What are the 5 top reasons that make a man ask a woman to dance? Beauty comes first?

[v22TTC]

... After 8 years of salsa dancing, I’ve started tango lessons in the last January. Of course I also go to the milongas and I've been observing it. In my opinion, it is not the mastery in dancing that comes as the first reason when a man invites a woman to dance. Rather than that, beauty/or a very short mini-skirt is the key point. I'm I wrong? I'm I being too innocent, because this is no big news since it's like that from the beginning of the world? Well, in tango you get so involved with your classes and perfecting/practicing your dance moves that you tend to think that if you dance better people will invite you more. But it seems that it is not always the case, no?
If I'm right, this can be very cruel to ageing women ... By the way, I'm 40 years old.

P.S. - In salsa it's a bit true, but people tend to mingle more with each other, despite of the age/beauty issue.

Well, I certainly can't claim to be like most men (and equally certainly wouldn't want to be...) but there's little riles me up more than a woman assuming that I'm only asking her to dance because I fancy her (with attendant ego and misunderstanding); so I tend to invert what you mentioned in your observation: young, pretty, skimpily-dressed etc women I tend to ignore as completely as I can (which is pretty completely!..), whilst 40+ years old women often have a more realistic attitude (so there's less room for misunderstanding) - I'm there to dance, not flirt or 'pull'!:headwall: (They're usually better dancers too, and more appreciative of consideration and less critical of error.)

As far as clothes (in an all else being equal situation), I'm very into the gravitas and mystique of TA, so would choose someone elegantly dressed (showing respect for this art-form), over someone more overtly-'sexily' dressed.

Maybe I'm just getting old....

 

[Ampster]

Ok, how does someone not getting asked much learn to be a great tango dancer?

In tango, make friends. Interact. Socialize. Smile, and be friendly. Have your friends dance with you, so people can see your tango has potential, and that you are approachable. By dancing more, you get better. Especially, if (as a follow) you learn how to listen and follow.

 

[Ampster]

Try ballroom. IME, the beauty factor plays less of a role there than what I've heard about the salsa and tango communities. And it's generally an older crowd, so a 40-yr. old woman might be "the cute young thing"!

Not (quite) true, depending on which city you go to. For example: Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco, there are a very large number of tango people who are in the 20-30 age group. So much so that they have their own tango communities. The 40-ish age group are just more visible because they dance a lot more. They also have their own tango communities, and they visit everywhere else. The 50-80-ish age groups are also in respectable, albeit lesser numbers.

 

[dchester]

For me, there are two separate categories:
1) What makes you ask someone you've never danced with before.
2) What makes you ask someone you have danced with before.

For the first category, looks might play a factor, but other factors are more important like: does she seem friendly, does her dance style seem compatible with mine, and other very subjective factors.

For the second category, looks aren't important. It really comes down to people I am friendly with, having a nice embrace, and people who follow well (not necessarily the 'best" dancers). By following well, I'm talking about followers who are good at staying with me (and not changing the rhythm or some other annoying thing). It really has nothing to do with who does the most or "best" steps, nor who looks the best.

I'm only one person though, and different guys have different motivations.

BTW, welcome to the forum, Paula.

 

[AndaBien]

I've read some interesting comments regarding your original question. I would suggest that you decide how you would like to be appreciated as a dancer, and devote your energy to improving yourself in that arena.

 

[TangoRocks]

Looks, or the mini-skirt might get someone a first dance--how enjoyable the dance was gets the second, third, and n-th dances. That is unless you are at a venue where most people are present with the express purpose of picking up girls/guys. (which, ironically, is pretty much how I view the salsa scene as, and one reason I don't do much of salsa) Other factors are familiarity, i.e. if I had already danced with someone previously, or took a class with them or know them from elsewhere I am more likely to dance with them, especially if they can dance well. If I am there just to dance, I'd rather dance with a 45 year old who is a great follower (regardless of looks, clothing or makeup) than the 21 year old blonde bombshell in the micro-skirt who can't dance to save her life.

But your mileage, as they say, may vary...

 

[Dave Bailey]

You're definitely on to something. I have noticed similar things.

