Tango's social environment vs. work's environment

[tido]

Hi everyone,

I've been dancing tango on-and-off for about 3 years. I enjoy the kind social environment and gentle tango connection. But I seem to have trouble or I'm misunderstanding social interaction at work. People are not kind to each other at work, they jokingly belittle each other. It's like an infection, everyone seems to do it, I take no pleasure in taking part in this though. Also I find it little hard to defend myself at times when others make derogatory remarks. Following a tango class, it's as though I feel/sense more, this is both the positive and negative interactions at work. How do you guys deal with switching from a kind environment to a an environment where teasing/belittling remarks are the norm? It may be true that one needs to be vulnerable to experience true connection with another, but is this a no-no at work. It's more of a fighting environment where vulnerabilities are not to be shown, because others will take advantage of you?

Cheers,
Tido

 

[toothlesstiger]

Every work environment is different. I don't experience such an environment at work. That being said, even if I did, I have developed a pretty thick skin. I don't know if it is a function of the work you do, but if it bothers you so much you might want to look around for a better work environment.

Also, it is good to be able to have different personae you wear in different settings. Role-playing, essentially. I am not the same person with my wife that I am with my co-workers, or with my students.

If you make yourself equally exposed, equally vulnerable, in all settings, you let in too much sometimes, and you don't let in enough at other times.

 

[opendoor]

Hi Tido, I posted it ealier, but my personel experience is: Tango is kind of a school for life. You cannot learn Tango, and that is my deep believe, by learning steps and visiting classes. One has to get immersed totally into this new environment. Everything is deconstruated and reconstruated again. Your former personality will change.

 

[Mosca Negra]

There should be an Agony Aunt thread in Dance Forum. A place where we don't feel the need to discuss topics directly related to dance and we can all hold hands and sing Kumbaya in a soft, non-threatening whisper.

 

[Captain Jep]

Hi everyone,

I've been dancing tango on-and-off for about 3 years. I enjoy the kind social environment and gentle tango connection. But I seem to have trouble or I'm misunderstanding social interaction at work. People are not kind to each other at work, they jokingly belittle each other. It's like an infection, everyone seems to do it, I take no pleasure in taking part in this though. Also I find it little hard to defend myself at times when others make derogatory remarks. Following a tango class, it's as though I feel/sense more, this is both the positive and negative interactions at work. How do you guys deal with switching from a kind environment to a an environment where teasing/belittling remarks are the norm? It may be true that one needs to be vulnerable to experience true connection with another, but is this a no-no at work. It's more of a fighting environment where vulnerabilities are not to be shown, because others will take advantage of you?

Cheers,
Tido

Interesting topic. It does of course depend on your work environment. But yes often there's a contrast between tango -where you can fully immerse yourself in the "flow" - and work - where you are constantly pulled in and out of it.

For me tango is an important source of emotional stability. It gives me energy and patience to deal with life's problems. But it's not the only one. Having friends , family and a social network around me are just as important.

We talk in tango about being "grounded". Thats what I aspire to be in life just as much as in tango. The more "grounded" we become, the more positive energy we can give out. And that by itself may transform your relationships with people at work.

 

[Madahlia]

Hi everyone,

But I seem to have trouble or I'm misunderstanding social interaction at work. People are not kind to each other at work, they jokingly belittle each other. It's like an infection, everyone seems to do it, I take no pleasure in taking part in this though.

If you did take part you'd be one of the in-crowd, and enjoy apparent popularity, as long as you didn't leave the room. However,you would have sacrificed your principles and be a worse person for it.

This kind of workplace politics seems to flourish where there is, maybe, weak leadership, and individuals who lack confidence and choose to mask this by forming back-biting cliques which covertly attack others. They need to belittle others in order to feel strong. In my experience the best way to deal with it is to leave and find somewhere nice to work! You don't have to accept a work culture that you don't like.

There's a chance that they are teasing each other in a harmless way, where people have to prove they're one of the crowd by showing their willingness to "take it", "laugh at themselves" etc, etc. But if you are experiencing it as "unkind", then it probably is.

 

[Zoopsia59]

There should be an Agony Aunt thread in Dance Forum. A place where we don't feel the need to discuss topics directly related to dance and we can all hold hands and sing Kumbaya in a soft, non-threatening whisper.

Try this:

http://www.dance-forums.com/forumdisplay.php?f=17

(ps: if you don't like the topics being started here, feel free to start one of your own)

 

[Steve Pastor]

they jokingly belittle each other

I find it little hard to defend myself at times when others make derogatory remarks.

It took me a long time to become comfortable with the kind of bonding that some men do. And, yeah, that bonding can include exactly what you have described, as has already been pointed out.
I have dance friends who totally slam me. One woman whom I know loves dancing with me said a wek or so ago, "The other woman ask me, how can you DANCE with him?" Another dance friend commented that "When you are dancing we can't watch you because of all the weird stuff you do."
With freinds like this...
But, really, they are just joshing me.
Can't say what the intent of people at your workplace is for sure, though.
AT lessons are a different environment, and people tend to bond because of common goals and experiences. The world of the milonga is quite different, I'd say.

 

[newbie]

...the kind social environment and gentle tango connection. But...at work... not kind to each other at work, they jokingly belittle each other....

Depending on one's experience, the wording could be reversed as well. When starting A.T, I found that people were not kind with me ("Hey you're still coming, we thought you would give up", "I cannot feel your lead but somehow it's ok because you're not leading the correct steps"), while at work everything was (and still is) going smoothly and without any stress whatsoever.

 

[LittleLight]

If your work is like that then perhaps you should look for another job. I'm serious. Life's too short to spend the larger part of your day suffering. Not easy in these days of financial crisis, I know, but I would at least look at my options if I were you.

As for Tango, IMO there's two sides to the equation. I've met fantastic people through AT and have made really good friends. It is (or can be) a fantastic social scene and that's before we even start dancing and talking about connections and flow and the like.

Having said that, I don't think that AT is all peace, love and understanding at all times and it is not necessarily a pastime for the super-thin skinned. People do watch other people and talk about them. You have to be able to stand that. Then there's the "why does x never ask me?" or worse "why did x ask me once but then never again?" torments that you just have to stop. And then, if you are a really good at worrying, you also have the option to constantly fret about your technique and whether or not that is improving...

Okay, now, I'm hoping I didn't scare you out of AT. In fact, I feel that apart from the dance itself, which is reward enough, overcoming these worries and obstacles can actually make you more confident and boost your self-esteem. Perhaps this will even help you face the dreaded dayjob.

(That touchy-feely enough for ya, Mosca Negra?)