Spec Sheet for Galatea

[ReneeJoan]

Dear Gentlemen:

Since none of you really know me personally, I can't ask the question I REALLY want to ask which is, why am I such a washout with men?

So, I'll turn the question around and ask it in a more general way -- please describe what it is you are looking for in a woman, your ideal, your perfect 10. What does it take for a woman to catch your attention and hold your heart? For the long haul?

And ladies, let's do the gentlemen (and ourselves) a favor and stay off this topic. Let's just LISTEN. No rebuttals, no input from the female perspective. Let's just listen and hear what they have to say.

The reason I'm asking is because it's happened again. A REALLY nice guy has been coming to our tango class and milonga, and I thought I really had a chance with this guy. I really thought I had my head together, trying to put together everything that went wrong with previous crushes, romances and relationships, lurking on the men's discussions here on Dance Forums, and just when I thought things were really going well, SLAP. This other woman hones in on him and the next thing I know I can't get a dance or a word with this man to save my life because he's always talking to her. What really bites is that she already has a to-die-for boyfriend. How come she gets two, and I don't get any? Yes, anybody who wants to say I have a bad case of sour grapes will get no argument from me. I've got sour grapes, I'm pretty bitter about it, but just give me a few days and I'll get over it. I'm also willing to listen to genuine feedback from the customer.

So, gentlemen, what are you looking for in a woman?

Renee, the humble disciple

 

[tj]

Re: Spec Sheet for Galatea (Men Only, Please)

So, gentlemen, what are you looking for in a woman?

Renee, the humble disciple

Ick - as much as I hate to admit this, but the vast majority of we guys tend to go for all of the superficial stuff first and foremost.

It's unfortunate, but that's what I see.

One thing I've got to ask about your situation - is it 100% definite that this guy is a smitten kitten? That he's totally into that gal with the boyfriend?

Could be a sign of his own issues - that he likes women who are unattainable/unavailable.

 

[ReneeJoan]

Dear tj:

Since you asked me a direct question, I'll violate my own rule and answer.

No, I'm not 100% sure, but on the other hand, I'm so discouraged about it right now, about the whole romance thing, so beaten down by so many romantic disasters in too short a space of time, that I almost don't have the energy to stay in the arena any more and find out. I, personally, can't see how she manages to fascinate men as well as she does, which is why I started this thread in the first place. I find her, and her whole circle of mindless bimbette friends, brain numbingly boring to talk to. But there's obviously something she's got that I don't, and I'd at least like to know what it is.

So, keep talking. I'm listening.

Renee

 

[Vince A]

Re: Spec Sheet for Galatea (Men Only, Please)

Dear Gentlemen:

Since none of you really know me personally, I can't ask the question I REALLY want to ask which is, why am I such a washout with men?

Let me jump in here . . .
First of all, you are not a loser, nor a washout with men. You've just made mistakes . . . get beyond this and stop dwelling in the past. Learn from those mistakes.

Second, don't put on a front, don't change who you are for anyone. Always be in your character . . .

Third . . opposites attact, right??? BS . . . be attracted to someone who has the same interests as you.

Fourth . . . don't be picky . . . look inside a person.

So, I'll turn the question around and ask it in a more general way -- please describe what it is you are looking for in a woman, your ideal, your perfect 10. What does it take for a woman to catch your attention and hold your heart? For the long haul?

No two women are alike, so why put you all in a category. I cannot describe what I am looking for in a woman, because there is no such woman. Now, I could describe someone that I'd like to jump into bed with . . . but that, My Dear, is a fantasy . . . and those don't happen . . . too often!

I would think that eyes are the sexiest part of a woman. You all have breasts, legs, a derriere, and %#)(&%, right? Learn to use what you have. Be satisfied with who you are. Use your eyes . . . flirt . . . flirt with all the sexiness you can muster, but don't do it to get "us poor unsuspecting men in bed". . . Wait, no, disregard that last statement!

Humor and being able to laugh at his humor is important . . . very important. Clean . . . be clean. Be classy, be slutty at home or when you are out and flirting with him. BE YOU! Whoever you are. Be intelligent. Don't wear too much makeup. Take care of yourself . . .