IME, the top followers will be asked, regardless. Beyond that, a hot girl/girl in a short skirt or dress/girl with a low-cut top will be asked constantly. She might not get second tandas with leaders, but she won't sit out unless she wants to.

It blows, but it's life.

Yes. That's life. Attractive people are more attractive. Because they're, umm, attractive.

And yes, men are simple animals who react to "packaging", as a female friend of mine once referred to it.

That said, ability counts more. In tango, if you're a top follower, you'll always get asked, no matter what you're wearing or how you look.

And in the UK, there's more "predation" in other dance scenes than there is in tango.

EDIT: And, yes, of course it works the other way round, just not as much. Women do react to good-looking men, but they're more interested in good dancing men. Hence the preponderance of 80-year-old guys dancing with 20-year-old girls.

Yes, that's my ambition, how could you tell?

 

[opendoor]

Re: packaging

Yes. That's life. .. men are simple animals who react to "packaging", as a female friend of mine once referred to it.

Morning Dave! I find this is much too simple. Not only men are to blame. There is a race within the female community for the best positions. Once I heard the saying: Women are the only prey that attacs.

 

[Dave Bailey]

As for the actual topic, my top 5 reasons for asking a (unknown) woman to dance are:

1. Attitude
2. Ability
3. Looks
4. errr...
5. ...that's it.

So, for example, if a woman is looking open to invitation and approachable, that trumps a good dancer who looks snooty and arrogant for me.

 

[Joe]

Wearing very tall tango shoes is a good start. They enhance your leg line, your boobs, and your butt. There are few men who aren't into one of those things. :raisebro:

 

[Madahlia]

Wearing very tall tango shoes is a good start. They enhance your leg line, your boobs, and your butt. There are few men who aren't into one of those things. :raisebro:

Darn! I knew i should've bought some flash new CIFs ready for the Mango. Still, I'd rather surprise people by dancing better than my shoes than the other way around. Gorgeous shoes on a dodgy dancer, always a sad sight!

It's worth noting that wearing excessively tall tango shoes may worsen your dancing by challenging your natural balance and making your ankles wobble, not to mention the frown of pain across your brow. But hey, if that butt is twitching away seductively it will all be worthwhile.

 

[Captain Jep]

@Madahlia ... lol ....

Well I think the real question here is .. what would make me dance with someone who is a beginner follower?

Personally I think it's a big plus when someone has extensive experience of another partner dance. It shows they have the ability to understand music and the willingness to work hard at their technique. I often have good dances with experienced salseras.

I also dont think 40 is that old I guess it will depend on a) the size of the local tango community and b) the number of 20 and 30 somethings in it. But in many communities 40 is still "hot". You know yourself and make the best of what you have. You also probably understand and are tolerant of men in a way your 20 year old self never was.

FWIW I probably wouldnt dance with a woman who was in a miniskirt either

 

[Mladenac]

I would choose these:

1. height (since I am 6'2" i.e. 188 cm tall)
2. feet - walk, how she hold her feet
3. overall posture in the embrace (CE and OE)
4. musicality with other dancer.
5. the vibe or the personality

 

[Lilly_of_the_valley]

Pretty shoes and body parts

Hahahahaha. The guy who asks a lady will not see his partner's shoes during the dance ( well if he dances open, and constantly looking at the floor he probably will, but it is another story), nor he will see her butt. However he will feel plenty if she has sloppy footwork, bad balance in those shoes, and when she wiggles her butt and hips... no matter how pretty the shoes or above mentioned body parts look, that will make leading her very hard. All that will make dancing with her feel horrible.

 

[dchester]

Hahahahaha. The guy who asks a lady will not see his partner's shoes during the dance ( well if he dances open, and constantly looking at the floor he probably will, but it is another story), nor he will see her butt. However he will feel plenty if she has sloppy footwork, bad balance in those shoes,

I agree with all this. FWIW, what kind of shoes she is wearing does not factor at all into whether I ask someone to dance.

and when she wiggles her butt and hips... no matter how pretty the shoes or above mentioned body parts look, that will make leading her very hard. All that will make dancing with her feel horrible.

Don't exactly agree with this, however.