think they are good dancers. Given the ego investment and involvement in learning to dance, I don't want to offend people I genuinely like but, at the same time, I do not enjoy the dancing, even sometimes ending up with a sore shoulder. How do (or would) you deal with such a situation?

If you are friendly enough to feel obligated to dance with them, you should be friendly enough to give them feedback - especially when pain is involved.

It doesn't have to be a serious intervention-style sit-down conversation. You can give feedback right when you get into frame ("Can you lighten up your arm a little?"), when a 'problem' step occurs ("oof! Hey, relax, I'm not going to run away from you!") or at the table after you dance ("Am I doing something to put you off balance? Because you're a little heavy during XYZ step.")

If you don't want to say anything, there are certain ways you can respond that can sometimes make them feel what they're doing. Followers can respond to a heavy lead with exaggerated motion (rather than trying to absorb it), or let their arms go floppy to avoid straining their muscles... both are quite noticeable for the leader. Leaders (I'm less familiar - maybe others can chime in) can also relax their arms against a heavy follower. You can also stick to very basic steps that hopefully hurt less.

Or, hey, if you just want to stop dancing with them - pre-emptively ask someone else, and be "tired" when they want to dance. But beware, it's a little passive-aggressive and they will probably notice...

 

[dbk]

What I get for not reading timestamps...