The reason I'm asking is because it's happened again. A REALLY nice guy has been coming to our tango class and milonga, and I thought I really had a chance with this guy.

And I bet this guy is a "looker," yes? Closer to your age?

I really thought I had my head together, trying to put together everything that went wrong with previous crushes, romances and relationships, lurking on the men's discussions here on Dance Forums,

And there you go dwelling on the past . . . just like the women, no two men are alike, and YOU WOMEN cannot put us all in one category. YOu can try, but you'd be wrong.

and just when I thought things were really going well, SLAP. This other woman hones in on him and the next thing I know I can't get a dance or a word with this man to save my life because he's always talking to her.

You should have been looking for the other guy, who was looking at you, waiting for a glance from you back at him before he gathered the courage to ask yu for a dance. He would have been the better choice. Oh, maybe you didn't see him????????

What really bites is that she already has a to-die-for boyfriend. How come she gets two, and I don't get any? Yes, anybody who wants to say I have a bad case of sour grapes will get no argument from me. I've got sour grapes, I'm pretty bitter about it, but just give me a few days and I'll get over it. I'm also willing to listen to genuine feedback from the customer.

Sour grapes???? Nah, you need fresh batteries. Move on . . . you are wasting time . . . you are too easily defeated, therefore your self-esteem needs some work. Get hopping RJ!

I've read some really great comebacks here on the DF from you. I've learned a great deal about you just from your writings. Why are you not like that in person. Let this person come out . . . she has a lot of good things going for her.

So, gentlemen, what are you looking for in a woman?

A woman that has great self-esteem and self-control, who is optimistic, and who has spiritualism . . . and every woman can be all of this!

 

[tj]

Dear tj:

Since you asked me a direct question, I'll violate my own rule and answer.

Well, this is your thread, so I think you're allowed to reply...

No, I'm not 100% sure, but on the other hand, I'm so discouraged about it right now, about the whole romance thing, so beaten down by so many romantic disasters in too short a space of time, that I almost don't have the energy to stay in the arena any more and find out.

Hmm, along the same thread that Vince was going on... rather than seeing it as being your fault about your "romantic disasters", a better less harmful way would be to chalk it up to being both of you. That each of your own quirks/personalities somehow meant that you weren't compatible. If anything, maybe looking internally to see why you're attracted to these men that aren't into you?

Most people go through phases where you date (or are attracted to) a bunch of folks and it doesn't work out. This too will pass.

Hmm, perhaps it's better for you to have the guys chase after you. I would venture to guess that your recent pattern is that you're into a guy, and he ends up chasing after someone else?

I, personally, can't see how she manages to fascinate men as well as she does, which is why I started this thread in the first place. I find her, and her whole circle of mindless bimbette friends, brain numbingly boring to talk to. But there's obviously something she's got that I don't, and I'd at least like to know what it is.

So, keep talking. I'm listening.

Renee

Well, perhaps this particular guy can relate to her mindless chatter? There are definitely times for deep heavy and meaningful conversations, and there are times that are not. Depends on the people.

A lot of us are familiar with our "dance crushes". Those whom it's magic on the floor, and a total flop when the two of you are off of it. Is this the case recently?

 

[jon]

...that I almost don't have the energy to stay in the arena any more and find out.

Very few people are attracted to people who are giving off visible vibes of loneliness. Get comfortable with yourself and opportunities will come along eventually, maybe next month and maybe years from now.

 

[tsb]

Re: Spec Sheet for Galatea (Men Only, Please)

Dear Gentlemen:

Since none of you really know me personally, I can't ask the question I REALLY want to ask which is, why am I such a washout with men?

so can don & i respond to the unasked question (privately)?

So, I'll turn the question around and ask it in a more general way -- please describe what it is you are looking for in a woman, your ideal, your perfect 10. What does it take for a woman to catch your attention and hold your heart? For the long haul?

i've read that when someone says "i love you" - it generally means "i like who i am when i'm around you". i think you understand the implications.

And ladies, let's do the gentlemen (and ourselves) a favor and stay off this topic. Let's just LISTEN. No rebuttals, no input from the female perspective. Let's just listen and hear what they have to say.

