Thoughts on attending a milonga just to watch

[daisy_r]

Some friends I'll be visiting soon have asked me if I'm going to be dancing any tango while I'm there so they can come with me - I think it's a nice thought, I don't see them very often and tango is my main hobby so I think this is an attempt on their part to reconnect and share in my hobby.
However, my friends don't dance at all and they aren't aware of the etiquette. In general, would it be considered ok for them to come with me to a milonga and just watch, assuming I give them some dos and don'ts concerning milonga etiquette, or would that be frowned upon?

If anyone has experiences of bringing non-dancing family or friends with them to milongas they wouldn't mind sharing, I'd love to hear about how you did it and how it went.

 

[opendoor]

Welcome to DF daisy ! I did it twice and my friends were quite happy watching an inhaling that atmosphere. We limited it to three hours. And of course in either case it ended on the dance floor. I showed them the basics.

 

[Reuven Thetanguero]

I see no reason why they should not go. I would suggest they take a class while there or beforehand,

 

[Brummbaer]

Don't see any problems. Never done it myself but other people have. Depends where it is as it could prove expensive for zero participation, unless the organizer allows some discount. Just need to avoid cabeceo/mirada, if that's used. Probably better if there's a bar and appropriate seating, and don't prolong it.

There have been public, free, promotional activities with a basic class. I've seen some basic steps taught in an hour with a short dance time afterwards - advanced dancers and families with kids in tow have taken part. That might be better.

 

[TTanguero]

Yep, I've had a few friends do this, and enjoyed it for way longer than I would have guessed. As Brummbaer says, just had to brief them on how to decline cabeceo.

 

[pianistamediano]

... would it be considered ok for them to come with me to a milonga and just watch, assuming I give them some dos and don'ts concerning milonga etiquette...

It really depends on how the milonga is (uptight, friendly, etc.), but there's no reason not to let them come along. Like Brummbaer said, might be a bit expensive if they're not dancing at all, depending on how the host sees it, and honestly, as non-dancers, they shouldn't be taking up good seats for cabeceo as a courtesy to the dancers.

I've brought along a friend or two to my local milonga, and I have seen dancers bring their non-dancing friends too, but I think most of them didn't stay for the whole milonga. Just make sure to talk to them if they're feeling bored, because some people might find it interesting for only a short time. Introducing them to your friends would be a good way too.

Reuven and Brummbaer have a great point in finding one with a pre-milonga class, ideally a taster or beginner's session, maybe even a short practica, to let your friends learn some of the basics. Unless they're really against dancing, it should make it even more enjoyable!

If they want to try dancing in the ronda, well, again it depends on what the conditions are like (crowded? dangerous? (e.g. too many boleos/shoulders sticking out?)). My local milonga is quite fine with it, and it happens fairly often. If there's enough space you could dance in the centre. I would only recommend doing this with an experienced leader and inexperienced follower though, for safety's sake.

 

[ArbeeNYC]

If anyone has experiences of bringing non-dancing family or friends with them to milongas they wouldn't mind sharing, I'd love to hear about how you did it and how it went.

There's no reason they shouldn't go with you. They might enjoy it (they may also get bored). If it's a venue that has a bar, that would be ideal, because then they can sit, have a drink, talk to other people. If it's a venue that serves food, even better, because then they can have supper while you dance.

 

[Tango Distance]

• You could them a little crash course at your house before you go, explain mirada/cabeceo. My experience is that ladies getting out on the dance floor makes their night, men are more of a gamble.
• You aren't as exciting to watch as you might think! Err on the side of being too short.

 

[daisy_r]

Thanks everyone, sounds to me like it's probably fine for them to come if they want to - I am not pushing for it but even though it's their idea I think they will get bored after a while so I'll make sure there is an exit strategy.

I'll look into classes and offer to go to those with them, even though I doubt they will take me up on that.

The main reason I asked is because this will not be one of my local milongas, I am the one visiting their city, so I don't know what the milonga will be like in terms of atmosphere/friendliness; and likewise, I won't be able to introduce them to any of my friends because I won't know anyone else there either.

as non-dancers, they shouldn't be taking up good seats for cabeceo as a courtesy to the dancers.

This is the kind of thing I wanted to keep in mind, how to bring non-dancers along in a way that doesn't bother other dancers, and that's what's tricky to figure out when it's a milonga you've never attended before. I will probably end up asking the organisers for advice on where to sit.

 

[Brummbaer]

The main reason I asked is because this will not be one of my local milongas, I am the one visiting their city, so I don't know what the milonga will be like in terms of atmosphere/friendliness

I think that could be the main issue. Sadly, there's no guarantees that you, if you're a follower only, will get dances unless you have a partner. Being accompanied by non-dancing friends could limit that more, or attract unwanted attention.

Having said that, in principle it shouldn't be a problem; it just depends on the specifics of the venue and their customs. There are certainly venues where it wouldn't be an issue.

 

[daisy_r]

I think that could be the main issue. Sadly, there's no guarantees that you, if you're a follower only, will get dances unless you have a partner. Being accompanied by non-dancing friends could limit that more, or attract unwanted attention.

Having said that, in principle it shouldn't be a problem; it just depends on the specifics of the venue and their customs. There are certainly venues where it wouldn't be an issue.

Another good point - I am a follower but I will be attending the milongas with a friend who leads. That said I'd very much like to dance with the locals because that's part of the fun of going somewhere different to dance. I'm not afraid of walking up to people I don't know and starting a conversation, so I'm hoping I can break the ice with a few people and get onto the dance floor eventually - but doing that while also looking out for my non-dancing friends may be a tough balancing act.

I guess that's another good reason to go to a class beforehand, it would give me and my leader friend a chance to get to know some people before the milonga starts.

 

[Rabbit]

Another good point - I am a follower but I will be attending the milongas with a friend who leads

Then at the least your friends will be able to watch you dance in any case. Just try and do a bit of research on the milonga options in city X if there's more than one.

 

[opendoor]

• You could them a little crash course at your house before you go..

I consciously decided against this alternative because most people still have that escenario clichés and wallpaper poses in mind. That slate will be cleaned after watching social tango for two hours beforehand. Also most people are customdd to the standard frame, watching the opposite alinement for some time helps a lot, too.

 

[Brummbaer]

I guess that's another good reason to go to a class beforehand, it would give me and my leader friend a chance to get to know some people before the milonga starts.

I wouldn't say that was strictly necessary unless you want to. The milonga may not reflect the class. Just that some research, preparation and flexibility never go amiss if you want it to work well.

 

[ArbeeNYC]

That said I'd very much like to dance with the locals because that's part of the fun of going somewhere different to dance.

I wouldn't overthink this too much, it's not that complicated. Bring them along, plop them down somewhere, and go dance. You'll figure out what's what pretty quickly. Newcomers are most often welcomed at milongas and you're going with a friend who dances, so you're good to go. Your friends may get bored or not, depending on the venue (does it have a bar, a restaurant, a lounge, etc.).