Tango Argentino > What are the 5 top reasons that make a man ask a woman to dance? Beauty comes first?

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by Paula M, Jul 29, 2010.

  1. Gssh

    Gssh Well-Known Member

    Not sure if i would call it political, more good manners. Tbh i find the idea of going somewhere where the norm is that everybody is entitled to make me dance with them irregardless of what i want to be not that appealing. I mean, in other threads we are discussing how uncomfortable it can be to dance with some people, with reasons ranging from hight to the presence of absence of SO's. So having norms in place that allow us to not dance when things are uncomfortable is in my opinion a good thing. A milonga is not a place to practice a social dance as a performing art, a milonga is a place to do social dancing.
    To some extent i think the difference in culture with ballroom parties is that ballroom parties are closer to what would be a practica in tango - from what i have read about ballroom dances when they were still social events independent of teachers or schools there were very similar structures - the proverbial dance card is a very efficient tool to only dance with people one wants to.

    YMMV, and all that
  2. jantango

    jantango Active Member

    Words of wisdom from Gssh: "A milonga is not a place to practice a social dance as a performing art, a milonga is a place to do social dancing." But I have no idea what YMMV means. Please translate for me.

    Tango is a performing dance for many young couples who hope it will be their key to success abroad. The milongas have too many exhibitions which are always recorded by someone and uploaded to YouTube so the world can see the latest products to buy. One choreography doesn't mean a couple knows how to dance socially in a milonga or teach tango because they were born in Argentina.

    I was in the ballroom scene years before tango. Studios hold regular dance parties for the students to socialize. They form a bond that way and continue with lessons. There are perhaps a handful of ballrooms in the USA that still operate. They were big in the 1940s when everyone danced. My mother told me about using a dance card when she went to the Aragon Ballroom in Chicago.
  3. snapdancer

    snapdancer Well-Known Member

  4. jfm

    jfm Active Member

  5. Vincenze

    Vincenze Member

    1. She is very light and athletic, close to 50kg or 110lb. Then it's so easy to do any step together. She needs only a small movement of the hand to follow directions.
    I don't expect to do anything complicated, even volcadas, with a woman heavier than that.
    2. She heats up and starts breathing heavier when we are together.
    3. She goes to classes with me and doesn't avoid me when partners rotate in a class.
    4. She doesn't mind when I experiment with her trying new sequences.
    5. She is healthy and strong. She doesn't block turns, etc because she feels dizzy.
  6. nagamiki

    nagamiki New Member

    I have been learning tango for nearly two years. Maybe I am a slow learner, I know I still have many issues of leading.
    When I go to a milonga, I see most leaders have better skills than me. That make me afraid of invite a woman(even my friends, I already have some friends known in class and practica in my local community) because I don't want to be her worst memory of that night. I think I should at least reach the medium level of the leaders in a milonga so my favorite woman will not have a very bad memory with me. But I don't know if I could reach that 'medium' level before I officially start my first milonga. Let's see......
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2017
  7. Vincenze

    Vincenze Member

    There are always women who don't mind dancing with a beginner.

    I recommend you to pay for private lessons with a good female teacher. When you pay money to her, she will try to encourage you psychologically and she won't say any bad words even if you lead poorly. It's like visiting a prostitute - she has to be nice to you to earn your money.
  8. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    Stop trying to get into women's heads and just invite some to dance. :)
    Let them decide. The fact that they are present at a milonga and open to offers (including yours) is your cue that those individuals are grown up and fairly equipped to manage any scenario -- to decline your offer or to accept and deal with it. So, stop worrying about them and the memories they would allegedly form.
    itwillhappen likes this.
  9. c955

    c955 New Member

    Every leader goes through this. It's part of the 'process', so don't think for even a moment that all of us got the hang of dancing Tango in no time and then had a queue of eager followers waiting in the wings.

    I remember lamenting to a teacher about the frustrations of learning to lead competently - The struggle to apply the steps/moves we'd learned in class and the continual failure to do the basic stuff nicely (never mind well!) She said "Tango is a lifelong journey; you just have to figure out how to enjoy it..."

