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[ProgressNotPerfection]

He said, “I mean, we even forgot to give you your robe!” [They have long black robes for students to wear over their costumes, with the words “Studio Name Competition Team” proudly displayed on the back, which they give to students at their first comp. Pro assures me that I will (eventually) get one.]

I forgot to mention...Studio Manager met me at the door when I arrived at the studio last night, and handed me a brand-new robe. It has my full name embroidered on the front along with the studio logo, and the printing on the back as I described.
So I feel like I’ve been “heard,” which is always nice.

 

[Danceisjoy]

'maybe it is becoming so bad in some places that people do need to speak out...'

I have been reading and enjoying comments on DF for years and I find I needed to join to speak now.

Divisiveness has always been a part of my ballroom dance experience as a POC. (person of color) Wearing my studio jacket with hair done, hair sprayed and jeweled, I've been asked by crew workers to leave the premises on the side of the dance floor, that the comp was a private function and I didn't belong there. A few vendors have ignored me or walked past me to help another customer when I clearly was waiting first.

When taking mid morning lessons with my pro instructor and waiting for the studio to open, I have to wait in my car now instead of walking in the parking lot to warm up my legs. There is a very real and present fear of someone watching me simply walking for exercise that will arouse suspicion and a 911 call is only minutes away. Comments from fellow dancers over the years have been 'unkind' and extremely racially decisive. I've been referred to as 'you people' by someone I attend comps with. I watch my back in the studio, at a comp, in a parking lot, and with a few vendors. THIS mess is in my head before I've even danced one step.

I know many say that the BLM movement has no business on DF, EVERYONE says 'this is not the place' but some of us are already living it in this industry and have been for years. There simply has been no safe place for us or no one to talk to about the experiences. Racism is not political, it's my humanity.

 

[fascination]

let me be clear...I believe and empathize that this has been your experience and it is perfectly fine to post about it...DF has a guideline about politics because we want the conversation to remain about dance and we don't want folks getting into endless political or religious battles on this site...but that in no way is meant to quash one's ability to state their own reality as long as it is not inflammatory

 

[Danceisjoy]

Thank you for your response. As a lurker on this forum for over 5 years and understanding the policy and need to keep the forum safe and dance focused, is the reason I have only posted once. With no intention on sharing my personal dance life experiencess to be inflammatory, these things can and do affect my dancing, my desire to pay for ballroom dance and add another layer of anxiety on top of all the other stresses of performing. My emotional health dealing with a security guard wanting to escort me off a dance floor has as much impact on my performance on the floor as pre competition jitters, dancing injured, or a difficult relationship with a partner. It's another layer to overcome to dance the best I can.

 

[fascination]

Thank you for your response. As a lurker on this forum for over 5 years and understanding the policy and need to keep the forum safe and dance focused, is the reason I have only posted once. With no intention on sharing my personal dance life experiencess to be inflammatory, these things can and do affect my dancing, my desire to pay for ballroom dance and add another layer of anxiety on top of all the other stresses of performing. My emotional health dealing with a security guard wanting to escort me off a dance floor has as much impact on my performance on the floor as pre competition jitters, dancing injured, or a difficult relationship with a partner. It's another layer to overcome to dance the best I can.

I am so sorry

 

[blackswan]

'maybe it is becoming so bad in some places that people do need to speak out...'

I have been reading and enjoying comments on DF for years and I find I needed to join to speak now.

Divisiveness has always been a part of my ballroom dance experience as a POC. (person of color) Wearing my studio jacket with hair done, hair sprayed and jeweled, I've been asked by crew workers to leave the premises on the side of the dance floor, that the comp was a private function and I didn't belong there. A few vendors have ignored me or walked past me to help another customer when I clearly was waiting first.

When taking mid morning lessons with my pro instructor and waiting for the studio to open, I have to wait in my car now instead of walking in the parking lot to warm up my legs. There is a very real and present fear of someone watching me simply walking for exercise that will arouse suspicion and a 911 call is only minutes away. Comments from fellow dancers over the years have been 'unkind' and extremely racially decisive. I've been referred to as 'you people' by someone I attend comps with. I watch my back in the studio, at a comp, in a parking lot, and with a few vendors. THIS mess is in my head before I've even danced one step.

I know many say that the BLM movement has no business on DF, EVERYONE says 'this is not the place' but some of us are already living it in this industry and have been for years. There simply has been no safe place for us or no one to talk to about the experiences. Racism is not political, it's my humanity.

I am deeply disturbed and very sorry that this has been your experience. You can sit with me any time.

 

[Danceisjoy]

Thank you and what a sweet, kind offer!! I am envious of the opportunities so many have to discuss their dance experiences both good and bad. Your empathy makes me a little less lonely. Hugs!

 

[ProgressNotPerfection]

understanding the policy and need to keep the forum safe and dance focused, is the reason I have only posted once. With no intention on sharing my personal dance life experiencess to be inflammatory, these things can and do affect my dancing

You are a dancer. This is a dance forum. Thus, your experiences are relevant and valid, and reading about them will hopefully be a wake-up call to some who might be oblivious to what’s happening around them. If we make you feel that you can’t speak up here, then that’s yet another layer of discrimination of which we should be ashamed.

