Tango etiquette. Is it normal?

hur, i spotted a 5p piece on the dance floor and my partner took umbrage and said
" you'd stop dancing with me to pick up FIVE PENCE!"

fortunatley she had a good sense of humour.
:oops:

You should have told her you were afraid someone would catch their heel on it the wrong way and go a-slidin'...
 
Tandas, cortinas, and the cabeceo are a good thing

Originally Posted by 'round Midnight
Yet another reason why tandas, cortinas, and cabaceo are a good thing....


Dave Bailey responded:
Exactly how would these things help? Or are there no pervs in the whole of Argentina?


Thanks, 'round Midnight, for stating the obvious. If tandas and cortinas were implemented where Sombra was dancing, her partner wouldn't have left her after two dances. I'll say he was a knight in shining armour going to rescue a damsal in distress. However, if the cabeceo was the rule of the house, the damsal wouldn't have been approached by any man with an invitation to dance.

This situation happens all the time in BsAs milongas. Women warn their friends about the bad dancers to avoid, and then they can ignore the predators walking around to find their next prey.
 
to Dave Bailey

Do you know what is funny? Nobody asked one question. How this partner could know that that “bad leader” is … bad? How one leader can get this information about another leader? Yes, we have several leaders who have no navigation skills and always run into other couple. That is obvious. But if we speak about lack of experience… how another leader can know?
The answer is that he had this information from me. I danced with that “bad leader” once and that was more that enough for me. But it does not mean that he is bad for any follower. I often see him with same followers. I do not know probably they are too slow to run away or something else. I mean that if he is a bad partner for me does not automatically mean that he will be bad partner for somebody else.
 
to Dave Bailey

Do you know what is funny? Nobody asked one question. How this partner could know that that “bad leader” is … bad? How one leader can get this information about another leader? Yes, we have several leaders who have no navigation skills and always run into other couple. That is obvious. But if we speak about lack of experience… how another leader can know?
The answer is that he had this information from me. I danced with that “bad leader” once and that was more that enough for me. But it does not mean that he is bad for any follower. I often see him with same followers. I do not know probably they are too slow to run away or something else. I mean that if he is a bad partner for me does not automatically mean that he will be bad partner for somebody else.
Oh right.

In that case, his behaviour was a bit strange...
 
Do you know what is funny? Nobody asked one question. How this partner could know that that “bad leader” is … bad?
Leaders can often see that another leader is bad, even if the follower grapevine doesn't put the word out first.

That leads in to the "Well, would you stop dancing with me for £1 million...?" question :)
"Madam, we have already established what you are; we are now simply haggling over price." ;)
 
to Dave Bailey

Do you know what is funny? Nobody asked one question. How this partner could know that that “bad leader” is … bad? How one leader can get this information about another leader? Yes, we have several leaders who have no navigation skills and always run into other couple. That is obvious. But if we speak about lack of experience… how another leader can know?
The answer is that he had this information from me. I danced with that “bad leader” once and that was more that enough for me. But it does not mean that he is bad for any follower. I often see him with same followers. I do not know probably they are too slow to run away or something else. I mean that if he is a bad partner for me does not automatically mean that he will be bad partner for somebody else.

I have asked ladies why they dance with who I consider a bad leader (simply by observation) and the answer often is “dancing with him is a challenge” So as men with Egos we sometimes don’t see the big picture when it comes to how women think. This guy was assuming the damsel was in distress and wanted to be prince charming and save her. The question is did she want to be saved???????
 
Whether your partner's actions were right or wrong, or normal or not, are general questions that each of us can argue differently. But what is NOT arguable, and should not be ignored, is that his actions hurt you. If he argues that you should not feel this way it is another example of his unwillingness to care for you, to be a friend. If he is so sensitive to another's feelings he should be sensitive to yours. Frankly, he sounds like a jerk.

He is also not very sensitive to the feelings of the woman he went to rescue, who from your own statements was only in "danger" of dancing with a poor leader, not a serial killer or sexual harasser. Most of my women friends would be more annoyed at him than at the supposed "bad" guy. They feel they are grownup, strong women who can handle problem men without interference. Plus, they might actually like the bad dancer, or at least feel sympathetic to him, and be willing to put up with his poor leading or lack of musicality or whatever for a few dances.

I occasionally see women being asked to dance by men who strike me as likely to make them feel uncomfortable by "teaching" them, often with continuous lectures while they dance, sometimes stopping in the middle of the floor to explain what she is doing wrong. The only reasonable help I can give them is to ask them to dance later, keep my mouth shut, and try to help them have the best time they can without referring to the "teacher." For all I know she actually appreciated the lessons, however unlikely it might seem to anyone watching. After all, I'm not a mind reader and am only guessing what her feelings are.

Laer Carroll
 
Whether your partner's actions were right or wrong, or normal or not, are general questions that each of us can argue differently. But what is NOT arguable, and should not be ignored, is that his actions hurt you. If he argues that you should not feel this way it is another example of his unwillingness to care for you, to be a friend. If he is so sensitive to another's feelings he should be sensitive to yours. Frankly, he sounds like a jerk.

