When you are in relation with a tango dancer..

[Brummbaer]

You are underestimating how much self-aware and self-critical leaders who are good or striving to be good are. What you say applies to a subset of leaders.

Almost every leader

I tried to leave that option there without deliberately pointing out those subsets to provide discussion.

They usually have no motivation to improve.

That subset consider they're already 'perfect' in what they do, and the follower isn't 'good enough'. Always be wary of those who consider themselves 'perfect' in any activity.

You have seen some men who feel only if the women would give them some useful feedback. Milonga is not setting to give feedbacks.

You're correct that the milonga isn't the place, but I am grateful to those followers in workshops and practicas who have given feedback, or better still, discussed what we've been doing with adjustment for both. I'm grateful that my wife and I can discuss and analyse what and how we're dancing together in our 'practices'.

I do agree that anatomy plays a big part

Ah, the willowy, younger, follower (not just the PYT!). Yes, but also the leader's build (cf Aoniken Quiroga - recently discussed close hold in some YT lesson sample), and the larger follower. Abrazo is significant to the dance, but not everything.

 

[opendoor]

The embrace itself is valuable feedback. Because you don't get that 10/10 embrace if you are not giving your partner what they want.

Exactly! Actually, the perfection of the embrace in tango is completely irrelevant. I've seen it so often that experienced followers have grabbed a beginner with a lousy embrace and poor posture. It's more about assessing their potential.

 

[Rabbit]

Exactly! Actually, the perfection of the embrace in tango is completely irrelevant. I've seen it so often that experienced followers have grabbed a beginner with a lousy embrace and poor posture. It's more about assessing their potential.

All I know is I couldn't be a follower, I'd auto-reject everyone

 

[opendoor]

A good embrace can enhance a dance, other things being equal. A good embrace goes beyond technique is what I feel. Postures and body shapes definitely impact the embrace between two people.

That's true. But the question was about the role of the embrace in terms of mate choice, not about dancing with random dance partners.

 

[Rabbit]

That's true. But the question was about the role of the embrace in terms of mate choice, not about dancing with random dance partners.

Sure, so why do you think the embrace/dancing became worse with your first partner while you were together?

 

[opendoor]

..why do you think..

Yes, that's strange, as is the fact that she felt better again after the breakup. Overall, the relationship was going very well. Possible reasons for my subjective perception might be habituation combined with simultaneous idealization. On her side, it was certainly competition and rivalry.

 

[Miradamiranda]

That's true. But the question was about the role of the embrace in terms of mate choice, not about dancing with random dance partners.

Haha, good luck in keeping a thread on topic…

 

[opendoor]

Haha, good luck in keeping a thread on topic…

Oh, then please help me by pointing out what might be hindering the exchange of experiences in this regard. Just exchanging ideas about purely technical problems is boring; we all can dance!

 

[Bailango]

Oh, then please help me by pointing out what might be hindering the exchange of experiences in this regard. Just exchanging ideas about purely technical problems is boring; we all can dance!

Dancing = connection + partner + music + technical + interpretation + improvisation - mate choice

 

[itwillhappen]

I'm sure, the perfect embrace (dance floor) does exist, but it's a fleeting experience when it comes to a (life) partner. Since converting to tango, I've found all my life partners in the community. But somehow you can't have both a long-term relationship and a perfect embrace —at least not me.

Perfect?! After 10 months, the embrace with my life partner is still the best.

But with a "life partner", at least if "life" lasts longer, you should realistically expect that you'll meet someone with whom the embrace feels even better. And what do you do then? Nothing, I hope.

 

[opendoor]

I congratulate you, itwillhappen !

 

[Tango Newbie]

I'm in a relationship with a talented tango dancer; my S.O. who introduced me to the dance. We don't have any problems with the close embrace, nor the ability to execute a lot of fun steps (that I don't do with most other followers).

However, when dancing with other partners, my objective is to give them the close-embrace they're expecting and comfortable with, and keeping within the boundaries of their desires, interests, and abilities during the course of a tanda. I've been complimented numerous times about my frame and warm embrace, so something must be working, and now have no shortage of followers ready, willing, and wanting a tanda with me.

 

[itwillhappen]

But somehow you can't have both a long-term relationship and a perfect embrace —at least not me.

Serious scientific studies show that romantic relationships can tolerate surprisingly little criticism. Statistically significant damage occurs at the latest when the ratio of positive to negative interactions falls below 5:1. [John Gottman, Nan Silver: What Makes Love Last, 2013]

What do you think the effect of your fundamental attitude is: that you're best off dancing alone and that the follower is merely a beneficial appendage? Can you really compensate for that?

 

[Reuven Thetanguero]

Serious scientific studies show that romantic relationships can tolerate surprisingly little criticism. Statistically significant damage occurs at the latest when the ratio of positive to negative interactions falls below 5:1. [John Gottman, Nan Silver: What Makes Love Last, 2013]

What do you think the effect of your fundamental attitude is: that you're best off dancing alone and that the follower is merely a beneficial appendage? Can you really compensate for that?

I normally understand all postings on this forum, but I have a little trouble understanding what you are saying... Can you please rephrase, in simple words?

 

[opendoor]

What do you think the effect of your fundamental attitude is: that you're best off dancing alone and that the follower is merely a beneficial appendage??

I'm puzzled. Why are you stabbing me in the back? Is there anything about me that annoyed or challenged you?