What makes you cringe in tango?

I'd rather not make 50% of the remaining dancers sit and watch an already emptier pista if I can.
Oh! If your community isn't one where a milonga tanda fills the floor, I can understand that. At many of my favorite places, milonga tandas are among the most popular. This may well be a function of a couple of influential local teachers being, essentially, milonga specialists.
That's all well and good, but when some dancers make it the centre of their lives to the point that they're essentially doing nothing but dancing tango, travelling for tango, posting about tango — that obsession, I find utterly cringe.
Sure, I can see that. It's important to differentiate cases here. There are at least two:

1. People whose life leaves them few resources to enjoy life, full stop, and so who are forced to pick one or two activities to stay sane. They choose tango as one of those things, and are very committed to it.

2. People who have plenty of resources to enable endless activities and interests, but who for whatever reason focus laser-like on tango to the point where they seem obsessed.

I don't see commitment and obsession as equivalent, nor a choice forced by circumstances as being the same as one made completely freely.

I happen to be in category #1. Even so, I have other interests and activities. For instance, I am a devoted amateur mixologist, I cook for pleasure (not just to eat), I do things with a girlfriend whose health means she cannot dance all the time, and I have a whole other life peripheral to my day job wherein I interact with those in that domain off the clock (in essence, I'm a writer). If I won the lottery tomorrow, I would leave category #1 but I would not enter category #2. I have a long list of things I'd like to do (especially travel, and spending more time and money on food and drink), most of which aren't tango.
Off the top of my head, I can rattle off enough songs to last a few hours, name their orquestas and singers, and hum or sing extracts all the way to whole songs (if I like them enough). It's simply ridiculous that someone who claims to live for tango can't do the same. I'm not even expecting them to order those songs in proper tandas for a coherent, balanced setlist of three or four hours.

And let's not even forget how many self-proclaimed tango fanatics know so little about the history, culture and traditions behind the people and the songs. It's sad, really, how tango is reduced to movements and the aural aspect of the music.
This is more controversial. All interests have numerous facets: cultural, historical, performative, practical, technical, theoretical, traditional, etc. . . . pick your terms. Not all people have the gifts to see or function in all of these areas; so, if it's a leisure activity for them, they'll drop (or just never pick up) the elements that feel more like work than pleasure to them.

And that's fine!

There are plenty of, say, football players who have no idea who won the World Cup in what year, which professionals are currently top-rated, and suchlike. They're just in it to kick the ball around with their pals. There are also plenty of people who can rattle off stats for days but barely kick the ball 1m.

With age, I've come to accept that polyvalence within a field is a noble but rarely practical goal for most people . . . I saw that in my particle physics days, when I knew revered theoreticians who were experts in one specific model and who'd never done an experiment. I see it in the world of cocktails, where mixology, flair, and high-volume service are practically separate domains appreciated by separate groups of people on either side of the bar. I see it in my industry, where almost nobody has time to be a writer, an editor, an artist, a layout expert, etc., and where the customers often read but don't play the games, or appreciate the rules but not the writing.

We risk becoming snobby if we decide that vertical expertise is required to be a "real" tango aficionado. I'm entirely fine with people picking and choosing between the cultural, historical, musical, and dance facets of tango as suits their temperament. I highly doubt that it would improve tango to insist that, to be a "real tanguero," you have to embrace it all . . . I think that would lead to negativity and exclusion, to be honest.
 
Milonguero used to be a derogatory term for a reason
Yes. Frankly, it probably describes "creepy old guys who put their hands all over younger women with the pretext of teaching" rather well.
If you can only create the experience you want with a very low proportion of dancers, then you understand the dance a lot less than you think you do
Also yes. I was recently asked, "How do you manage to dance with 30, 40, 50 people a week?" After the "I hug them and put one foot in front of the other" joke, I say, "I look for what's good in my dance with each of them, and appreciate what's there rather than what I wish were there but is absent." Always seems to work for me.
 
I mean two of the most advanced milongas in this city are preceded by beginner classes
Okay, so that's how it is; it's a convenient time for both teachers and students.
Does "most advanced" mean that beginners, if they even participate, are quickly out of the ronda?

Before the milongas, here are more "all-level" classes, so they're more for socializing and networking.
 
Okay, so that's how it is; it's a convenient time for both teachers and students.
Does "most advanced" mean that beginners, if they even participate, are quickly out of the ronda?

Before the milongas, here are more "all-level" classes, so they're more for socializing and networking.
Pretty much the first 30-60 mins after the class ends is a quasi-practica where the beginners can dance and navigation is loose, but yeah after that is when the more advanced dancers come in and most beginners usually bow out.
 
Not all people have the gifts to see or function in all of these areas; so, if it's a leisure activity for them, they'll drop (or just never pick up) the elements that feel more like work than pleasure to them.

That's true, competence is rarely distributed evenly; but I'd argue that being wilfully ignorant — or even just less than knowledgeable — about most aspects of what one claims to be one's obsession or life-long fascination/commitment is disingenuous.
 
Over the years, I have grown used to many forms of transgression within the milonga and the broader tango community. Most of them, I’ve come to accept—perhaps even understand—so long as they do not become excessive. But there are still two things that continue to make me cringe.


The first is when experienced or mature tangueros go after the very young or brand-new tangueras, leading them into all sorts of uncomfortable or embarrassing figures. Most beginners do not yet know how to set boundaries or say no, and more often than not, they simply disappear after these experiences. It’s a loss for them and for the community.


The second is the politics—the divisions, the quiet conflicts, the rivalries. I suppose they are normal in any social world, but it remains hard to witness people who love the same dance fall out over differences in style, preferences, or philosophy. Tango is meant to unite, yet sometimes it fractures.


These things don’t define the whole picture, of course. But they linger in the background as reminders that tango, like any human community, carries both beauty and contradiction.
 
And let's not even forget how many self-proclaimed tango fanatics know so little about the history, culture and traditions behind the people and the songs. It's sad, really, how tango is reduced to movements and the aural aspect of the music.
Yeah, that's most of the tango community it seems. Just the how-to part, never all the interesting lore, legend, and background.
 
The second is the politics—the divisions, the quiet conflicts, the rivalries. I suppose they are normal in any social world, but it remains hard to witness people who love the same dance fall out over differences in style, preferences, or philosophy. Tango is meant to unite, yet sometimes it fractures.
I'm not sure that can be avoided without a great deal of long-term commitment in community building.
 
The first is when experienced or mature tangueros go after the very young or brand-new tangueras, leading them into all sorts of uncomfortable or embarrassing figures. Most beginners do not yet know how to set boundaries or say no, and more often than not, they simply disappear after these experiences. It’s a loss for them and for the community.

It's usually much older men who never improve or are stuck in the mentality that theirs is the one true way (some weird, partially or mostly self-taught variation on nuevo) — the creeps are another bunch, and more subtle/inviting than that.
 

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