Tango as it crosses over with the relationships, seduction and sexuality
- Thread starter crazycanuck78
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crazycanuck78
New Member
Thank you for all the replies and sentiments so far. I have definitely realized that tango complicates more than it simplifies romantic life. The most efficient way to meet romantic partners in the modern world is dating apps, but dating apps are not romantic. Tango is certainly inefficient, but there is something about walking that line of sensuality and seduction and rules and boundaries and uncertainty and delayed satisfaction that is sort of captivating to me. I think I have reached a point in life where I appreciate the story more than the outcome. Also, I can’t imagine now having a long-term relationship with a woman without also being able to share this aspect of my life with her.
In regular life I have found that tango actually narrows the dating pool. When I have been on a first date and I tell a woman about my tango hobby it seemed to just complicate things. First, they realize it is something that they might not be able to enjoy with me without a lot of invested time. Second, they seem to imagine that it is hotbed of sexual competition, which is not true. I learned to keep the mention of my tango interests to myself until got further down the line with them.
I am currently in a relationship with someone who doesn’t dance tango. I do not think it is a forever relationship, but she is a wonderful woman who I have been seeing for about 6 months. We have talked about her trying tango once Covid lockdowns end and there is a great tango studio not 200 meters from her apartment. However, privately I am concerned about a few things. First, do I actually want to share this part of my life with this particular person? Second, do I want to spend another year dancing mostly with a raw beginner? Third, is she going to be jealous of my tango dancing if I decide to go alone sometimes? Forth, if she likes tango and we break up did I just place an ex-girlfriend squarely in the middle of a community I enjoy?
I know I am over thinking this, but it is Covid lockdown and we all have a lot of time to think. In the end I will just live in the moment and let it play out.
In regular life I have found that tango actually narrows the dating pool. When I have been on a first date and I tell a woman about my tango hobby it seemed to just complicate things. First, they realize it is something that they might not be able to enjoy with me without a lot of invested time. Second, they seem to imagine that it is hotbed of sexual competition, which is not true. I learned to keep the mention of my tango interests to myself until got further down the line with them.
I am currently in a relationship with someone who doesn’t dance tango. I do not think it is a forever relationship, but she is a wonderful woman who I have been seeing for about 6 months. We have talked about her trying tango once Covid lockdowns end and there is a great tango studio not 200 meters from her apartment. However, privately I am concerned about a few things. First, do I actually want to share this part of my life with this particular person? Second, do I want to spend another year dancing mostly with a raw beginner? Third, is she going to be jealous of my tango dancing if I decide to go alone sometimes? Forth, if she likes tango and we break up did I just place an ex-girlfriend squarely in the middle of a community I enjoy?
I know I am over thinking this, but it is Covid lockdown and we all have a lot of time to think. In the end I will just live in the moment and let it play out.
TTanguero
Forum Master
1. It would be pretty weird if you didn't, no?
2. You don't have to – she will have fellow beginners to dance with
3. If so, then she's not a viable relationship candidate
4. Yeah, I know a few of those tales!
itwillhappen
Forum Master
What does "bad" mean, what does "good" mean in this context?
I think that's one of the most valuable properties of social tango!
WhiskeyPapa
Well-Known Member
My wife and I have followed parallel tracks in pursuing tango. We found we got in each other's way as two beginners, so if your girlfriend does get into it, I would recommend that she take private lessons separately from you. Group lessons with partner rotation might work out, but even there she might have a easier time developing her tango identity and finding other beginning men partners without you around. After 6 months-1 year, you could start dancing more together.
There is no guarantee she will like it or want to invest the effort required to get any good. Many people are far too sensible to take it up!
You don't mention how she feels about your hobby....
It's strange how in these threads touching relationships/sexuality, women rarely post....
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itwillhappen
Forum Master
I don't know anything about your dancing talent, but under normal circumstances I would think that as a leader you desperately need this head start for balance in the couple.
itwillhappen
Forum Master
One will see. My two and a half ex-girlfriends wanted explicitly to keep dancing with me. Ok, it might take some time.
itwillhappen
Forum Master
But why doesn't she stay in front of the mirror at home but goes to a milonga in her stylish tango battle dress?
Sorry, but this setting is also a test of the own (remaining) attractiveness, for men and women. And it can really go wrong if your gender is not in demand or if you don't have the talent to dance.
ProgressNotPerfection
Forum Master
This is a fascinating mental image.
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The above two comments are not necessarily contradictory. “I’m dressing up for ME - because I feel good about myself when I dress up - not because someone expects me to, not because I’m trying to seduce someone. And testing my (remaining) attractiveness is also for ME - because it feeds my ego to realize how much magnetism I still have, to feel how many eyes are still drawn to me (both male and female), and that won’t happen in front of my mirror at home.”
But yes, in the realm of partner dancing - especially with strangers - trying to make oneself attractive is - in its literal interpretation - for someone else.
opendoor
Forum Master
I fully agree! And we should also act like adults. Every partnership is part of our own history and future. And of course, we're kind of a big family. All partnerships in the second part of my life come from my tango community. We all know about each other and are still secretive.
Mr. Moustachio
Active Member
JournalInTime wrote:
"one of my teachers knew which guys were creepy, and made sure the classes were one woman short so those guys would be forced to dance with me, another guy, as their accompanier"
So, did any of these guys survive dancing with you and sign up for another course?
JournalInTime wrote:
"she knew guys wouldn't be attracted to a girl who was a lousy, awkward dancer"
She had never seen guys making fools of themselves teaching a cute beginner.
"one of my teachers knew which guys were creepy, and made sure the classes were one woman short so those guys would be forced to dance with me, another guy, as their accompanier"
So, did any of these guys survive dancing with you and sign up for another course?
JournalInTime wrote:
"she knew guys wouldn't be attracted to a girl who was a lousy, awkward dancer"
She had never seen guys making fools of themselves teaching a cute beginner.
JournalInTime
Forum Master
Yep. Most did. I took the "here are the secret tips, leader to leader" approach, which was very welcome even if I wasn't cute.
Oh, she had. But the woman in question would punch the sort of guy who would "teach" at the milonga. She was pretty serious about the rules because she was the protégée of the owner, so she knew "teaching" at the milonga was considered unacceptable and happily reminded men who tried that they were jerks.
itwillhappen
Forum Master
This is why we shouldn't bother when women sit around ... they can learn to lead and dance with each other, especially if they search for sensitivity and not physicallity, chemistry or sexuality (not talking about sex)!In AT, women have the power. Men are to be used. Play it cool. AT is not about sex; it actually goes deeper.
It is more important that we support unhappy men and don't leave one behind, brother!
It is absolutely true for me as a woman. But it is not the entire truth. I am a lonely follower, my husband does not dance. I go to Tango alone and I need partners. I am a jeans T shirt kind of person in my free time. But I dress up, put make up (just a bit) and I do it consciously to attract leaders. I avoid making friends at Tango and being in groups (I saw too many dramas and embarassing moments). All I want is to have some good Tandas, every evening hoping for the best one in my life. While going to the local Milongas I know I will get some Tandas, I always hope for a eventually new leader (may be a tourist) who will be great and make my Milonga. I get easily bored with the same leaders, same style. So I dress nice exactly for that. Not more.
As much I appreciate a man dressed well, a clean shirt. I don't like when the men come always in Tshirts, it's unpleasant to touch a bare sweaty arm.