The reason I'm asking is because it's happened again. A REALLY nice guy has been coming to our tango class and milonga, and I thought I really had a chance with this guy. I really thought I had my head together, trying to put together everything that went wrong with previous crushes, romances and relationships, lurking on the men's discussions here on Dance Forums, and just when I thought things were really going well, SLAP. This other woman hones in on him and the next thing I know I can't get a dance or a word with this man to save my life because he's always talking to her.

is his name leigh? is her name mark? (inside joke)

What really bites is that she already has a to-die-for boyfriend. How come she gets two, and I don't get any? Yes, anybody who wants to say I have a bad case of sour grapes will get no argument from me. I've got sour grapes, I'm pretty bitter about it, but just give me a few days and I'll get over it. I'm also willing to listen to genuine feedback from the customer.

So, gentlemen, what are you looking for in a woman?

Renee, the humble disciple

the main thought i care to offer here is that this other person isn't doing anything that this guy isn't allowing her to do. if he can be swayed so, did you really want to be with him in the long term?

 

[clave]

Re: Spec Sheet for Galatea (Men Only, Please)

So, gentlemen, what are you looking for in a woman?

Well, I've been off the meat market for quite a while, but back then I'd say my list in order of decreasing importance went something like this:
1. quality of communication
2. truthfulness/professionalism/punctuality
3. common interests and goals
4. health and beauty

Then on the other hand, when we finally met it was more like WHAM! and the whole list goes out the window once you're in love. So my advice would be more along the lines: get your own life and find your own happiness, once you chance upon a right person and it's mutual you'll know it. But as they say, YMMV.

Since none of you really know me personally, I can't ask the question I REALLY want to ask which is, why am I such a washout with men?

Oh, but this is such a talkative and eclectic crowd here, of course you may ask precisely that question. You won't get any answers, to be sure, but there'll be plenty of food for thought profferred. :wink: For example:

The reason I'm asking is because it's happened again. A REALLY nice guy has been coming to our tango class and milonga, and I thought I really had a chance with this guy. I really thought I had my head together, trying to put together everything that went wrong with previous crushes, romances and relationships, lurking on the men's discussions here on Dance Forums, and just when I thought things were really going well, SLAP. This other woman hones in on him and the next thing I know I can't get a dance or a word with this man to save my life because he's always talking to her. What really bites is that she already has a to-die-for boyfriend. How come she gets two, and I don't get any?

From the paragraph above my diagnosis would be that it's because you're shallow, prone to irrational jealousy, frustrated and shrill.

I'm joking of course, the point being: if you're interested in the guy show explicit interest (such as asking "hey, when are you going to ask me out on a date already?") and if the interest is not mutual back off. It takes many years to build a meaningful relationship, and perceiving someone as "nice" and having a crush is totally irrelevant to this process. I'm sure that "other woman" isn't using up ALL of his time, so if he has any interest in getting to know you he'll find time.

 

[DancePoet]

Re: Spec Sheet for Galatea (Men Only, Please)

Dear Gentlemen:

Since none of you really know me personally, I can't ask the question I REALLY want to ask which is, why am I such a washout with men?

We may not, but we are getting to know you.

I'd pick up a book called Concious Loving if I were you, and I wouldn't wait, I'd go get it and read it at your very next opportunity. It significantly changed my view of relationships, what works, what doesn't. It has been very helpful.

So, I'll turn the question around and ask it in a more general way -- please describe what it is you are looking for in a woman, your ideal, your perfect 10. What does it take for a woman to catch your attention and hold your heart? For the long haul?

What it is for me, is not likely to be for others. But since you asked ...

I'm looking for a woman that feels her feelings, tells even the smallest of truths, and upholds her commitments. Realizes the value of trust, respect, understanding, emotion, loyalty. Communicates with caring, compassion, consideration, co-operation. She needs to have a positive attitude, believe in herself, have self confidence, takes care of herself. The woman is commited to a close relationship and clearing up anything in the way of having one while maintaining her own individuality at the same time, empowers others in the world to do the same, acts 100% responsible for her own reality, is completely revealing of herself, and wants to have fun.

