Why some women are not asked to dance

Interestingly the second page of this thread from Ocho talks about the topic of this thread till it was recently resurrected.

Ocho technique

Thanks this all so helpful! I shall try taking smaller steps- I think that's better for staying balanced no? I tend to only do "milonguero" style ochos when dancing in close embrace but I might try it in open as well and see what happens.The type of ocho you do should depend on the type of ocho...
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Not much has changed in the past 15 years! The four or five posts there largely sum up this thread :)
 
Rabbit said:
Well part of the problem is the way the title of this thread is framed - it shouldn't be about women passively waiting to be asked or to "receive a cabeceo", the invitation should be about both dancers showing interest in each other.
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Thank you! I was genuinely puzzled on why sometimes men lock eyes with me but do not cabeceo. I am like - please node - but after a while they or me turn the head other way. OK. Now I'll try to be more courageous and if man is really looking at me I'll try to do a mirada. Scary, but heck, why not? :)
 
TA_RA said:
Thank you! I was genuinely puzzled on why sometimes men lock eyes with me but do not cabeceo. I am like - please node - but after a while they or me turn the head other way. OK. Now I'll try to be more courageous and if man is really looking at me I'll try to do a mirada. Scary, but heck, why not? :)
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This past Saturday, there was a woman from out of town – at least, one I'd never seen before who spoke to no one and had pricy shoes that suggested she wasn't a beginner – sitting where the only invitation easily possible would've been a cabeceo. I looked her way and nodded, but it didn't register; her reaction wasn't "No, thanks" or "No, not you," but more like "Why is this man looking over here?" I saw two other men, both good dancers, have the same experience. Eventually, this woman got up and left in a visible huff, having not danced once.

At the time I recall thinking, "Why would you sit in a hard-to-reach place, alone, at a milonga where you do not know anyone, unless you plan to accept invitations by cabeceo?" So, at least in that context, it's a good idea to respond – if only with a clear rejection.
 
TA_RA said:
Thank you! I was genuinely puzzled on why sometimes men lock eyes with me but do not cabeceo. I am like - please node - but after a while they or me turn the head other way. OK. Now I'll try to be more courageous and if man is really looking at me I'll try to do a mirada. Scary, but heck, why not? :)
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If a man looks at you and you at him, PLEASE nod or smile because otherwise he doesn't know if you want to dance with him or not. If you don't, quickly look away.
 
ArbeeNYC said:
If a man looks at you and you at him, PLEASE nod or smile because otherwise he doesn't know if you want to dance with him or not. If you don't, quickly look away.
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Yep. Setting aside any emotional or social insecurities, it's hard enough to squint across a dimly lit room through a mob of people to catch half a second of eye contact. It just gets stupid when you succeed at that only to get an impossible-to-read reaction. The people on both sides need to allow for a huge margin of error.
 
ArbeeNYC said:
If a man looks at you and you at him, PLEASE nod ..otherwise he doesn't know if you want to dance with him..
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I would like to add, or shake your head vehemently in disapproval!
ArbeeNYC said:
..If you don't, quickly look away.
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That's almost impossible. Whenever I'm sitting near the dance floor and carelessly turn towards the entrance, or if I'm moving my chair or going to the cloakroom, immediately three or four women jump up, feeling cabeceoed. So many women sit and watch like a hawk, until a thoughtful look slips away. Immediately they pounce on one. In the meantime, I started sitting only at the bar and dance the previously arranged dances. So of course, I'm considered snobbish or cliquey. Once you've lost your reputation, you have nothing left to lose. You can't feel pressured or obligated all the time. Tango is supposed to be fun, and, as you certsinly will know, very few dances and tandas still are fun when you've been around for several years.
 
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