The top 5 reasons a woman wants to dance with a specific man

[Zoopsia59]

One partner recently told me before dancing that
she had just been instructed she needed to change much of what she was doing.
Yet earlier she had been asked by someone else to help demonstrate for
some beginner teaching

One night at a practica, I got "Your right arm is much too loose.. you need more frame" and then from the very next leader "Your right arm is much too stiff... you need to relax it"

I did NOTHING differently with these two guys (who coincidentally were the ONLY guys who complained about my right arm at all... EVER)

 

[Zoopsia59]

she then said to me how pleased
it was me she was now going to dance with as she could just relax and dance.

That, in a nutshell is exactly what we want, and what this whole thread is about.

Being able to just relax and dance!

Feel like no matter what happens, its ok. Good dance? GREAT! Foobas? No big deal, they didn't ruin the whole thing. Incompatible styles? Find humor in it or some common ground somewhere.

Just relax, dance, and enjoy it.

Its amazing how rare that is.

 

[dchester]

perhaps joe...but I doubt it...I think most men, when percieving that a lady is struggling with advanced moves, actually have the courtesy to tone it down...but, some men; A) don't percieve it b)could if they wished to but are too self-absorbed c)get a charge out of it and think they are being impressive

or D) suspect they lead it poorly and want to try to lead it better.

 

[Peaches]

or D) suspect they lead it poorly and want to try to lead it better.

Appreciated (the desire to improve, the suspicion that it was your fault and not ours), but...please just let it lie.

 

[fascination]

and let me clarify...if a woman is obviously newer than the gent and obviously struggling...and missing the lead...that was my context....and I admit that the majoity of men have the good common sense not to push the move or others of the same complexity

 

[dchester]

In fact, one of my favorite leaders and I have a running joke about a move he does that I STILL never get.. he's the only leader I know who does it, and it starts exactly like something else that everyone does, so I flub it every time. And every time I roll my eyes and say "Darn! Missed it AGAIN!". Then we joke about how many years it will be before I learn to follow this rather spiffy move and stop anticipating that he is doing the OTHER rather spiffy move.

OK, now I'm dying of curiosity. What are the two spiffy moves? One of these days, I will make it out to your neck of the woods, and I want to be ready.

:friend:

 

[Zoopsia59]

OK, now I'm dying of curiosity. What are the two spiffy moves? One of these days, I will make it out to your neck of the woods, and I want to be ready.

:friend:

Well, I'll only get one of them right anyway, no matter how ready you are!

 

[Joe]

That may be more of a ballroom thing... I believe the general consensus in AT is that if you can't lead simple moves and make an interesting and enjoyable dance, you aren't an advanced leader yet.

Perhaps. But there is also this: people sometimes like to analogize dancing as a conversation between two people, where obviously the leader does most of the "talking." However, I also like to add that some followers need a leader who...let's just say has a very loud and clear voice.

 

[Zoopsia59]

Perhaps. But there is also this: people sometimes like to analogize dancing as a conversation between two people, where obviously the leader does most of the "talking." However, I also like to add that some followers need a leader who...let's just say has a very loud and clear voice.

I've no idea what this post has to do with the concept (of yours) that I responded to of a leader being so used to dancing advanced material that he can't simplify for a follower who can't follow advanced material.

 

[AndaBien]

Perhaps. But there is also this: people sometimes like to analogize dancing as a conversation between two people, where obviously the leader does most of the "talking." However, I also like to add that some followers need a leader who...let's just say has a very loud and clear voice.

A clear voice - absolutely. And I imagine every follower would much appreciate clear leads.

A loud voice - not necessarily. I think a good leader can get his partner to hear whispers.

 

[Chris Stratton]

One possibility could be that what would be required would be more in the way of over-leading than just simplification.

Actually, one of the primary practical problems I've faced is trying to get followers to relax and stop trying to "fix" things - for example, someone being very comprehensively lead outside partner going to desperate measures to get that foot inside where it "belongs", or the reverse.

It can sometimes take experience to get dancing back to its walking roots.

 

[Zoopsia59]

testing new siggy... no need to reply

hmmmmm....

 

[Chris Stratton]

Its a two-way street - if someone has dicided on a character that is incompatible with partner dancing, then what, really, is the point of dancing with them?

 

[little hobo]

Perhaps. But there is also this: people sometimes like to analogize dancing as a conversation between two people, where obviously the leader does most of the "talking." However, I also like to add that some followers need a leader who...let's just say has a very loud and clear voice.

When taken in conjunction with your earlier post, I can't help being reminded of the joke about a tourist complaining about the stupidity of the natives.

"...and they can't understand a word you say, no matter how loud you say it."

 

[dchester]

A clear voice - absolutely. And I imagine every follower would much appreciate clear leads.

A loud voice - not necessarily. I think a good leader can get his partner to hear whispers.

IME, it does seem like some followers have a lot better hearing than others. With the really special followers, it seems like I barely think about the next step, and they are on it (and never getting ahead of me either). With other followers (typically beginners) you often do need to provide more support and use more force, and they usually are appreciative that you can accommodate them. Either case is a win.

The trick is with a few of the followers who hear something, but not what you are trying to say. That's when leaders go nuts trying to figure out how to make it clear. It's like, I can lead this clearly to a beginner or advanced dancer, but why can't I make it clear for this intermediate dancer?