He is also not very sensitive to the feelings of the woman he went to rescue, who from your own statements was only in "danger" of dancing with a poor leader, not a serial killer or sexual harasser. Most of my women friends would be more annoyed at him than at the supposed "bad" guy. They feel they are grownup, strong women who can handle problem men without interference. Plus, they might actually like the bad dancer, or at least feel sympathetic to him, and be willing to put up with his poor leading or lack of musicality or whatever for a few dances.

I occasionally see women being asked to dance by men who strike me as likely to make them feel uncomfortable by "teaching" them, often with continuous lectures while they dance, sometimes stopping in the middle of the floor to explain what she is doing wrong. The only reasonable help I can give them is to ask them to dance later, keep my mouth shut, and try to help them have the best time they can without referring to the "teacher." For all I know she actually appreciated the lessons, however unlikely it might seem to anyone watching. After all, I'm not a mind reader and am only guessing what her feelings are.

Laer Carroll

agreed, the few times I have been "rescued" it was later. No mention of the "bad leader", just someone who could tell I had not had a great tanda but let me get on with it in my ow way and danced with me later...sort of a "see we're not all like that" approach, I guess.

also agreed the original posters feelings were hurt and I think the lead in question should be sensitive to that in talking about it, whether or not overreaction is in question. IMO, you should be just as nice, or doubly nice to someone who is a regular partner as someone you only see occasionally, otherwise they eventually start to feel like the are being taken for granted...not the best feeling in the world.
 
In my experience, when a lady is 'positively giddy' with an obviously bad lead, that tends to mean he's very tall, good-looking and/or rich.

The situation the OP is describing makes me strongly suspect that the lady being 'rescued' is quite cute.
I further suspect he didn't get anywhere, since he was a 'gentleman' (by asking his partner's permission to go 'rescue' someonme else) and, well, what they say about 'nice guys' is, sadly, an understatement......

Another thought on 'bad leads':
There's guy here who is some sort of 'Champion' in a particular dance discipline (not Tango), I see him quite regularly and I don't get it.
Nothing he does looks 'championesque' to me, most of the time, he isn't even on beat.
Go figure.
 
In my experience, when a lady is 'positively giddy' with an obviously bad lead, that tends to mean he's very tall, good-looking and/or rich..

:p Maybe true as well... but I often see beginner ladies getting "led" through movements I know they don't know and afterwards ask them about it and more often than not they are quite excited to have done "fancy" steps with someone... :rolleyes:

The situation the OP is describing makes me strongly suspect that the lady being 'rescued' is quite cute.
I further suspect he didn't get anywhere, since he was a 'gentleman' (by asking his partner's permission to go 'rescue' someonme else) and, well, what they say about 'nice guys' is, sadly, an understatement......

well- that though crossed my mind too as a possibility...I see it a lot with the young and cute....

Another thought on 'bad leads':
There's guy here who is some sort of 'Champion' in a particular dance discipline (not Tango), I see him quite regularly and I don't get it.
Nothing he does looks 'championesque' to me, most of the time, he isn't even on beat.
Go figure.

As always, a champion status in one dance doesn't give you automatic mastery of another...perhaps he gets lots of dances because of projected confidence rather than tango ability.
 
I should have specified that this 'Champion' dancer isn't doing Tango.
What I see him do are the style(s) he is supposed to be a 'Champion' of......
Not sure about the 'confidence', but it's not his looks or winning personality......
 
Situation.
I am dancing with more or less regular partner. After two tangos (we do not have tandas on this milonga), he asks for permission to leave me because one of bad leaders is approaching one girl and is going to ask her for a dance and my partner has to save her from the fate worse than death. Can I really say no in this situation? (rhetorical question). But I felt so…. humiliated, angry and
lost.

Next time I tried to discuss this situation with him, expecting some kind of apology. I was so naïve… He thinks that what he did was absolutely normal, I was overreacting and so on. So according to him, in all civilized world this type of behaviour is absolutely acceptable and normal.

Question. What do you think about it? Leaders, would you be able to do something like this? Followers, what would you feel? Am I really overreaction and far too sensitive? Please, I need your opinion.
These are facts as best I understand them:

  • There was an expectation that he would dance with you longer than he did.
  • He asked if he could cut it short (and not live up to the expectation), to make some "rescue" of another follower.
  • Permission to cut it short was granted.
  • You felt hurt as a result.
My opinion was that it was an over reaction on his part (assuming he really felt he needed to rescue the other follower), as well as on your part for feeling so angry, (as you did grant him permission to go off on his crusade to save troubled followers).

My two cents.
 
I should have specified that this 'Champion' dancer isn't doing Tango.
What I see him do are the style(s) he is supposed to be a 'Champion' of......
Not sure about the 'confidence', but it's not his looks or winning personality......

well, I guess you could technically call yourself a champion if you went to some local competition and won a few rounds....it's sort of like posting on the internet...you can call yourself whatever you like and be whatever you like to some extent...something about a dog not being a dog???
 
Personally... as long as it doesn't happen often, I would just let it go. No one committed any heinous crimes here. Maybe he was rude, maybe you were over-reacting. Maybe both! But either way, it shouldn't be a big cause of stress. I mean, is all this negative "he was wrong" "I was wrong" stuff really what you want to associate with dancing, over such a little issue?
 

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