The reason I'm asking is because it's happened again. A REALLY nice guy has been coming to our tango class and milonga, and I thought I really had a chance with this guy. I really thought I had my head together, trying to put together everything that went wrong with previous crushes, romances and relationships, lurking on the men's discussions here on Dance Forums, and just when I thought things were really going well, SLAP. This other woman hones in on him and the next thing I know I can't get a dance or a word with this man to save my life because he's always talking to her. What really bites is that she already has a to-die-for boyfriend. How come she gets two, and I don't get any? Yes, anybody who wants to say I have a bad case of sour grapes will get no argument from me. I've got sour grapes, I'm pretty bitter about it, but just give me a few days and I'll get over it. I'm also willing to listen to genuine feedback from the customer.

I'm not sure what's going on with this situation, but my suggestion is to take some time off from searching for Mr. Right. Focus instead on yourself. Make a list of things you really want to do and start doing them with out worrying about a guy being around. Keep dancing and doing whatever else you enjoy. Make a short list of your absolute must haves with a guy, and your absolute must nots. Make a longer list of other desires and dislikes, and be very careful regarding compromising even these. It is my belief that the more two people have in common the better off they will be. When you start feeling like you can put some of the Concious Loving principles into place for yourself, then begin experimenting with them with your family, friends, business relationships, and then try them on a guy. Yes, I'm back to that book again. I encourage you to get it, read it, practice it's principles.

 

[DWise1]

Please pardon me if I make the wrong assumptions.

First, I cannot tell you what I look for in a woman because I hadn't looked nor ever wanted to look for the past 30 years. But now my wife, whom I had known all that time, is divorcing me (and giving me no reason) so after I've adjusted enough to suddenly being single again I will need to discover for myself what I look for in a woman.

Where in SoCal are you? More specifically, are you located where you can go to "Monday Night Solutions" at Mariner's Church in Newport Beach? Two psychologists, Cloud and Townsend, have been running that program for several years. Right now, it's based on their book, "Safe People", in which they look at how we can learn to discern that other person's character to find whether they would be safe or unsafe for us.

You mentioned a number of relationships. Were they several different relationships or the same relationship over and over again? We tend to be attracted to or to attract the same kinds of unsafe people, until we can break that cycle. That's basically what the current series is about.

BTW, they are also evangelical Christians and it is held in an evangelical church. But the greatest portion of the material is still very pertinent and useful to non-Christians. I am saying that as a very definite non-Christian and non-theist.

Again, I apologize if I had made any wrong assumptions.

 

[Joe]

...that I almost don't have the energy to stay in the arena any more and find out.

Very few people are attracted to people who are giving off visible vibes of loneliness.

And the ones who are, you want nothing to do with...

What men really want in a woman is a nice pair of <delete>.

 

[tsb]

obviously some men learned to stand upright merely to be able to <delete> with both hands.

 

[ReneeJoan]

tsb:

Please feel free to say what ever you want, either in public or in private. However, I must ask that you please keep it clean. I asked that this thread be for men only, but please bear in mind there are ladies (and children) listening.

Renee

Jon:

The other men who have responded to this thread have been direct and very tough in their answers, but their words have the ring of truth and sincerity, and I respect that. However, I'll have you know that there is nothing wrong with my set of knockers. There's a lot of women who would pay in excess of $10,000 to have a bosom like mine, yet I am not being followed around by hordes of eager suiters. If I've got the courage to stand here and listen to the truth (why do I suddenly hear Jack Nicholson in the background?), then don't insult me by being flippant.

And furthermore, there are men who have had enough insight to see past my vibes of loneliness and talk to me anyway, and I count them as among my most cherished friends.

Renee

 

[pygmalion]

Non gender specific moderator's note:

It is Joe, not jon, who referred to breasts. jon gave some pointed, insightful feedback that made no reference to body parts or anything else that might offend in any way.

 

[ReneeJoan]

Dear Pygmalion:

You are right. It looks like I need to go see the optomotrist and have my glasses checked (they are ten years old). I didn't see the difference between Jon and Joe.

Thank you for pointing that out.

Renee