I applaud you for posting (not that you need my applause). I admire your courage in speaking up (not that you need my admiration). I can only imagine the surge of adrenaline you felt when you finally clicked on “Post Reply,” after staying silent for 5 years. Your dedication to dancing, while enduring such offensive, hurtful, and even frightening behavior, humbles me.

It seems likely that there are other DF readers who have experienced similar unacceptable treatment in their dance journeys (and everywhere else), and have remained silent about it just as you did. I hope your willingness to be honest and vulnerable will help them feel less lonely, and will encourage them also to join the conversations here.

It’s a fact that there are things many of us take for granted. I believe your contributions to the forum would be extremely valuable, and I hope you will continue posting.

Thank you...and I’m very, very sorry.

 

[Danceisjoy]

happening

Thank you. I had such a sweet surprise reading your response and support of my post. Your encouragement and support of me posting further, I've taken to heart. Before your post, there was no desire for me to post again.

When I hit the send button on my first post after 5 years lurking on DF, the first thing I felt was pure fear. Fear of retaliation, of presenting myself as inflammatory, and fear of the normal deathly silence or no responses which is quite the norm. Overall lessons learned, keep my mouth shut. So again thank you for your empathy. I agree there are most likely others who have learned to suffer quietly. It's a difficult journey and often silence is easier and much more safe.

You are right, I am a dancer! and we compete sometimes to win, to move up in standings, some dance to feel beautiful, to challenge themselves, to move to beautiful music, for the thrill of competition, to enjoy their partner and hundreds of very fulfilling reasons. My journey of goals has had to change courses to survive this industry simply because of the influence my color has on OTHER people.

Despite the many reasons for me to leave this genre of dancing, I stay because it is my mirror. Forced to deal with all stresses of ballroom dancing, an aging body, the endless justification for spending a ton of money, the trials of being seen as 'other'... I'm stretched to look at myself in the mirror and question why I stay yet again. When the threat of being escorted off the dance floor (an experience no one paying these fees should have) is always first in my mind at every comp before the steps I'm about to dance, I have to pause, to breathe, to define, redefine that image looking back at me in the mirror.

I strive to see the best of myself in that reflection so hopefully it can translate on the dance floor into pure joy. My journey is just made a bit (sometimes a lot) more difficult simply because of my skin color. But I can hope... do hope. I keep my mirror handy and dance until my body or the will to deal with racism gives out. Hugs to you.

 

[Brummbaer]

When the threat of being escorted off the dance floor (an experience no one paying these fees should have) is always first in my mind at every comp before the steps I'm about to dance, I have to pause, to breathe, to define, redefine that image looking back at me in the mirror.

This just shouldn't happen. Sadly there are far too many examples of this. There is a need to speak out, for example this. The sole redeeming feature is that the judge demanded an investigation.

You pay for your space; it's yours to use.

 

[IndyLady]

Ooo! Interesting! What else was on the list? Religion, sex, other bodily functions...?

My mother was the strictest about bodily functions. Particularly nasal-related ones - absolutely NO DISCUSSION of snot at the dinner table. (This is not a joke or sarcasm).

Oh, right - money!!! Yes. I forgot about that one. Those were my mom’s top three also. And even with my own children, when they’d ask how much money I earn, my response was always along the lines of, “enough to provide for you everything you need, plus some extra things you just want.” (In other words: nunya biz.)

I always thought I would be honest and transparent if I had children, but it turns out you can't trust them with certain information. They don't know when/how it is appropriate or not to blurt it out (go on with your lectures about "you just need to teach your kids"... yeah I used to say that too. If your kids are perfectly discreet, you got lucky). Therefore I do not tell my son how much we make, and although he has asked me 1,000,000 times, I refuse to tell him how much I weigh outside of a range (between 100 and 200 lbs).

 

[blackswan]

When I hit the send button on my first post after 5 years lurking on DF, the first thing I felt was pure fear. Fear of retaliation, of presenting myself as inflammatory, and fear of the normal deathly silence or no responses which is quite the norm. Overall lessons learned, keep my mouth shut. So again thank you for your empathy. I agree there are most likely others who have learned to suffer quietly. It's a difficult journey and often silence is easier and much more safe.

I'm so glad you spoke up and hope you will continue to do so. We all face many challenges as pro-am dancers, as you point out, and supporting one another is one of the joys of being part of this community, both on and offline.

 

[Cal]

Danceisjoy,

If we ever run across each other at a competition, and if you dance either Standard or Latin, I’d love to try out a dance with you during a general dancing break – I’ll Lead!

(Ooof. I was just about to press "post", when I realized that I had blithely assumed that you are a Follow. If you’re a Lead: I’d love to try to out a dance with you during a general dancing break at a comp – in that case, I’ll Follow!)

 

[fascination]

If I ever get back to competing I would be delighted to make your acquaintance

 

[j_alexandra]

So, a local Tango community has been hosting an outdoor milonga in the town square on Saturday nights. Walking distance from my house. I don't do AT, but I sometimes want to go just to watch, and say hi b/c I have dance friends in that scene.

Turns out: they partner-switch. Without masks. I know, it's outdoors. So?

Le sigh. Even if I did AT, I would not do it under these circumstances.