    Don't give up - if the juice wasn't worth the squeeze, none of us would endure the trials and challenges! ;-)

    PS. Lilly is absolutely right!
    Lilly_of_the_valley likes this.
  10. nagamiki

    nagamiki New Member

    Hi Vincenze,
    Thank you very much for your suggestion. It's really good to know that some women don't mind to dance with beginner. Maybe I should try to invite as much as possible so finally I will meet one of these women:)
    I just asked one of my teachers for private lesson and she gave me an offer with good price. So I think I will be happy to practice my skills in private lesson without worrying about leaving any bad memory, as you said 'she has to be nice to me':)
  11. JTh

    JTh Member

    There is absolutely no doubt that pretty younger girls get attention especially if they flaunt their stuff..
    I have seen even the old men prefer that yo similar aged women to them.
    What I found combats this is to be good ; a good dancer will attract interest no matter age or what they are wearing (as long as they have a good personality)
    Reuven Thetanguero likes this.
  12. nagamiki

    nagamiki New Member

    Hi Lily,
    Yes I think you are right. I am thinking too much but doing too little, which should not be the right direction of tango or life.
    Now I am thinking to make some change, maybe start by private lesson, at least I could do something there...
  13. nagamiki

    nagamiki New Member

    Hi 955,
    Thank you very much for encouraging. Now I know what's my problem. I should not dream the milonga to be a wonderful memory at the beginning, instead I should treat it as a struggling journey, maybe endless, and try to find out anything fun in this process. I think I will not give up:)
  14. LadyLeader

    LadyLeader Active Member

    During the first months we were a few class mates who went out together. We were sitting att the same table in a tango restaurant talking and dancing. Little by little we learned to know our steps and we also learned to know friends' friends. Later on we had a reasonable number of friends to enjoy our dance night!
    Today many years later I am still dancing with one of them! :)
    itwillhappen likes this.
  15. Vincenze

    Vincenze Member

    When you come to a milonga, look for an older lady who sits a lot alone. Try to invite her.
    Go to a bigger milonga with many dancers, it is usually held on Friday or Saturday. But the ballroom shouldn't be super packed - it should be easier to navigate.
    All popular leaders will invite all popular ladies, so you should be able to find some unpopular ladies who won't mind dancing with you. Check photos of the milonga on Facebook.

    Almost any good female teacher is available for a private lesson. You can try different ones to boost your confidence.
  16. itwillhappen

    itwillhappen Active Member

    Around here are usually more female than male dancer at a milonga. So for me in the beginning there was more or less a subliminal obligation to dance - with the constant question "Is someone disappointed if I do not invite?" But I did not invite if I was not convinced that we match somehow at my beginner level.
    Nowadays I never invite without some kind of eye contact - a good decision. And I feel rather responsible that my SO does not sit uncomfortable or stays without good dancers - for me that has precedence over changing the partners in any case.
  17. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    Way to go. Confidence comes from practice and knowledge.
    I shall say, if a partner is humble, polite, and overall a nice person, dancing with him won't be a bad experience for a woman. Even if he is very new to the dance. In fact, it is a very nice feeling, that he trusted me enough, and wanted to dance with me enough to overcome his doubts. :)
  18. Vincenze

    Vincenze Member

    Ha ha!

    She has rejected a leader's invitations multiple times waiting until he improves by dancing with other women and teachers. What does she want now?

    A man likes "fresh meat". When he sees a new dancing female, young or older, he has the urge to dance with her.
    If she is inaccessible, the urge wears out. Imagine that a girl rejected his invitations 2 years ago and now is ready for an invitation from the "improved dancer". His feelings for her has long gone.
  19. Reuven Thetanguero

    Reuven Thetanguero Active Member

    I remember many years ago when I was a beginner, an older, experienced lady approached me and after a short conversation asked me to dance. When I warned her about my lack of experience she replied "I hope you will remember me when you are a good dancer...".

    There is not one Milonga, when she is present, that I don't dance with her at least one tanda.

    Most ladies will not say that, but they know that dancing with a beginner may lead to having a long term dancing friend.
    As a leader, some ladies thank me today for asking them to dance when they hardly knew what they were doing.
    It works both ways, and kindness and generosity - even on the dancing floor - are what makes the world turn around.
  20. ArbeeNYC

    ArbeeNYC Member

    This isn't the case in my experience. Although attractive young women tend to get a lot of attention, they're not always the first choice as partners unless they are good dancers and a good match. There are a lot of factors at play here, it's not just about looks. Sometimes looks are irrelevant. I think it has more to do with the extent to which two people like one another than their dance skills. (The reverse is true as well, by the way. Good looking young men tend not to get turned down, regardless of their abilities. It works both ways. Age is a bigger factor than I had initially expected.)
    Reuven Thetanguero likes this.

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