To date or not to date... is it specific to tango?

Heather2007 said:
.....it shouldn't be a hassle if complete and total understanding, patience and a huge willingness to hear (if not share) of the other's interest(s) comes into play. And...that my dear...is what true soulmateship is all about - being with a true "friend" and taking the relationship to the "next stage" should not be any different to that which you do with the hypothetical flatmate above :ladiesma:
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My view is that sharing experience and interests is more likely to cement a relationship than boring your partner to death about a topic even if they express willingness to listen!

I don't believe in soulmates. Relationships are about selfless effort, tolerance and compromise. None of which I shine at. Given those, one could build a successful relationship with just about anyone.

Anyway, your definition of soulmateship is not the issue. Time allocation is the issue. If I am at tango I am not with him. If I am with him I am not at tango. He would like me to spend more time with him. I would like to spend more time at tango. The maths just doesn't add up!

Two solutions:
1.Relentlessly introduce him to tango on a socialising level.
2.Relentlessly ring-fence tangotime with an meticulously kept diary, working weeks, months, years in advance. Not my strong point either!

mkjohnson said:
That got to be difficult because we were never seeing each other, so I scaled back to 3 nights a week (9-12 hrs of dancing a week).
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Exactly - someone, somewhere, has to make compromises.
 
Madahlia said:
My view is that sharing experience and interests is more likely to cement a relationship than boring your partner to death about a topic even if they express willingness to listen!.
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Hmm...never a nicer a quality than having someone ask "how was your day?" We don't always have to be peas in pods (what would we talk about it?)

Madahlia said:
I don't believe in soulmates. Relationships are about selfless effort, tolerance and compromise. None of which I shine at.
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I respect your honesty. But of course then begs a whole barrel of questions...which I won't ask lest I run the risk of boring you to tears :-)
 
Heather2007 said:
Hmm...never a nicer a quality than having someone ask "how was your day?" We don't always have to be peas in pods (what would we talk about it?)
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There's always loads to talk about, most productively when it's about common interests and experiences. I don't recall having denigrated the "How was your day" approach but it still doesn't really address the dancer / non-dancer issue.
 
Madahlia said:
There's always loads to talk about, most productively when it's about common interests and experiences. I don't recall having denigrated the "How was your day" approach but it still doesn't really address the dancer / non-dancer issue.
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Question: that one works as a regularly on call firefighter or doctor whilst their partner having a 9 to 5 job - an issue? I mean, 3hrs, 2-3 times a week out of anybody's life is seriously not that much and should not be an issue for either partner (dancer as well as non-dancer). Unless of course it is made an issue to mask other issues that is going on - outside of tango.
 
Heather2007 said:
Question: that one works as a regularly on call firefighter or doctor whilst their partner having a 9 to 5 job - an issue? I mean, 3hrs, 2-3 times a week out of anybody's life is seriously not that much and should not be an issue for either partner (dancer as well as non-dancer).
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People are always compromising and negotiating to get what they want or can out of life. Most people don't find it an easy or smooth process - do they? Or they wouldn't need to negotiate or compromise. Most of my friends who expect to have full, busy lives do a lot of juggling to fit in everything they want, including partners, and maybe don't manage it as well as they would like.

For some people, 6 -9 hours would amount to a lot of time. Where I live, tango mainly happens at weekends, just when people might expect their partner to be free to spend time with them, so I have to choose. If I could get my fix on a week night, where it would impinge less on the relationship I would, but I can't.


Unless of course it is made an issue to mask other issues that is going on - outside of tango.
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Am I to understand that you work in the counselling profession? Then you will know that an issue-free relationship is a rare thing.
 
The important thing to remember though is that an 'emotional connection' doesn't automatically mean a good 'dance connection' will ensue and vice versa!
 
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