More specifically, if I dance with a woman who binds my R arm to my side with her L arm, would it be okay for me to move her arm up to the top of my shoulder, or would that be considered rude or inappropriate?
I don't think manually moving her arm is a good solution. That would seem rather rude to me.
Wouldn't she
have to reposition her hand and arm if you simply created more distance between you by going to OE?
You could also try removing your R arm completely (a la Tete) and see what she does in response. Tete would not just remove his arm, he would allow it to drift outward (to show the world that he didn't need to use it to lead). Maybe attempting to do something like that which requires freedom of the arm would get across to her that you need more freedom of movement, especially if you lifted your arm.
I used to dance occasionally with someone who would grip my right hand too tight. I never said anything; I would just flex may hand and fingers which forced him to relax his grip. He wasn't doing it because he thought it was
correct.. he was doing it because he was unaware of how much tension he had in his hand.
Believe it or not, I was "corrected" by a leader who wanted me to exert MORE pressure on his R arm. Apparently some leaders
like having their R arm pinned by the follower. My point is that leaders all seem to like different things. One leader I know who dances milonguero CE hates having the follower's arm around his neck (which would be a typical milonguero type embrace).. he wants it more out on the edge of his shoulder. Other milonguero leaders I've danced with don't want it on the outside of their shoulder, they want it closer to their neck where any downward pressure isn't felt in their arm as much.
If it's a practica, I'd suggest a conversation about it in a non-blaming, non-critical way. (ie: "I'm not used to blah, blah, blah... I usually use blah, blah embracing method. Could we give that a try?") She may be doing it deliberately because someone else TOLD her to. If it's a milonga, and that's the only thing about dancing with her that really bothers you, I'd suggest either trying to dance at a practica with her or trying to have a casual conversation on the sidelines when you aren't dancing.
It's really difficult for followers to know how various leaders want the follower's left arm. You may not be aware of how much variation there is in preference, to the point of
totally contradictory preferences between leaders who otherwise are dancing similar styles. Please give this follower the benefit of the doubt and don't just ditch her as a potential partner because of this. Most likely, she'd rather adjust to you if she knew, than wonder forever why you don't dance with her but you dance with X,Y,and Z.
Personally, I've been experimenting with finding a left arm method that will work with any leader. So far, it's not going very well. :???: No matter what I do, SOMEONE will grouse.
