uh no - it's not fantasy

Akita

Akita

Well-Known Member
I was intrigued by the thread on "snug contact" with a woman and the physical response from the man.

Several years ago when my wife and I were first learning to dance, an instructor told us that the romantic connection on the floor between partners is "all fantasy".

But she was wrong. While I'm sure it's acting for many, with me and my wife it's the real deal. The most frequent compliment we get from strangers during a Showcase exhibition (who don't even know we're married) is that we "have such a connection", were "so romantic", etc. My mindset on the floor is that I'm connecting with her as only I can as her husband. She experiences me in a way no other woman can. I'm not just referring to a physical connection, but a spiritual one.

This is why I'm convinced the most powerful dance is always between husband and wife (i.e., Lucca and Lorraine), rather than between two people who are just two very good technical partners on the floor. Yes, you can be exquisite in technical perfection and good actors - but nothing beats the real thing.

I have a good friend who is an accomplished dancer and successfully competed at a high level. He's married, but does not dance often with his wife. I watched him do several very, very good Showdances with different partners .... but none with his wife (who is a quite good dancer.) He and his lovely wife invited us over for dinner. They have a dance floor in their house and during the course of the evening, we did some standard dancing. I noticed right away when he was dancing with his wife that the connection from his wife to him was electrifyng, while the connection he had with his wife was like the same connection he had with other women. I told him to stop thinking of his wife as just a dance partner, and to open his heart to her as his wife on the floor - to let her experience a part of him that no other woman other than his wife has/can. Halfway through their next dance (a waltz), something magical happened. Both of them were surprised.

The instructor was wrong. For a man who truly loves his wife and reserves a part of his heart for her alone on the floor - and no other woman - magic happens.

Uh no - it's not fantasy. ;)
 
welcome to DF...your sentiments are lovely...my take on the subject is that whatever wonderful thing that is going on inside my head is real for me...and I bring it to the floor regardless of the person with whom I am dancing...I agreed that it is better to be dancing with someone you love...but you can bring that person with you wherever you go...so what is coming out is real, just not neccessarily about the person with whom you are dancing...and I don't think it neccesary to have to develop that sort of disposition toward the person with whom one is dancing...but I think we are both simply getting at the same thing from a slightly different angle
 
The instructor was wrong. For a man who truly loves his wife and reserves a part of his heart for her alone on the floor - and no other woman - magic happens.
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I dance with DH, albeit at the bronze level, and I would have to agree with this generally. We consistently get complements about our bolero, and I assure you that it isn't our mindblowing technique or huge arsenal of step knowledge. I think people read the connection between us, and indeed I have always felt that our bolero is just a conversation between us, where DH is telling me a story and I'm responding to him. I often forget that I am on the floor, even during a competition. And I usually feel after a competition that I have shared something with DH that only he and I can ever completely understand. It has been a big benefit for our relationship, to say nothing about the benefit for our dancing.

That said, I think the spousal connection is an advantage that is one of many possible advantages in dancing: such as a good connection with a situation of your own memory or imagination (like I think Fasc was referring to), height, natural understanding of technique, good proportion and physical match between partners, adequate/abundant money for costuming and coaching, etc. It seems that everyone has an advantage or two and some disadvantages, so it makes sense to play up the advantages. And the spousal connection can be a very special and enjoyable one.
 
And the rest of us are definitely a bit jealous I think... OTOH, as F says, you can get into a similar dance mind set with any partner with whom you generate 'chemistry' (here's that word back...;))
 
I do know of the pro couples at either of my studios, one who I think has best connection on floor, so that I just love watching them interact, is a young married couple.
 
actually...that isn't what I said...what I said is that you can bring internal chemistry to dance with someone with whom you have no chemistry
 
Akita said:
For a man who truly loves his wife and reserves a part of his heart for her alone on the floor - and no other woman - magic happens.

Uh no - it's not fantasy. ;)
Click to expand...

Excellent point, beautifully put. I'm going to keep it in mind the next time I dance with my LW!

-IJ
 
To the OP's point, I have seen some technical dance partners that just dance blankly, like they're just going through the motions without the "other stuff".
 
And I've seen married couples do the same. I mean lots of marriages are love- or even like-less imagint having to dance with someone that you don't really feel any attraction to?
 
I do think that this can be simulated to a point, of course. You will feel different having a one night stand or making love to the person you love, but you'll still get the job done and will have most of the emotions involved.

I think if you enjoy yourself in a dance then you can direct that pleasure and enjoynment to your partner, no matter if you are married or not.
 
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